Who are the breastfeeding mafia?!?!?

[PlumPudd]

I often see threads on Mumsnet where people talk about feeling pressured to breastfeed by the breastfeeding mafia or shamed for not breastfeeding. And I’m curious…

Who are these breastfeeding mafiosos?? If you felt pressured to breastfeed, can you explain where this tangible pressure actually came from? Especially when, if you do chose to formula feed, you’ll be doing what the vast majority of UK women do, so you won’t be in the minority and will be surrounded by other women doing the same. Is it just that being told “breast is best” is upsetting if that’s not what you’re choosing?

Why (if the breastfeeding mafia are so powerful) are they also so unsuccessful with breastfeeding rates in the UK among the lowest in the developing world? My experience with the so called mafia (aka midwives, doctors, council funded breastfeeding support teams) is that they were either not there, too busy to help or repeatedly told me to formula feed if I so much as asked for help with a latch.

I 100% believe it’s women’s choice how they feed their babies, but that that choice needs to be informed by accurate information provided by scientists and healthcare professionals, (aka breast is best but formula is fine) and that women need to be supported in whatever they chose, meaning proper lactation consultants and follow up care for mothers that want to try breastfeeding and guidance on paced bottle feeding and techniques for those who chose formula - and both for those who combi.

I pumped milk into a bottle because it made me feel comfortable. Couldn’t care less what anyone else thought. It was for me.

Yeah, I cant think of a single moment when Ill feel comfortable getting my tits out to feed my baby, when shes born...

I am undecided on breastfeeding. Im due on 5 months, but the decision will mostly be made by how easy it happens.
I know I dont have it in me to go through any pain or tears to breastfeed my baby. If it hurts, I am stopping, and feeding her formula! Or Il try pumping and then bottle feeding. But I wont cry while feeding my baby, when there are other alternatives!

My baby will be bottle fed anyway, as I will be going back to work after 4 months, so need to get her used to it for when she goes to nursery! If I have enough milk, those bottles are likely to be expressed breastmilk. But if not, they will be formula!

I know I wont feel bad about it, and aI wont allow anyone to make me feel bad about it, but not everyone is the same.

A friend of mine even had her MIL grab her boob to put it in babys mouth, when she was struggling to BF her first child! That is NOT ok, and that is the definition of the breastfeeding mafia!

I think it's comments like this that still grate on me (which I only hear on Mumsnet) even nearly three years later.

My autism and extremely sensitive nipples are not things that could be tackled to make breastfeeding a suitable option for me, as much as I wish it could have been.

I was being sarcastic. 🙄
There is nothing of the sort about women who breastfeed in public . Clearly. Although some people clearly think otherwise.

It’s far more weird and juvenile to sexualise breastfeeding reducing it to “getting your tits out” as that poster wrote

I think that's the best attitude to have if you're interested in giving it a go. I went back to work when DS was 3 months which is a reason why I just formula fed from the start but if I had wanted to try, I definitely would've approached it like that.

Also the social media posts about the benefits of breastfeeding really don't help. Women talking about how breastfeeding is best because it is so quick and easy and promotes bonding. It really does not help when you are finding it anything but easy and coming to dread every feed.

“ASGIRC

A friend of mine even had her MIL grab her boob to put it in babys mouth, when she was struggling to BF her first child! That is NOT ok, and that is the definition of the breastfeeding mafia”

A horrible nurse did this with our firstborn. Her fingers were yellow and she stank of cigarettes. I told her to get her filthy hands away from my daughter’s mouth in no uncertain terms. If I hadn’t just had 32 hour labour, I think I may have been tempted to slap her.

ASGIRC
“Yeah, I cant think of a single moment when Ill feel comfortable getting my tits out to feed my baby, when shes born...”

Oh was very comfortable bf in private, just not for public entertainment. This was 29 and 20 years ago. Used to drop eldest at school then go to Sainsbury’s cafe for breakfast and youngest would fall asleep as he was fed. at first, straightforward bf but I very soon realised that people, older men in particular, would openly gawp at me. Switched to pump and bottle, could enjoy my tea cake unobserved.

