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Original poster

Husband annoyed when baby boy plays with 'girls' stuff

178 replies

yorkmaam · 23/10/2023 09:32

My baby boy is 18 months and I have an older DD, 4.

DS really enjoys playing with the pram and with dolls and sometimes puts DD's bag over his shoulder or tries on her necklace.

My H is getting increasingly frustrated by this and I'm getting increasingly frustrated by H getting annoyed that my son is just doing normal stuff and playing.

Does anyone else have this problem with their H ? Most recently my mum has taken to it as well when she visits, she is ' concerned ' and keeps taking away the baby dolls and pram from my son. I think it's absolutely ridiculous.

Did anyone else face this kind of issue and how did you make your H and relatives understand that your son can play however and with whatever he likes ?!?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Puffalicious · 23/10/2023 16:14

Daisybuttercup12345 · 23/10/2023 15:36

My Dad was born in 1919. Th little girl next doll had a doll and pram which Dad was always taking. His parents bought him one with a doll called Betty in it. They were born in Victorian times, but were forward thinking.
Your husband and mother live in the 21st century but are behaving like stereotypical victorians!
My Dad was a wonderful father.
Both my boys had dolls and prams as their sisters. One still has his doll. He is nearly 30 and has a wife!!

I love this.

3 boys here & we bought the pram, dolls, kitchen, cleaning set. They all loved their big cousin's ballet tutus. DS2 used to wear it regularly woth his wellies to the supermarket 😅.

DS1 at uni doing pure Maths, DS2 starting Engineering in August. Both huge rugby players & mountain biking enthusiasts. That masculine enough for your DH? DS2 is 6 foot 2 and wonderful- being bisexual is the least exciting thing about him, but I'm sure your twat of a DH would be horrified. Twat.

Nopenopenopenopenopenope · 23/10/2023 16:16

So your husband is a misogynist and homophobic. Not great attributes really.

MargotBamborough · 23/10/2023 16:20

Honestly I think the weirdest thing about believing that playing with dolls will make your son gay is that gay men are the least likely people to ever have their own children in the future, for fairly obvious reasons. The boys who grow up to be straight are much more likely to end up changing nappies and pushing pushchairs.

MavisMcMinty · 23/10/2023 16:30

Your husband’s an idiot. LTB. Or show him Susie Green’s TED talk.

EvenBetta · 23/10/2023 16:32

Any thoughts on the replies, @yorkmaam ?

@Ladyj84 what on earth are you wittering on about?

honeylulu · 23/10/2023 16:41

This is such a shame. My son wanted to have a baby and a pram, a toy kitchen, hoover etc. He used to play "being a daddy". He saw his dad pushing the buggy and cooking (I did as well obviously but son clearly identified himself as male early on). He didn't think about those toys as girl toys - we didn't have have a daughter until he was 9 - they were just toys.

He also loved pink because he thought it was a nice colour.

He's now 18 and clearly not gay (we wouldn't have been bothered either way) but supportive and welcoming of his and our gay friends and acquaintances.

Conversely our daughter is much more "sexist" and goes eeewww at "boys stuff" which we've never encouraged. We were a bit surprised.

Original poster
yorkmaam · 23/10/2023 16:50

EvenBetta · 23/10/2023 16:32

Any thoughts on the replies, @yorkmaam ?

@Ladyj84 what on earth are you wittering on about?

I need to stay strong and stand my ground even more.

OP posts:
Mariposista · 23/10/2023 16:53

At this age your kid has no concept of gender - he is simply playing with the toys he has to hand that he sees his big sister playing with. I'm sure at nursery he plays with a wide range of toys and wouldn't just gravitate to the dolls. He probably wouldn't even understand the concept of 'girl/boy' yet as he is still practically a baby!

If he's still doing it at 15, that's a different matter!

