Who are the breastfeeding mafia?!?!?

[PlumPudd]

I often see threads on Mumsnet where people talk about feeling pressured to breastfeed by the breastfeeding mafia or shamed for not breastfeeding. And I’m curious…

Who are these breastfeeding mafiosos?? If you felt pressured to breastfeed, can you explain where this tangible pressure actually came from? Especially when, if you do chose to formula feed, you’ll be doing what the vast majority of UK women do, so you won’t be in the minority and will be surrounded by other women doing the same. Is it just that being told “breast is best” is upsetting if that’s not what you’re choosing?

Why (if the breastfeeding mafia are so powerful) are they also so unsuccessful with breastfeeding rates in the UK among the lowest in the developing world? My experience with the so called mafia (aka midwives, doctors, council funded breastfeeding support teams) is that they were either not there, too busy to help or repeatedly told me to formula feed if I so much as asked for help with a latch.

I 100% believe it’s women’s choice how they feed their babies, but that that choice needs to be informed by accurate information provided by scientists and healthcare professionals, (aka breast is best but formula is fine) and that women need to be supported in whatever they chose, meaning proper lactation consultants and follow up care for mothers that want to try breastfeeding and guidance on paced bottle feeding and techniques for those who chose formula - and both for those who combi.

I found that formula feeding wasn't even discussed and that breast feeding was really pushed prior to the birth of my baby. Only when I was really struggling with breastfeeding and my baby was losing weight was formula even suggested (with a certain amount of disdain too). I ended up seriously ill and back in hospital after the birth and only when I broke down and said I could no longer cope with breastfeeding and the worry and stress it was causing me did someone say it was 'okay' to formula feed. If I hadn't felt so much pressure by healthcare professionals to breastfeed my mental health wouldn't have suffered so badly from my inability to breastfeed.

The way breastfeeding is elevated makes many mothers feel like a failure if they struggle to do so. And also the way that many suggest that it's a 'choice' not to breastfeed. Obviously, it is a decision that a mother makes, but that 'choice' is between a healthy thriving baby on formula or a hungry undernourished baby breastfeeding. Due to the societal pressure surrounding breastfeeding it is often one of the hardest and most painful decisions a mother will make. Perhaps not in hindsight, but at the time I felt like a complete and utter failure and like less of a mother because I couldn't breastfeed my baby and caused her to lose weight.

I agree I found it the other way. The pressure to ff was massive whilst I was in a minority of bf in my nct group (direct pressures from mum and mil of ‘my milk dryed up at 2-3 months’ and insinuations that I was starving my son as he was unsettled and had reflux .

And as lovely as the nct girls were - they really were! It was rather grating to hear convo after convo about the bf mafioso. And I was sat there thinking but who actually are they! No one in their direct life was judging them yet they felt genuinely judged. I think it was really them judging themselves and trying to get support from peers to crush these inner demons. That in it self is sad but it also left me unable to feel I could speak about the direct pressures I was facing.

It’s all very complicated. Mums just feel guilty and rubbish no matter what we do.

Because it’s normal. This attitude is the sexualisation of breasts. They’re feeding, why is a breast shameful but a bottle isn’t? Because you think it’s a sexual organ, it’s not. Get over it. If you’re comfortable with a bottle in public without being covered up, you should be comfortable with a breast too. I hate this attitude, it’s terrible.

Pressure was other mums. Mostly well meaning but a lot of questioning when I wanted to mix feed if I was getting 'the support I needed to breastfeed', which I know was well meant but at the same time I found very infantalising.

Like if I decided I wanted to change careers, people would assume I was an intelligent adult who could make my own choices rather than say 'but do you have the support you need to stay in your current job [that you hate]' or if I wanted to move house I don't know that people would ask if I had the support to stay in my current house. They'd understand that as an adult I was making an informed choice that was best for me and my family.

Seems with pregnancy and breastfeeding in general we don't treat women with the same dignity as adults.

The problem is, they push you into feeding then don’t support you with it, don’t check properly for tongue and lip ties, and are entirely unsupportive. So you’re set up to fail. The whole system is a mess.

Yer damn those babies being hungry whenever they feel like it. So inconsiderate 🤣

I've genuinely only seen it on here.

I chose not to breastfeed and no one ever said anything. I had geared myself up for some opposition from midwives and health visitors and there was just nothing.

Because it’s normal. This attitude is the sexualisation of breasts. They’re feeding, why is a breast shameful but a bottle isn’t? Because you think it’s a sexual organ, it’s not. Get over it. If you’re comfortable with a bottle in public without being covered up, you should be comfortable with a breast too. I hate this attitude, it’s terrible”

And I hated being told I should be happy with getting my tits out in public places when I wasn’t happy to do so. Wouldn’t have done it if I wasn’t feeding a baby. Why should I suddenly feel comfortable doing it just because I was? That’s the great thing about feminism. The woman gets to choose what she wants to do without being told she’s terrible by other women.

Yeah I don’t get it. I had mine, told them I was bottle feeding, midwife’s said ok bye and sent me home all within 24 hours. No one cares only on mumsnet

Never bothers me to get my boobs out in public. I'm doing an important thing and would never starve my son. He also hated to be covered up

They are largely imaginary.