You’d think all these years on it would have changed but I still see people, still older men in particular, brazenly staring.

I want to give it a go, cause it is so much cheaper, if it works it will be a massive saving! But I have my doubts about it. So we shall see how it goes!

But I am not letting anyone shame me, regardless of what Im doing to feed my child!

This might be hard to believe, but when I had my DD1, I had never seen a newborn, much less knew as a kid why one of my friends when playing had put a doll up against her, instead of laying it down with a bottle. If it hadn't been for this so called Mafia, I genuinely wouldn't have known about BF or how it worked.

As it was, I was then subjected to constant grief about being weird, creepy, deciding to starve my baby like 'an Ethiopian, because that's why they're so thin and dying on TV, they don't know any better or they'd give them a bottle' (yep, nice bit of racism thrown in there), then told every time the baby cried that it was because she was hungry and I was going to kill her, cot deaths only happened to breastfed babies, etc, etc. Oh, and the midwives whispering to the now ex that if he waited until I had a shower, here was a bottle of formula to sneak her.

Didn't help that nobody noticed a tongue tie, so it felt like I'd birthed a parrot and was in agony for the first fortnight until my milk supply was established and I'd read about the American football hold to alter her position. From another 'mafia' leaflet.

Made it to six months and even the originally supportive MIL kept asking why I hadn't switched to full cream milk yet because BF wasn't enough for her and it wasn't fair on ex that I was depriving him of a chance to bond with the baby/she could have the baby to stay and go on holiday with her if I'd just stop and buy blue top milk.

There was constant pressure to bottlefeed. All the bloody time.

You should come to my part of the north east, you are odd if you breastfeed. Random people telling you to FF.

Everyone bottle feeds and nearly every child has a dummy.

@TheBirdintheCave

Well that's exactly it.

We are told 'breast is best' but then are told 'fed is best' and to not worry if it doesn't work out. It's very mixed up and can be very confusing.

The fact is, breast milk is best and no amount of arguing will change that. The act of breast feeding however may not be best for some or even many and we need to tackle why this is. Genuine health reasons, education, social pressures, opinion, support available from family or otherwise.

@TheBirdintheCave

I think it's comments like this that still grate on me (which I only hear on Mumsnet) even nearly three years later.

My autism and extremely sensitive nipples are not things that could be tackled to make breastfeeding a suitable option for me, as much as I wish it could have been.

Well that would come under genuine health reasons wouldn't it?

@AGAbaker But you said those reasons needed tackling? Not that those reasons were excluded 🤔

"The act of breast feeding however may not be best for some or even many and we need to tackle why this is."

Did I misinterpret this?

@TheBirdintheCave probably not made clear enough but I thought it would be a given that little can be done about genuine health issues.

@AGAbaker Ok :)

For further clarification, I've been told before that I was lying about not being able to breastfeed and to just admit that I didn't want to, so I guess I'm a bit touchy about the subject 😅

The breastfeeding mafia are within the NHS. Staff who promote breastfeeding, to the exclusion of FF no matter whether it is appropriate or not. I had twins. I did not produce enough milk for 2 babies, yet I was repeatedly told not to give a bottle. I was in a very fragile emotional state due to PND so I did what I was told. My babies lost weight. We were admitted to hospital where a pediatrician told me to FF as I didn't have enough milk. Babies regained weight. We were sent home. HV visited and informed me I should resume BF. I did. Guess what happened? Obviously I shouldn't have followed that advice but I was suffering from PND and anxiety my babies would be taken away so I did. I was put in touch with a feeding consultant who had me drugged to produce more milk, I also had to weigh each baby before a feed, then immediately after to see how much weight milk they'd taken and top up with formula afterwards. Every 2 hours. Between that I had to pump to increase supply. Guess what happend to my mental health. It wasn't good. This went on for 5 months. They were the hardest months of my life, when they should have been the happiest. One of my babies was admitted to hospital for bronchiolitis and I broke down in years to the peadatrician asking if it was ally fault because I hadn't been able to provide enough breast milk to keep them healthy. The doctor told me in no uncertain terms that was not the case and it would make no difference how I fed my babies. I switched to fully formula feeding right there and then and honestly it was the best thing ever.