Karwomannghia · 23/10/2023 17:00

If you’re married to someone who would say there is ‘fault’ if your ds turns out to be gay you’re married to a homophobe.
my ds played with dolls and even pretended to breast feed when I fed dd. He is gay and I’m so glad literally no one ever questioned what he was playing with or had a problem with him coming out. Tell him to sort his shit out.

crumblingschools · 23/10/2023 17:03

Has your DH never pushed the pram, changed a nappy, been a dad? How many chores does he do?

handmademitlove · 23/10/2023 17:10

@yorkmaam he is wrong - but I wonder if he sees that you are encouraging "girly" things for your DD, but are pushing against that for your son? You say that your DD is very girly, but did she ever have 'boys' toys when she was younger? I often find that people think it is ok to encourage girls to be girly, but somehow boys need to be more neutral. When actually we need to be more neutral with all children! Everyone has commented on your DH approach to Ds, which is absolutely not the right way to behave, but perhaps consider if you are encouraging the same neutrality with your DD - or did when she was that age? Socialised behaviour starts very young, and I often hear " oh but she just loves pink" without considering that perhaps they love pink because they have been surrounded by it since they were born...

The BBC did a great documentary on this a few years ago - perhaps watch it with your DH and see?

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b09202lp

AhBiscuits · 23/10/2023 17:14

I've got a gorgeous video of my 2 year old son twirling in front of a mirror in his big sister's dress, looking absolutely delighted. He's 6 now and thinks 'girl things' are horrific. He likes pirates and war ships and ninjas. We've always just followed what he wanted to play with and what he wanted to wear. You can't make someone gay and your husband needs to drag himself into this century.

Caerulea · 23/10/2023 17:22

Would hubby or mum be bothered if your daughter played with her brothers 'boyish' things? I'd wager not. Probably be proud of her for being 'boyish'. It doesn't work both ways because, ultimately, ppl like that see being a girl as being weak - no boy should demean themselves by doing 'girly' things.

I saw a PP mention Susie Green...that.

Ask them both if it's OK for DD to play with DS toys or blue things, they'll say 'that's different' then just get them to explain why. It unravels pretty quickly from there.

Good luck! We seem to be going backwards on this issue at a rate of bloody knots.

Thedogscollar · 23/10/2023 17:33

yorkmaam · 23/10/2023 09:59

Yesterday he put on my DD's bag and my H looked so disgusted at him, as if he was doing something really wrong. It was horrible.

Omg this is so sad to read. How could anyone never mind their father look disgusted at their own child having fun.
This speaks volumes about your husband.

Your son has no concept of gender he just sees a toy and wants to play with it. Your dh and his mother are both so very wrong about this. Stick to your guns OP let him play with whatever he wants.

I'm 61 yrs old our only son had a pram and doll, kitchen and a teaset he loved those toys and we loved seeing him play with them.

Just wanted to say@Soubriquet your little boy looks absolutely gorgeous in those photos. They grow up so quickly let them just be kids and play with whatever toys they fancy.

PrinceHaz · 23/10/2023 17:42

I don’t think he sounds like a good man. Is he unpleasant in other ways too? Are you planning to stay with him?

PTSDBarbiegirl · 23/10/2023 17:51

Sad that some men are so insecure about their male identity that they don't want a rounded child who explores all roles he can play out or live out.
I'd be explaining 'transing' if I was you. I'm sure your partner doesn't want that but perhaps he's so indoctrinated about toxic masculinity and notions of homophobia himself that he doesn't understand sex based stereotypes.

MaggieMayNotBe · 23/10/2023 18:29

Prescottdanni123 · 23/10/2023 09:51

People who think that their sons will become transgender if they play with toys aimed at girls are more likely to give them a complex surrounding their gender by basically telling them that if you like 'girly' thinks it means that you must want to be a woman.

Tell your DH and mother not to be so bloody daft and that gender stereotyping of toys is absolutely ridiculous and the sooner shops and society stops doing it the better. And don't let them take toys off him because they are 'for girls'. That is going to confuse him 1000x more than playing with dolls ever will.

Edited

Exactly ! This is the kind of thing that led to the horrible experimental "sissy boy" treatment in 60s USA, where a sick and evil psychologist advised parents to beat a boy for playing with his sister's toys.

Seriously, do people like the OP's husband really believe their child's boy parts will drop of if they play with the "wrong" toy ?? Funny how nobody cares when a girl wants to play with boys toys.

