Friend expects me to order everything

[Dublinwife]

A long standing friend keeps asking me to order things for her online . She refuses to even try to do it because she doesn’t want to put her card details. She won’t even sign up for an e wallet or prepaid card. It’s ok once or twice but now it’s everything. Birthdays, Christmas, anything. She gives me the money but I feel like a Secretary. Sometimes if we haven’t spoken for a couple of weeks, I’ll get a message , no hello how areyou , just can you order me this today in a large? I’ve told her she needs to do it and she just mouths the words I know, but doesn’t. I just feel like if I didn’t do it would we even be friends? How can I say no? I’ve made various excuses but I always end up doing it. Really fed up. She has family that could do it.

I’ve been ordering online for years and never been scammed yet! I mainly use Amazon, it’s as safe as houses. She expects you to risk being scammed but won’t risk her own card? Say you haven’t minded helping her in the past but you’re wanting to keep track of what you’re spending so won’t be doing it from now on. As a functioning adult she can do it herself or shop on the high street!

Just say "This isn't working for me, from now on you'll have to do your own online shopping" and don't let her guilt trip you which CFs always do...

I think that is the best option. It help her to be more independent rather than depending on other people.

I have a friend a bit like this, but not about card details, it's more 'I'll just read it wrong and make a mistake and mess it all up', but she expects me to do sooooo much mental labour for her, like read bloody insurance policies or check links of various washing machines, read the full specs and TELL her which one I think she should choose.

I started with being firm and clear by saying 'I don't want to take on that responsibility for you as it's for you and not me' or 'I have no more experience with this than you so just take your time and read' and now I just completely ignore the requests, and she does it herself.

She has many great qualities and does things for me, she'll help me if I ask and offer without me even asking, and I also do the same for her, but I was doing too much and worked to restore the balance.

No. Just say no.

Oh god not more ordering ..this is really annoying sorry love you but you sort it this time I am way too busy,

I agree with whoever said upthread re telling your friend you have been scammed, so you are no longer ordering online for yourself or anyone else. Tell her you have cancelled Prime (if the ask is to order through Prime) as you're cutting costs.

How can I say no?

You need to say no and then not do it, rather than saying no and doing it anyway.

The only reason to do it would be to get points and rewards on your own card. If not, why bother.

In an ideal world, you would just say no.

If it's too hard, just say "sorry, had to cancel my cards, I can't make any online order."

This - you just have to say no, and then not do it.

She’s a CF, but you are the problem here

I think this is a terrible idea. It just reinforces her belief that the internet isn't safe.

honestly I wouldn’t make up excuses, because it doesn’t close the conversation, she will keep checking in.

You just have to say no.

This! It’s what you are thinking.

Hi friend. I don't really understand why you feel ordering online is too risky for you but you're happy for me to take that same "risk." I won't be ordering anything else going forward, it's a bit of a pain and I think you need to sort out doing it yourself.

And as someone else pointed out, it was seemingly all right for my details to be at risk!

This is how I felt about MIL. There is some irony in the fact that she recently did get scammed! Although not online - we think her card got cloned.

I get you are anxious, but you got this. Even silly old me has learnt how to use the internet.

or some other annoying guff like that. I’d shine a light on her ineptitude.

Absolutely. She’s a CF but you’re enabling her so until you just say no loud and clear without making up excuses, you’re tye problem OP.

Say no and keep saying no

You need to channel Phoebe and say "I could, but I don't want to". Why should you keep doing something you don't want to do just because a pretend friend wants you to do all the legwork for her?

Tell yourself you will not be a wet lettuce any more. Stand up for yourself. Say "No, Mary. You can order things yourself. It will be fine. I'm not doing it for you any more." Block her number if she only messages you to get you to order things for her. You're not her PA. I bet she doesn't reward/recompense you for all the times you've done it either, because she's just using you.

She'll probably flounce but it's hardly a loss to you, is it?

You - Please can you order it yourself. I'm finding it really time consuming doing orders for people. Do you fancy getting a coffee next week? x

Her - please can you do it, im worried I'll get scammed

You - You won't get scammed. Shall we say Saturday for coffee?

Her - please can you do it just this time

You - No, being your secretary doesn't pay very well 😂

Her - I need it urgently though

You - no!

Just keep pushing back and get more and more blunt. She's unlikely to take your first no if she's a CF

What is your "AIBU"?

If it is "Am I daft to keep being a mug and not actually say the word "no"?" Then YABU

She doesn't think it's that unsafe if she's happy for "friends" to use it for her 😂

She is not a friend. Apart from being a CF, she is just someone you know.

I bet she'd soon disappear if your card was compromised.

Don't make excuses as she will try and have an answer for each one and use them against you, just say ' it doesn't work for me'

Say no, or if you can’t, make it work to your advantage with a card that gives you cash back on spends like Chase

Just tell her nicely that you are not her personal assistant.

How can I say no?

You open your mouth and sound out the syllable.