Who are the breastfeeding mafia?!?!?

[PlumPudd]

I often see threads on Mumsnet where people talk about feeling pressured to breastfeed by the breastfeeding mafia or shamed for not breastfeeding. And I’m curious…

Who are these breastfeeding mafiosos?? If you felt pressured to breastfeed, can you explain where this tangible pressure actually came from? Especially when, if you do chose to formula feed, you’ll be doing what the vast majority of UK women do, so you won’t be in the minority and will be surrounded by other women doing the same. Is it just that being told “breast is best” is upsetting if that’s not what you’re choosing?

Why (if the breastfeeding mafia are so powerful) are they also so unsuccessful with breastfeeding rates in the UK among the lowest in the developing world? My experience with the so called mafia (aka midwives, doctors, council funded breastfeeding support teams) is that they were either not there, too busy to help or repeatedly told me to formula feed if I so much as asked for help with a latch.

I 100% believe it’s women’s choice how they feed their babies, but that that choice needs to be informed by accurate information provided by scientists and healthcare professionals, (aka breast is best but formula is fine) and that women need to be supported in whatever they chose, meaning proper lactation consultants and follow up care for mothers that want to try breastfeeding and guidance on paced bottle feeding and techniques for those who chose formula - and both for those who combi.

@Splishsplashsplooshsplosh i don’t disagree re healthcare professionals. I don’t think there is enough investment for women who want to feed. With birth I think the overarching consideration is the cost of a c-section.

Yeah, suggesting that it is a project without sacrifice, discomfort and skill rather masks the effort that goes in to a successful breastfeeding relationship. It might not be akin to getting a degree, which I found enjoyable and easy, fwiw, but more like a physical accomplishment, like training for a sporting event.

This.

For me, breastfeeding wasn’t without physical and mental sacrifice. i.E The fact DH hasn’t EVER done a night feed for either of my children is one thing, my second had a tongue tie and destroyed my nipples. It hurt, it was difficult at times. I am proud of myself and my body that I did it.

But in the same way I can be happy for
someone who had a great water birth, I can accept that other women have a different set of circumstances and journey to me.

I do get that @Desecratedcoconut but I almost guarantee you that the path I was pushed into taking to BF (against my wishes or indeed mine or my babies health) was almost definitely harder. And THAT is why it grates. You tried hard, it was difficult, you didn't give up in the face of adversity and that's great. But honestly if you had to do what I did (and I'm sure I'm not the only one) you'd understand that it's a bit like saying a really good runner, training every hour and finally winning the Olympics after LOADS of work. Now imagine the same runner with a disability like say blindness or one leg. How amazing do you feel having won against them? There is no "Paralympics" of BF. You either do it or you don't. But if you don't you get shit for it. And pushed into it. I had HV coming round every single week until my babies were 5 months. I realise with hindsight it's because they were weighing them to make sure they didn't need to be readmitted (again) and they wanted to keep an eye on me because I'd refused medical help for my MH issues because I was terrified my babies would be taken away. Because I had PND and because I believed they all thought I was neglecting them because they weren't gaining BECAUSE IF I JIST TRIED HARDER THEY WOULD, right?

With respect @Splishsplashsplooshsplosh i think your thoughts on feeding and health care professionals are intertwined with other issues.

Im sorry you had such a shit time.

To be clear - I do thinking you should be proud of having BF. It's awesome. But it's not something that should be gone on about with people who couldn't.
Ok maybe a better analogy - we had infertility, took 5 rounds of IVF to get pregnant. It was awful. I am proud that we persevered and we got our amazing miracle babies. But I would absolutely not tell anyone who was currently struggling with IF that I was proud of our achievement. I would say I was lucky because that's the truth.

They are everywhere! Health visitors, midwives, everyone you speak to. "Breast is best "
So much pressure

I never came across it myself. In my family it was the absolute opposite. I was the first to BF in 3 generations, my 90yr old Nana gave her babies evaporated milk rather than BF.

I just don’t mention it as I have said. For reasons that have been demonstrated as the conversation as evolved.

@DinoDunks yeah you're right. I am trauma dumping a bit I think. Sorry about that. It genuinely was caused by the pressure to BF and inability to listen to me though by every single HcP we came across. Anyway I'll bow out now.

The evidence that breast is better than formula isn’t accurate though, is it. When adjusted for socio economics the different is marginal at best, if at all. It’s an outdated assumption and claim that is perpetuated by health professionals. Proper evidence based approaches would absolutely take the heat out of all this. I breast fed and loved it and believe it was best for my family.

I felt a lot of pressure to breastfeed from the staff when I gave birth

I agree with this.

I had DS vaginally with an epidural
I'll be having an elective c-section this time because I'm having twins and have no desire to 'try' for a vaginal birth with twins

I don't see either as an achievement, just something that happens when you get pregnant. You give birth.

