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Original poster

Husband annoyed when baby boy plays with 'girls' stuff

178 replies

yorkmaam · 23/10/2023 09:32

My baby boy is 18 months and I have an older DD, 4.

DS really enjoys playing with the pram and with dolls and sometimes puts DD's bag over his shoulder or tries on her necklace.

My H is getting increasingly frustrated by this and I'm getting increasingly frustrated by H getting annoyed that my son is just doing normal stuff and playing.

Does anyone else have this problem with their H ? Most recently my mum has taken to it as well when she visits, she is ' concerned ' and keeps taking away the baby dolls and pram from my son. I think it's absolutely ridiculous.

Did anyone else face this kind of issue and how did you make your H and relatives understand that your son can play however and with whatever he likes ?!?

OP posts:
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5
Saschka · 23/10/2023 10:01

Labradoodlie · 23/10/2023 09:43

Does your husband never push a pram?

What an unpleasant idiot.

You are joking about this, but I do know at least one man who refused to push his baby in a pram because it was “emasculating”. I don’t think his wife is still with him.

Blondeshavemorefun · 23/10/2023 10:03

Does your husband ever push your son in the buggy ?

Play with him ?

If men/daddy's can do this why can't boys

EvenBetta · 23/10/2023 10:04

Is your husband a vile misogynist in all aspects of life?

Silvers11 · 23/10/2023 10:06

@yorkmaam

LoL!! My son at a similar age used to fight with his older sister over access to a small plastic pram and her bean doll. So much so, we bought him his own pram and bean doll for his second Christmas when he was 20 months old!! By the time he was 5 he was into football, toy cars and trains etc

He is now in his 40's, well adjusted, married, three sons of his own and still coaches football. He's a good Dad.

Your DH and your DM are being ridiculous.

Didimum · 23/10/2023 10:06

I couldn’t accept this from my husband whatsoever. It’s completely disgusting behaviour and I would let him know in no uncertain terms that it ends now. That goes for your mother too.

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 23/10/2023 10:08

Tell your husband if your son is gay he already is.
No amount of "girls" toys is going to make him gay.

Maybe he'll be straight, maybe he'll be gay but it shouldn't matter.

Didimum · 23/10/2023 10:09

nutbrownhare15 · 23/10/2023 09:41

With the pram and dolls I'd just ask them both to explain why it's wrong for him to pretend to be a dad, do they not want him to have kids? Maybe start with, oh do you don't want to be a grandparent/great grandparent then. With your mum is be really firm and say it's unacceptable and you wont tolerate it further. With your husband it might be worth a more gentle chat about what he is worried about, is it bullying, would he have a problem if his son wasn't stereotypically masculine, etc, what is the underlying fear he has, and whether playing with toys is really going to lead to what he fears, and also to explore his own childhood as I expect he was firmly told that 'girls' toys are off limits too. You could also explore why it would be ok for DD to play with 'boys toys' and what that says about gender inequality in society.

Why must we treat the husband like glass. He’s an adult, it’s unacceptable.

arethereanyleftatall · 23/10/2023 10:09

Oh no op, I'm so sorry for you and your children.

Too late now for you, but to anyone not pregnant yet reading this - find out if the intended father of your child is a sexist twat before harming your kids by having them grow up with that as a father. And run if he is.

For you op, I guess all you can do now is mitigate the damage. Do you think your husband/mother have the brain capacity to understand how damaging their thoughts are? If yes, then educate them. If no, and you want to continue staying with them/allowing grandma to visit, then you will have to loudly call them out on it every time so that your children arent just getting the one message.

Soontobe60 · 23/10/2023 10:11

Your DH and DM both need to get a grip! Are they really that stupid to think that playing with dolls and prams will make your DS gay??? That’s so homophobic!
As soon as your DS goes to nursery / school they will be encouraged to play with all different toys.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 23/10/2023 10:11

Grim, I couldn't be with some like this.