Slipknot89 · Today 10:58

Never bothers me to get my boobs out in public. I'm doing an important thing and would never starve my son. He also hated to be covered “

Fantastic. We should all be able to do exactly what we want to.

I never got much out with the pump and had one that just refused all bottles - I private discreet person and usually managed to find quite corner and often had people sit next to me and not realise I was bf - but when people did realise the comments and trying to make you feel uncomfortable were just so unnecessary.

I remember a toddler group was out the way BF and toddler wanted me to get up and see something and was encouraging her to bring it over - this other mother realised from that I was bf - loud comments about why wasn't I pumping and bottle feeding out - how disgusting it all was and I should feed on a scheduled if couldn't use bottles - clearly no clue how bf works - stuff like that did make bf harder than it needed to be for me - but thankfully that extreme reaction was rare.

Well that's exactly it.

We are told 'breast is best' but then are told 'fed is best' and to not worry if it doesn't work out. It's very mixed up and can be very confusing.

The fact is, breast milk is best and no amount of arguing will change that. The act of breast feeding however may not be best for some or even many and we need to tackle why this is. Genuine health reasons, education, social pressures, opinion, support available from family or otherwise.

@SouthLondonMum22

Good for you.

Personally I find it's similar to the attached parenting crew. Lots of social media posts that are on paper merely informative, saying things like "did you know that when you leave your baby to cry, you are teaching them that nobody will come if they're upset"/"they're only little for a short time, I will be there to hug them whenever they need me, whatever time or whatever the situation", or in this case, posts about the benefits of breastfeeding. Yes, they aren't piling the pressure on with their words, but the underlying feeling is that they would not have felt the need to make those posts if not to comment on how wrong they find it when others don't do those things. It's preachy, and I'm not a big fan of preaching to people doing their best in a very difficult situation for which there is little support on a societal level.

I don't feel overly pressured by it but I do find it a bit shitty. I don't feel the need to preach about how my style of parenting is the best, but it feels like these people are doing just that.

I also find the regulations around advertising formula pretty unpleasant, like it's a dirty secret when for many, it wasn't even a choice.

Fortunately we have these little things called Laws so that women aren’t made to feel like attention seeking sluts for breastfeeding in public by people like you.

My experience with the so called mafia (aka midwives, doctors, council funded breastfeeding support teams) is that they were either not there, too busy to help or repeatedly told me to formula feed if I so much as asked for help with a latch.

Okay, I believe you. I had the opposite experience. I really wanted to breastfeed, but I had low supply. People like to pretend this doesn't exist and there is actually zero information online about this from the NHS.

I made the mistake of going to NCT classes. The breastfeeding mafia are real. It wasn't until MN I even knew combi feeding could work. NCT said combi feeding did not work and ypyr milk would dry up. Also a friend I have not spoken to since who is a lactation expert and acted like my decision to give up breastfeeding was a tragedy.

Aye that’s exactly fit she said. Nowhere in that did she call you a slut. Awa bile yer heid min.

I feel it from posters who act like breastfeeding is the easiest thing in the world, like you just whip out a boob and there you go. My baby didn’t latch properly for weeks, then when she did I had extreme pain due to tongue tie and latch issues. We sorted the tongue tie but even now at 5 months my nipple on one side hurts every time and it looks like a chunk has been taken out of it. I had issues with my supply due to all that so though I am stubbornly breastfeeding we supplement with formula.

Some people just don’t get how hard it can be, my own mother breastfed me for years and is repulsed by formula, and every single one of my friends and in the baby groups I go to breastfeeds exclusively. No one seems to have the problems I did. The worst was a 60 year old male GP telling me how important it was to breastfeed. Somehow I doubt he had ever changed a nappy in his life.

I bf my first two until they were 2 years old. It was good for a while, also mentally draining and did affect me in that way.

Fast forward ten years and my third was born with severe tongue tie and we waited weeks for an appointment to get it sorted. She is now ff. I find it easier, mentally, but I do sometimes miss breastfeeding.

I have not had any comments with any of the kids, either bf or ff, aside from my own mother (another story... sigh).

Anyone who feels the need to comment on the type of milk another woman feeds her baby needs to stfu, to be honest it says more about the person making the comment and their own hang ups or insecurities. Stop putting it on other people. Either bf or ff is fine.

Edited for grammatical error

Slut?? Where’s that come from? You’re disgusting what a weird thing to say.

Most women aren’t whipping their breasts out. Why is it always some who make this ridiculous exaggeration when it comes to women nursing/feeding their babies?

They’re feeding their babies and you can always not look. To you, it may be a private, intimate thing, but to many of us, it is giving our babies food that just happens to come from our breasts, a part of a routine no different from others who have meals. I’m not going to go out of my way and waste my time pumping milk into a bottle to make people feel comfortable when they could simply mind their business and ignore. It takes max 10 minutes for me to nurse and 60-90 minutes for me to pump enough for 1.5 bottles. Not worth it.

NCT said combi feeding did not work and your milk would dry up.

I think that the hard thing finding unbiased information about things like combined feeding - I was told with first by a NCT trained family friend the same thing - found out later she actually was combined feeding but that was different apparently.

I'm glad I bf but I look back and wonder why it was made so hard and why if NHS is so for it there's a complete lack of support when you do have common problems - the third and last child was only one who had no issues with at all.