Husband annoyed when baby boy plays with 'girls' stuff

[yorkmaam]

My baby boy is 18 months and I have an older DD, 4.

DS really enjoys playing with the pram and with dolls and sometimes puts DD's bag over his shoulder or tries on her necklace.

My H is getting increasingly frustrated by this and I'm getting increasingly frustrated by H getting annoyed that my son is just doing normal stuff and playing.

Does anyone else have this problem with their H ? Most recently my mum has taken to it as well when she visits, she is ' concerned ' and keeps taking away the baby dolls and pram from my son. I think it's absolutely ridiculous.

Did anyone else face this kind of issue and how did you make your H and relatives understand that your son can play however and with whatever he likes ?!?

You seem to be underplaying how damaging your DH is to his children, DS in particular.

This is so bizarre. My DD got bought all the usual dolls and kitchenette etc but she also was bought toolkits and cars. She would not play with a doll for love nor money and getting her to pretend to make me dinner was met with a look of indifference. Meanwhile she could build a great fort and race cars like no one’s business.

As a result my son who came a few years later luckily had a raft of different toys to play with. Guess which were his faves? The dolls and the kitchenette. He was ace at making pretend cups of tea and he is so caring with small children

now they are both teens. My son is the most amazing cook (didn’t get from me!!) and he is a well trained tea maker. My daughter still has no interest in cooking or small children at all but loves go karting and building stuff. My daughter is exceedingly girlie and my son is a big rugby player and I couldn’t have cared less if the opposite was true but ultimately the toys they played with impacted them in no way other than to give them and outlet as to their respective interests.

If he doesn't get to push prams and hold babies he might end up a shit Dad just like his own Father.

my husband is similar, my boy just doesn't have chance to play with girls toys because his sisters are 11 and 14 years older than he is.

Your dh is right @yorkmaam . If you don't stamp out every attempt at empathy or nurturing or imagination in your little boy right from the get go, how is he going to grow up to be a misogynistic arsehole? Just like his dad

Your DH is an idiot.

I have two DC, both are boys. My nearly 3 year old is obsessed with looking after dolls, his toy kitchen, and his cleaning set. We bought these toys for him specifically… they’re not leftovers from an older sister and it wouldn’t have crossed my mind not to let him have them just because he has a penis. If my DH complained I’d be furious.

There is no such thing as toys for boys and toys for girls… every child deserves to play with a whatever makes them happy (and I’d be far too scared to try and take my nieces favourite truck from her anyway).

Please don’t let him sprout this nonsense in front of your son. We’ll never get rid of toxic masculinity if parents shame little boys for showing empathy.

I'm so sad that your kids have to grow up being taught that it's someone's 'fault' that someone else is gay. Like there's something wrong with us.

My 6yo loves football and dancing equally (and is probably better at dance actually). He loved pushing his baby to the park in his pram and building complex train tracks. He loves Lego, and his toy kitchen. He likes to play hairdressers and ninjas.

You need to do what you can to get your husband to see how wrong he is.

It's just play and learning about the world. None of this effects sexual orientation or gender.

My DS had his own Barbie because he wanted one and was given a baby girl doll that he loved. He pushed a friends stroller around for hours. He was also football mad and loved trains.

He is very much a straight humane male not that it would have mattered if he was gay.

One of my ex's played with pots and a kitchen when he was small and became a chef. He was always thankful that his parents encouraged his love of cooking. The man would cook all day at work, come home and cook some more and cook all weekend!

Your DH needs to get over himself.

Does your DH change nappies, cook food, do laundry and other “girl’s stuff)?

I disagree. Why does the mum get the firm I will not tolerate this chat where the husband gets the more gentle approach?? This is just pandering to him and his outdated pathetic views!

There is no such thing as "girls stuff" at that age.

That sort of attitude does show why we have problems later on.

Your DH sounds both homophobic and sexist. He is disgusted because he looks down on women and the things that society has designated as "for women". If your DD wanted to play football I bet he'd be happy enough.

What's 'girly' about pushing a pram? Perfectly normal for a child to play at being a parent. Has your husband never held, comforted, played with, fed or dressed his kids, or pushed them in a pram? Why wouldn't he want his son to play at doing the same? My nephew used to love pretending to be a daddy when he was little.

With your husband it might be worth a more gentle chat

Why gentle? Might it hurt the poor big man's sexist feelings?

So he is homophobic then? If being gay is something caused by someone at fault rather than just the interplay of genetics. Did you know he was homophobic before you had kids with him?

My DS regularly dresses up in his sisters Disney Princess dresses, and I have painted all their nails. They’re just playing.

What are you going to do about your dreadful husband?

Well I'm a sahm of 4 hubby works. Had a great career but knew once children came along wanted to be home with them and hubby fully agreed. Not sure why you wouldn't have own bank account and not have access to funds unquestioned or have him sort holidays etc lol we do all together and unless a mega family purchase the rest is spent as and when one of us wants to. Plus hubby dives right in with housework,meal making or sorting kids when he gets in which is a plus as they are all under 3. I love my life and wouldn't change it

This is my little boy being a “complete girl” with his big sisters toys. He didn’t see them as girl toys. Just things to play with. He’s 8 now and a typical “boy”. Hates pink and wouldn’t be seen with anything sparkly. Luckily, his dad didn’t care. He even let me take him to ballet, not that ds wanted to in the end. Saying that though, if either of my kids “turn gay” I can be reassured that dh would be supportive

Did your DH never hold your children when they were babies or push them in the pram? Does he never wear any jewellery or carry a bag? Does he never cook or do any housework?
There is no such thing as a boys toy or a girls toy. Only toys. I thought attitudes like that had died out years ago.
OP you really need to stand firm and let your children play with a wide variety of toys otherwise your son will grow up with some very outdated and unpleasant views about what it means to be male.

What are they afraid of?

Well rounded children who make good parents?

I suspect they are afraid he will "turn" gay!

Send them back to the 50s where those views belong fgs.

I have a glorious photo of my lovely son at two, who is gay, using a Teletubbies tv as a handbag! All my exH rantings were for nought.

My H would not be cool with that at all. Sometimes DS finds an old dummy that's pink and he hates seeing him with it. I used some pink sleeping bags for DS and my H kept going on about that too. Not to take pics as DS will be confused.

He thinks that nowadays children are confused as it is as there are pressures to be gay/ bi/ male / female / whatever, that it's important we don't confuse him. If he decides that he sees himself as not a boy or that he is gay, that's fine. But we need to try not to confuse him that he's a girl as there's a lot of confusion for children around that right now anyway.

I'm not saying I agree, but that's his explanation.

I still think it's silly and unnecessary.

I honestly couldn't live with such a homophobic nob.

He's a massive homophobe. That's what it boils down to and I suspect he wouldn't in fact 'be fine' if your son came out as gay when older.

Your DH is a moron and this is bringing out his sexist and misogynistic prejudices.

You need to nip this in the bud before it starts affecting your children or being picked up by them.

Your child is 18 mths old. He doesn't see himself as a boy or a girl, just a small person who wants to play with whatever interesting toy happens to be around.