SallyWD · 23/10/2023 10:13

I'm sorry but your DH's attitude just displays downright stupidity (and prejudice). My son loved his sister's little toy pram and took it everywhere with a teddy in. I thought it was so sweet when it broke we got him his own. My SIL worried it would "turn him gay". I just can't believe people have these ridiculous ideas!!

imnotwhoyouthinkiam · 23/10/2023 10:16

My now ex and his family were very vocal about my DS' having dolls/prams/pink things. They all thought it was ridiculous, unnecessary etc. I told them I didn't care what they thought and that my dc could play with whatever they wanted. They told me I'd make them gay.

I've now got a gay 19 year old and a bisexual 17 year old. I'm certain they would have been those things anyway regardless of their dolls as a child.

And if it is because of their childhood toys, then who cares. Being gay isn't a bad thing!

givemushypeasachance · 23/10/2023 10:16

Where did you find this bloke, the stone age?

Has he ever done any childcare, held his children when they were babies, pushed a pram?

What is it about a (presumably sparkly/pink?) shoulder bag that screams to him THIS IS FOR GIRLS ONLY IF A BOY TOUCHES THIS HE SHALL START QUESTIONING HIS GENDER/SEXUALITY?

givemushypeasachance · 23/10/2023 10:19

Also how is he with the 4 year old daughter? Is she not allowed to wear/play with certain things because that's "only for boys"? When she is older will he expect her to learn household chores while he brother doesn't have to do women's work like cooking and cleaning, if she wears a short skirt will he declare she's "asking for it" from teenage boys and older men if she's cat-called?

Sexist twat behaviour is rarely just in the one direction.

Georgeandzippyzoo · 23/10/2023 10:28

I once had a dad come into our nursery and he 'told' me to stop his son playing with the dolls and prams (he had seen him in the nursery garden). He didn't want him growing up 'like that'. I asked 'do you mean like you? ' he nearly blew up, what do you mean? What are you saying?
I pointed out that every day his son sees his dad get him and his baby brother ready to come to Nursery. Dad pushes baby brother in his pushchair and walks his son to school.

Kids imitate what they see around them, and also use their imagination playing different roles.

A friend had 4 boys. They had dolls , pushchair, ironing board etc because 'no partner will ever.complain about one of my lads, like I did about my dh. They will know this normal'

Your dh and dm are being ridiculous and i would be telling them!

SplendidUtterly · 23/10/2023 10:36

I think it's your DH that has some underlying issues with prams and toy dolls OP😂

Mydogmybestfriend · 23/10/2023 10:38

My ex was the same

BishyBarnyBee · 23/10/2023 10:46

Did you know you had married a macho/conventional/slightly homophobic man, or is this completely out of character? I do know some men that might think like this, but I wouldn't have ever married them, because gender equality and respect is such a core value for me. Do you think the signs were there and you ignored them, or has this come out of the blue for you?

JellyMops · 23/10/2023 10:50

Get your son his own dolls. If H had been given dolls to play with maybe he wouldn't see them as girls' toys and be such a dick about it. Does he also see child rearing as women's work...?

JimJonesLivesInMyHead · 23/10/2023 10:50

This is so sad 😥

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/10/2023 10:51

Your husband is an idiot. Why haven’t you told him so?

our boy lives his baby Annabel and pram until he was about 6. He loved touch rugby, too.

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/10/2023 10:52

Loved, not lives!

Absolutelymassesofcourgettes · 23/10/2023 10:53

Jeez it reminds me of the Susie Green TED talk about how her (then) son would play with girls toys and her ex husband wouldn't stand for it because he was homophobic.
So sad.

Thesearmsofmine · 23/10/2023 10:53

I can’t believe people still think like this. I would ask then what they think will happen if your ds plays with a doll or a pram. Challenge them OP and tell them how ridiculous they are.

I have 3 boys, no girls. We’ve had dolls, prams, doll slings, a dolls house, toy highchair etc, basically whatever toys they liked and wanted to play with.

JosaihMyTable · 23/10/2023 11:01

I have female siblings, only one of us is married to a woman. I don't think the toys we all played with made one of us gay and the others straight.

Dolls and prams are what men should be modelling to their children anyway, the act of being a parent. Dh has his own bag as I was sick of adding his keys, phone, wallet etc into mine. Using a bag did not make his penis fall off.