I feel the same way about feeding. A baby needs feeding, there's two different methods or a mixture/expressing and that's just what you do when you have a baby. You feed him/her, not an achievement.

I’m not sure what you mean by ‘tangible pressure’ but I definitely felt pressure to breastfeed with my son.

A lot of it came from the strong desire to be seen as doing the best possible thing. I really wanted to breastfeed, and whenever I expressed this while pregnant I got a strong, positive reaction from my midwife. Then when I started trying in hospital I got so much positive reinforcement - I was consistently told I was right to persevere, that it was the best thing for my son, etc.

Mothering a newborn is very hard, and you rarely have someone to tell you how well you’re doing. Breastfeeding, and being told how well I was doing my my midwives and health visitor, really made me feel like there was definitely something I was doing right and getting praised for in a time of huge uncertainty.

Thanks to a combination of perseverance, good luck and support I was able to get breastfeeding established and I did it for 16 months. But I suffered from quite severe PPA which strongly manifested as a terrible fear of doing the ‘wrong’ thing. If I hadn’t been able to breastfeed (which might have happened for a number of reasons), I think it would have truly made me feel awful because all of that positive reinforcement from health professionals must imply a converse - that if breastfeeding is the best possible thing you can do when it comes to feeding your child, then not breastfeeding is not the best thing. I would have struggled with that very much and it would have made me even more ill than I was.

I don’t know what the answer is. Breastfeeding rates are low in this country, and I did find breastfeeding hugely rewarding in the end. I would like for those women who really want to breastfeed and stop before they would really like to because of difficulties that might be overcome with the right support to have that support. But it’s a difficult balance to strike - how do you promote and support it without making women who struggle for very valid reasons feel worse? Breastfeeding should never be at the expense of the mother’s wellbeing, whether physical or mental.

We clearly aren’t getting it right at the moment because breastfeeding rates are still low, and yet the formula-feeding majority are being made to feel bad about their decision. That is clearly the worst of all possible worlds!

I don’t know - birth went wrong for me, so I had an elective the second time but I think I’d have been happier if it went well. It is most definitely one of those things so I don’t really dwell on it (although my vagina has been utterly destroyed and I struggle with that). You only get one shot - you can’t persevere with birth, it’s either progressing or it’s not. Breastfeeding you can stop/start and have an opportunity to get help etc etc. So I don’t view them as all that similar.

My first got stuck and I was loosing too much blood. He needed yanking out. Whereas breastfeeding my second was difficult, so I saw a lactation consultant and got a tongue tie cut.

You tried hard, it was difficult, you didn't give up in the face of adversity and that's great. But honestly if you had to do what I did (and I'm sure I'm not the only one) you'd understand that it's a bit like saying a really good runner, training every hour and finally winning the Olympics after LOADS of work. Now imagine the same runner with a disability like say blindness or one leg. How amazing do you feel having won against them?

I have three children, I was only able to successfully breastfeed two of them. My first had a tongue tie and it just didn't work out. Having a success in life doesn't have to be at the expense of somebody else. I wasn't winning with dc2 and dc3. But it did still require skill and effort. I don't think feeling a sense of achievement about that is an insult to my experience with dc1.

I had a terrible time breastfeeding with my first and gave up after a few days. I didn't breastfeed my second due to the trauma of the first. I NEVER had any pressure from midwives or anyone afterwards. They were nothing but supportive. I've never seen evidence of the breastfeeding mafia

Of course it's an achievement. How would you know when you've never done it. You literally sweat blood and tears. It's hard work for some. Was for me as my son had tongue tie.

Not everyone who breastfeeds would agree it’s an achievement either.

It largely depends on support which not everyone is available to receive for whatever reason.

The two women who made me cry in a feeding room with my son because I was formula feeding him. Those who continually commented around "all you need to do is..." when breastfeeding my son would have killed him - they knew better than his extensive medical team. The time I was told to leave a feeding room because my son wasn't breast fed because those rooms were only for breastfeeding mothers (there were very good reasons I was in there and not just in the cafe). The woman who told me my son would suffer growing up because he won't bond with me because he wasn't breast fed.

The woman who, when I was out with my newborn second child, told me how heartbreaking it was to see my son being bottle fed (it was expressed breast milk, but first his few 6 weeks we had a lot of latching issues, so I expressed for when we were out of the house).

I thought they were called the Breastapo.
In any case, they’re best ignored, and I say that as someone who breastfed both of mine.
As a pp has said, some people can never mind their own business when it comes to babies - they endlessly want to tell other people what they ought (or ought not) to be doing.

A polite but chilly, ‘I don’t need your advice, thank you,’ should do it.

Just a guess but I feel like there is alot of pressure before you give birth but when the baby is here, if it's not working there may not be the resource in your area to help. I live in Bath and so far it feels like there is alot of support.