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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband annoyed when baby boy plays with 'girls' stuff

178 replies

yorkmaam · 23/10/2023 09:32

My baby boy is 18 months and I have an older DD, 4.

DS really enjoys playing with the pram and with dolls and sometimes puts DD's bag over his shoulder or tries on her necklace.

My H is getting increasingly frustrated by this and I'm getting increasingly frustrated by H getting annoyed that my son is just doing normal stuff and playing.

Does anyone else have this problem with their H ? Most recently my mum has taken to it as well when she visits, she is ' concerned ' and keeps taking away the baby dolls and pram from my son. I think it's absolutely ridiculous.

Did anyone else face this kind of issue and how did you make your H and relatives understand that your son can play however and with whatever he likes ?!?

OP posts:
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Amicompletelyinsane · 23/10/2023 09:34

I got told my 2 year old would be gay benday he was pushing a dolls pram.i asked the person if they pushed their child in a pram. I feel for you. I don't get it. Why can't a boy roll play what they see in real life! It's madness

KimberleyClark · 23/10/2023 09:38

Oh FFS!

Lazyladydaisy · 23/10/2023 09:39

I have the same age gap between my son and daughter. They constantly played with one anothers toys, dolls, cars or trains - it's normal. What is not normal is your husband and mum's reaction. Completely batshit. There is no way they'd be taking toys off of my children. Tell them to pack it in and stop being so ridiculous!

CyberCritical · 23/10/2023 09:40

Toddlers imitate those that they see and interact with, it's a normal development stage that they want to do what mum does. Toddlers also dont give a fig whether some idiot has declared a toy to be a Girl toy or a Boy toy, they just see something that looks fun and play with it.

Your DH and your mum are making themselves look like idiots by caring about this at all, they need to back off and just let your son play.

nutbrownhare15 · 23/10/2023 09:41

With the pram and dolls I'd just ask them both to explain why it's wrong for him to pretend to be a dad, do they not want him to have kids? Maybe start with, oh do you don't want to be a grandparent/great grandparent then. With your mum is be really firm and say it's unacceptable and you wont tolerate it further. With your husband it might be worth a more gentle chat about what he is worried about, is it bullying, would he have a problem if his son wasn't stereotypically masculine, etc, what is the underlying fear he has, and whether playing with toys is really going to lead to what he fears, and also to explore his own childhood as I expect he was firmly told that 'girls' toys are off limits too. You could also explore why it would be ok for DD to play with 'boys toys' and what that says about gender inequality in society.

Mrsjayy · 23/10/2023 09:43

I'm assuming your husband didn't do any caring for the children because that's for girls !

Hadalifeonce · 23/10/2023 09:43

Did your DH never hold his babies? Did he never push them in their prams or pushchairs? Did he suddenly become gay after doing that?
Perhaps you should point out to your DH and MiL that he's just practicing for when he is an adult?

Marblessolveeverything · 23/10/2023 09:43

Please have a very frank conversation about your outdated, sexist and damaging views. Honestly I could not respect a man who was that chauvinistic with a baby!

Labradoodlie · 23/10/2023 09:43

Does your husband never push a pram?

What an unpleasant idiot.

macandcheeses · 23/10/2023 09:44

Marblessolveeverything · 23/10/2023 09:43

Please have a very frank conversation about your outdated, sexist and damaging views. Honestly I could not respect a man who was that chauvinistic with a baby!

This. It has come down a much more deep rooted view and I'm surprised it's only surfacing now.

nutbrownhare15 · 23/10/2023 09:44

You could also show them this: https://www.lettoysbetoys.org.uk/why-it-matters/

Coffeerum · 23/10/2023 09:44

*DS really enjoys playing with the pram and with dolls and sometimes puts DD's bag over his shoulder or tries on her necklace.

My H is getting increasingly frustrated by this*

He thinks babies and prams are only for women and you're only just learning this?

Kucinghitam · 23/10/2023 09:46

The 1950s called and want your husband back.

MaryJanesonabreak · 23/10/2023 09:47

I enrolled my four year old son in dancing classes purely to irritate my ex and his parents. Son had a fabulous time, ex got over it.

phoenixrosehere · 23/10/2023 09:48

YANBU

I always find such people who get so upset by this ridiculous. They seem to completely ignore the fact that men get paid more than women doing girly things.

Chefs, Fashion Designers, Hairstylists, Headteachers, etc.. Most of the well-knowns are male.

Tlolljs · 23/10/2023 09:50

I wonder what he thinks will happen at nursery. Your ds will just play with all the toys there.

Kucinghitam · 23/10/2023 09:50

Here's a useful flowchart for your husband and mother. Please get them to consult it if in doubt.

Husband annoyed when baby boy plays with 'girls' stuff
SleepingStandingUp · 23/10/2023 09:50

Does you DH do stuff like nappies and pushing the buggy and playing with the baby?

Clarify exactly what the issue is. Make them say the words out loud,it might help them see how ridiculous they are.

Next time DH goes near the kids, point out that's what baby boy is copying bit you're not questioning whether he's turning gay / into a cissy etc.

Ask if he cares if DD plays with "boy" stiff and what that teaches her about boys being better.

Does he display homophobic or idiotic ideas in other areas of life?

Prescottdanni123 · 23/10/2023 09:51

People who think that their sons will become transgender if they play with toys aimed at girls are more likely to give them a complex surrounding their gender by basically telling them that if you like 'girly' thinks it means that you must want to be a woman.

Tell your DH and mother not to be so bloody daft and that gender stereotyping of toys is absolutely ridiculous and the sooner shops and society stops doing it the better. And don't let them take toys off him because they are 'for girls'. That is going to confuse him 1000x more than playing with dolls ever will.

BoohooWoohoo · 23/10/2023 09:52

Doesn't he ever play with dd and her toys?
My kids would regularly have transformers and My Little Ponies in the same game.

Hillarious · 23/10/2023 09:54

I have two friends who's sons played with dolls, such that they had their own Barbie dolls. They're now adults and are gay, but I don't think it was the playing with dolls had any role in this. My daughter made one of them a lovely Barbie princess 18th birthday cake with Ken in drag.

Caiti19 · 23/10/2023 09:57

Your husband and Mother need to be told a toddler does not classify toys. They're all just toys! Their "concern" is pathetic!

TeaAndStrumpets · 23/10/2023 09:59

My DH is very old, and was a baby in the 1950s. He still has most of his childhood toys. Alongside train sets and about a million Dinky toys from when he was older, his toys from 0- 2 years are:

Two Teddies - Big Ted ( only has one eye now) and Little Ted
A monkey puppet called Jocko
Sooty and Sweep puppets
A big toy scotty dog in a waistcoat (?????)
A giant gollywog made by his Auntie
A baby doll called Susie

He doesn't seem to be scarred for life, although he does still enjoy a good tea party😄

Original poster
yorkmaam · 23/10/2023 09:59

Yesterday he put on my DD's bag and my H looked so disgusted at him, as if he was doing something really wrong. It was horrible.

OP posts:
junbean · 23/10/2023 10:00

Why do they think they can disrespect you as the mother like that? Put your foot down, that's your child. Your husband should be discussing these things with you, not lording over you.