PeloMom · 23/10/2023 18:31

@Kucinghitam this made me laugh. Hope you don’t mind I’ve saved it for next time hubby makes a face when DS wants to wear a princess dress🤣

Raisinganiguana · 23/10/2023 18:34

I don’t feel sorry for you. You chose to have kids with a Neanderthal idiot. I’m just sorry for your kids

Original poster
yorkmaam · 23/10/2023 18:35

handmademitlove · 23/10/2023 17:10

@yorkmaam he is wrong - but I wonder if he sees that you are encouraging "girly" things for your DD, but are pushing against that for your son? You say that your DD is very girly, but did she ever have 'boys' toys when she was younger? I often find that people think it is ok to encourage girls to be girly, but somehow boys need to be more neutral. When actually we need to be more neutral with all children! Everyone has commented on your DH approach to Ds, which is absolutely not the right way to behave, but perhaps consider if you are encouraging the same neutrality with your DD - or did when she was that age? Socialised behaviour starts very young, and I often hear " oh but she just loves pink" without considering that perhaps they love pink because they have been surrounded by it since they were born...

The BBC did a great documentary on this a few years ago - perhaps watch it with your DH and see?

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b09202lp

I honestly hadn't thought about it too much. I just bought her lots of pink stuff since she was born. I also bought my son blue stuff. But I just didn't think it was a big deal. I just did what felt natural. I think it's ok to buy blue things for a boy and pink things for a girl.

I also think it's ok to buy neutral stuff for a boy and for a girl and I also have some really nice neutral stuff for them.

As for my DD liking ' boy ' thing, that's allowed apparently. Everyone finds it funny and thinks she's feisty for it.

OP posts:
SweetFemaleAttitude · 23/10/2023 18:44

How do you cope being married to a pathetic, thick neanderthal?

Sounds like he genuinely believes you can 'catch the gay'

I couldn't bear to be around him with his outlook on this stuff. I would have zero respect for him.

I'd be telling my mum to piss off too, but thankfully, she's not as thick as mince.

mathanxiety · 23/10/2023 19:02

MaggieMayNotBe · 23/10/2023 18:29

Exactly ! This is the kind of thing that led to the horrible experimental "sissy boy" treatment in 60s USA, where a sick and evil psychologist advised parents to beat a boy for playing with his sister's toys.

Seriously, do people like the OP's husband really believe their child's boy parts will drop of if they play with the "wrong" toy ?? Funny how nobody cares when a girl wants to play with boys toys.

Show quote history

It's because they think of female as the lower status sex. A boy loses status if he isn't manly. A girl gains status if she doesn't care for all thinks pink and sparkly.

It all boils down to misogyny.

MavisMcMinty · 23/10/2023 19:07

I went looking for Susie Green’s TED talk to link to, @yorkmaam about how her boy-toddler/child liked dolls, and his homophobic Dad TOOK THE TOYS AWAY, so little Jack/ie told his Mum at the age of 4 that he was a girl. Long story short, Susie Green took her child to Thailand to have GRS on their 16th birthday.

Anyway, the talk has been taken down from all platforms including TED’s own site since February this year. KJK/Posie Parker did a video at that time critiquing Susie Green’s TED talk, then Jackie Green did a video critique of KJK’s critique, then suddenly all those videos were gone, including the original.

MargotBamborough · 23/10/2023 20:57

MavisMcMinty · 23/10/2023 19:07

I went looking for Susie Green’s TED talk to link to, @yorkmaam about how her boy-toddler/child liked dolls, and his homophobic Dad TOOK THE TOYS AWAY, so little Jack/ie told his Mum at the age of 4 that he was a girl. Long story short, Susie Green took her child to Thailand to have GRS on their 16th birthday.

Anyway, the talk has been taken down from all platforms including TED’s own site since February this year. KJK/Posie Parker did a video at that time critiquing Susie Green’s TED talk, then Jackie Green did a video critique of KJK’s critique, then suddenly all those videos were gone, including the original.

Well, now, isn't that interesting?

Caerulea · 23/10/2023 21:11

As for my DD liking ' boy ' thing, that's allowed apparently. Everyone finds it funny and thinks she's feisty for it.

And there's the misogyny, just as predicted