Probably due to the ridiculous pressure, for me it was my sister, a horrible visiting midwife, acquaintances at mummy groups.

Yes good point about the stats at six months etc missing combi feeders. Although our rates for exclusive feeding are still much lower than other countries, and a lack of support is probably behind some of the big drop off.

No need to get nasty and accuse me of lying or being faux naive.

Im wondering / asking where the judgement comes from, not saying nobody is being judged

Pretty much everywhere you look! It starts in the antenatal clinics in the hospital - constant loop playing videos relentlessly pushing breastfeeding, huge posters extolling the benefits, subtle pressure from midwives to at least 'give it a go,' midwives on the postnatal ward manhandling my breasts into the mouth of my one hour old, jaundiced baby who couldn't have been the least bit interested in feeding at all...my experience with my first was honestly horrific, got told my nipples were 'too flat' to be useful for breastfeeding, I really wanted to but son wasn't interested in latching at all, the specialist feeding midwife came out once we were home, and was also useless. Eventually concluded my milk was slow to come in due to PCOS and lack of interest from baby to stimulate supply. I had to bottle feed as the breastfeeding mafia were no help at all, I had the number from a private feeding consultant who had come to my NCT sessions, she stated she helped with all types of feeding, I messaged her desperate for help as by now my son was clicking on the bottle and seemed in pain constantly- she helped several of my friends who had managed to breastfeed, never even had the decency to reply to my message! I'm due my second this week and aside from being a bit more determined to try and get some colustrum at least for baby this time, as soon as we get home I will be bottle feeding, as quite honestly the emotional trauma and lack of help and support last time sent me into a very deep spiral. That being said, there is no help and support for bottle feeding either - which isn't always the 'easy' option people seem to think it is.

Yes NCT is very focused on breastfeeding. I made a point of interjecting in mine and saying that while I intended to breastfeed, it was good to remember that a lot of the differences between BF and formula that the facilitator was mentioning were more pronounced in a developing world context where women were less likely to have access to sterilisers and clean running water and that one huge benefit of formula was that you could share night feeds etc.

Also zero information or contradictory information about how safely to bottle feed.

When people use that term, they aren’t talking about an underground network of women who are systematically trying to take down big formula. They’re using it a glib nickname to refer to the militant breast feeders who insert themselves into conversations they were not invited to.

this x100. OP: "I'm finding sterilising bottles as I go really hard work, how long do they stay sterile for if I leave them in the machine" BFM: "you wouldn't have this problem if you breastfed. The issues with bacteria are much more limited and the natural bacteria found on the breast are better for your baby than sterilised bottles".

Also, I came across multiple NCT, midwifes etc who were definitely militant about breastfeeding (to be fair, I met as many who were completely normal and balanced). I particularly enjoy remembering the woman who told me to keep persevering as my breast reduction would NOT have impacted by milk supply and then, five minutes later into the conversation told me that her daughter wanted a breast reduction but she'd advised her not to do it until after she had children for this reason. hahahahahaha.

My biggest mistake was going to not. They showed a video of a new mother with a baby reaching up and latching on to breastfeed. It looked so easy.

I also think breastfeeding numbers would be higher if there was honesty about it.

All of the talk from antenatal sources is how simple and easy it is. It’s hassle free because of no sterilising etc.

Which means when it goes wrong women think it’s something they’ve done and they’re sideswiped by it. If women were expecting it to be tricky then they’d be prepared for that.

Yet I nearly got kicked out of an NCT group for saying that it can be tricky, and sometimes downright difficult as apparently that was putting people off.

I think you are right in the phrase breast is best can be very upsetting.
It's like saying if you can't you aren't doing the best for your child which is upsetting for any parent.