Friend expects me to order everything

[Dublinwife]

A long standing friend keeps asking me to order things for her online . She refuses to even try to do it because she doesn’t want to put her card details. She won’t even sign up for an e wallet or prepaid card. It’s ok once or twice but now it’s everything. Birthdays, Christmas, anything. She gives me the money but I feel like a Secretary. Sometimes if we haven’t spoken for a couple of weeks, I’ll get a message , no hello how areyou , just can you order me this today in a large? I’ve told her she needs to do it and she just mouths the words I know, but doesn’t. I just feel like if I didn’t do it would we even be friends? How can I say no? I’ve made various excuses but I always end up doing it. Really fed up. She has family that could do it.

YABU because you literally just need to say no.

"Hi Susan,
I've been happy to help you out with the online ordering in the past on the understanding that it was an occasional favour but these days there are so many requests it is really becoming a big inconvenience, and I won't be able to do it for you anymore.
Would be great to grab a coffee before the Christmas season starts, let me know when you're free.
Thanks,
Dublin wife x"

start ordering everything wrong so she has to return and she’ll soon stop asking 😂

but tbh you could just say Sorry, no. I’m gonna stop doing this cause it’s getting a bit much.

I put YABU because you just need to tell her no

Say No. say you’re too busy now and you only did it as a short-term favour. If she continues to ask, just repeat that and say you’re too busy.

Say no… simple!

I agree with pp
Send CFer friend a msg before she puts in her next order , that way she can't need it quickly / just one more time / but I promised it to DCs excuse.

Dear cf ,this is just to let you know that I will be no longer placing orders for you, if you value our friendship please do not ask again.

If she ask why the best answer would be, because I don't want to. But if your uncomfortable with that say , I don't have time , I will be placing lots of Christmas orders and don't want yo get them mixed up , it's affecting my credit rating, .
ALL still mean no I won't be your skivy anymore !

This is a huge money laundering flag.

say no and also tell her why. That is been flagged to you it’s a money laundering thing.

Thanks all. I have now messaged and said I can’t help you with payments online anymore and suggested she asks someone else.

Tell her to open a PayPal account as it offers another level of protection.

She is a lazy, cheeky bint but you are enabling her bc you’re scared of her ending your friendship? Well, that’s no friend anyway.

YABU to have kept doing it for so long!

You only hear from her when she wants to order domething?

She's not a friend but a user.

Say no and mean it. Whdn her stuff fails to appear bc it was never ordered she'll get the hint and leech onto someone else.

Well done @Dublinwife
Good answer.

So you think if you dont do this for her she wont bother to be your friend anymore - is that really truly the sort of friend you want/need. Dont scrape the barrel so low. Im sure you are worth a lot more than that.
Say no - point out to her that most of us have been ordering stuff online for almost 20 years and have rarely had any issues.

And find yourself some better friends!

Just type up a message. Copy one from here and top and tail to suit you. I have suggested one below but there are lots of good examples. Don't plan to press send immediately (just because i think it is easier to get the words down if you remove this from the fear of actually sending). Leave it a bit then come back and just press send. Make sure you have something to do immediately after pressing send so you are not fretting as much. In my case, for example, i might tell myself I am not allowed to watch Bake off tonight until i have pressed send, then I would send just before. If she falls out with you about this, then she was never a good friend. View it as losing a user not a losing a friend.

Here is what i would send.

Hi [Jane], i will place this order for you but this needs to be the last time. It is coming up to Christmas shopping season and i need to keep a better handle on all the payments i am making, plus it does take some time which i don't really have. Now that I have done so many orders for you with no fraud issues, hopefully you are now reassured that ordering online from reputable companies is perfectly safe (and if you are still not reassured then I am sure you won't want me to keep taking that "risk" on your behalf!!).
Let's get a date in the diary for a coffee, or even better an afternoon's Christmas shopping.

Then if she asks again, i would just keep referring back to this message. If you have already said this is last time to a previous request, then change the first line to say "As I said previously, I am sorry but I won't be doing this for you anymore.

Just say no.

I actually love ordering stuff for people. Helps me collect miles etc on my credit card without actually spending anything 😄

Aaaaw fuck, my SS used to do this. I told him he had a CC so he could do it himself. He said he didn’t want to risk being scammed, but it doesn’t matter us risking it.

Just start sending her messages asking her to get you stuff.

Glad you've sent a message to end it.

I hope you've at least made money from it via Quidco!

Glad you messaged her
I hope you've at least got points for these purchases!

Don't be surprised if you hear from her less often from now on 😔

I just feel like if I didn’t do it would we even be friends?

If you're right about thinking she would stop being friends if you stop doing this for her, then she's not worth having as a friend. What have you go to lose by saying no?

JUST SAY NO. "Really sorry but it's taking up too much of my time and credit ordering things. Unfortunately the modern world means that we all need to be able to order things for ourselves online." If she protests, just repeat "I'm sorry but I can't order things for you anymore" ad infinitum until the message is received. Can she use a credit card (paid off in full so no interest incurred) so that if her details are ever stolen, she won't actually be losing money from her bank.

Phew. Let us know her response.

She doesn't want her card info to be stolen but it's ok with her if your card info gets stolen. She's not a friend. Just say no.

Sorry friend but no, I don't have time to do that any longer.

My best friend would occasionally ask me to order clothing for her because I was at home more often to receive deliveries. She'd come round to mine, try on the clothes, decide she wasn't that bothered after all and then have me parcel them up and do the return for her as well! I.e. only send me the money if she decided to keep the item. I really don't believe she meant to be such a CF about it and it hasn't happened for years - she's a grown adult and capable of shopping online for herself, after all. But I remember it being rather annoying at the time and eventually I made excuses not to do it anymore!