Who are the breastfeeding mafia?!?!?

[PlumPudd]

I often see threads on Mumsnet where people talk about feeling pressured to breastfeed by the breastfeeding mafia or shamed for not breastfeeding. And I’m curious…

Who are these breastfeeding mafiosos?? If you felt pressured to breastfeed, can you explain where this tangible pressure actually came from? Especially when, if you do chose to formula feed, you’ll be doing what the vast majority of UK women do, so you won’t be in the minority and will be surrounded by other women doing the same. Is it just that being told “breast is best” is upsetting if that’s not what you’re choosing?

Why (if the breastfeeding mafia are so powerful) are they also so unsuccessful with breastfeeding rates in the UK among the lowest in the developing world? My experience with the so called mafia (aka midwives, doctors, council funded breastfeeding support teams) is that they were either not there, too busy to help or repeatedly told me to formula feed if I so much as asked for help with a latch.

I 100% believe it’s women’s choice how they feed their babies, but that that choice needs to be informed by accurate information provided by scientists and healthcare professionals, (aka breast is best but formula is fine) and that women need to be supported in whatever they chose, meaning proper lactation consultants and follow up care for mothers that want to try breastfeeding and guidance on paced bottle feeding and techniques for those who chose formula - and both for those who combi.

@Penguinmouse i do see that but the reason there are laws in place that make them do it, is because before those laws were there formula companies spent ££££ on advertising and marketing telling vulnerable, stressed mothers that formula was superior, modern and better for babies and that only bad mothers wouldn’t spend their money on it. Formula companies still do that in countries where there aren’t regulations in place.

Yep! Do what makes you comfortable

This.

I had different problem with oldest two - and with second it was constant it wills settle by x date and when it didn't I was on my own it was demoralising as you do find yourself hanging on for that date. Third time bf was so easy and that was her as well as me - could easily have been yet more problems.

We were also advised against bottles till it did settle and then found second baby wouldn't have them - and spent some money trying one he'd be fine with and wasn't - odd bottle of expressed milk would have made life easier for me.

I also think bf benefits are oversold - most are on a population level - so fact my eldest two have both developed asthma, mild food/contact intolerances and need orthodontist work including for narrow palate is now used in family by pro ff as an example why all bf benefits are false. I always got we were reducing risks not eliminating and don't regret bf personally.

@CaroleSinger obviously there is nothing wrong with being discrete if that’s what you want to do and if your baby will either wait for you to get home or be fed with a scarf over it’s head (nope). But there is also nothing wrong with feeding your baby when they want to be fed whether that’s in a cafe, a library or on a bus. Obviously.

I have never encountered this so called breastfeeding mafia in real life. They are loud online but I think most people have a bit more cop on in real life.

In the hospital after having my son I was given breastfeeding advice and assistance but also advised that they stocked formula on the ward and they were happy to provide it if I wished. They were more concerned with making sure the baby was fed than anything else.

YOU HAVE TO BREASTFEED
BREAST IS BEST
BREASTFEED OR YOUR CHILD WILL BE SICK AND STUPID
YOU WILL GET DEPRESSED IF YOU DONT BREASTFEED

Can I have help with breastfeeding?

Just stick a bottle in her mouth why are you making life difficult you will get PND if you carry on like this a happy baby is a fed baby

^^what I had with all three of my children

The message is very much that formula is second best. From everyone.

I don’t think there’s a ‘mafia’ - but I do think it depends a lot on where you live.

In my area the vast majority of women breastfeed and for that reason alone you do stand out if you ff.

I’ve bf and I’ve ff and I’ve never had complete strangers judge me for either, but I did feel a certain ‘pressure’ to bf purely because that’s the norm here.

Online is a different story.

On MN, one of the things that annoys me the most is the assumption that bf babies have poor sleep.

On sleep threads people are like ‘oh, well your baby slept well because they were ff.’ That’s not my experience at all - my bf babies slept just as well.

Especially when, if you do chose to formula feed, you’ll be doing what the vast majority of UK women do, so you won’t be in the minority and will be surrounded by other women doing the same

I was very much in the minority amongst Mums I know.
A 'friend' told me not to formula feed, and if I did my baby would think that I had died, as that is how orphans are fed.
Plus every nurse, every poster, every online post, every message from everywhere reinforcing the message that I had already failed my child by not breastfeeding.
FF babies are overweight and dumb, and you're more likely to get breast cancer.
Obviously now, with the benefit of hindsight, I can see that none of those things were true, but they felt very true at the time, and absolutely ruined my first year with my son.

It literally is though. Formula is a very close second, but breastfeeding is best overall. That’s not to say there aren’t plenty of situations / families where formula is best for them.

But healthcare professionals have to give you accurate science based information - that doesn’t make them the mafia.

I wouldn’t say they are a “ mafia” just women who make comments to undermine formula feeding. My neighbour tutted and rolled her eyes when I said wasn’t breastfeeding.I always remember being astounded by a post in a local Facebook group during the first COVID lockdown. A woman was offering to supply her breast milk or breastfeed other peoples formula fed babies for them if they couldn’t get hold of formula! Someone who worked in the NHS locally sensibly commented that there was no research (at the time) that COVID couldn’t be transmitted through breast milk never mind other infections.

I personally think breastfeeding mamas get judged more. I got giving a dirty look and saying that's disgusting when I was feeding my baba in public. Also in a restaurant another dirty look but I did get praise from an old couple which I very much appreciated.

This is exactly how I felt - ironically my son is actually much healthier than many children I know were exclusively breastfed, but at the time you really do feel like you've failed

Recommendations are to BF if you can, which is fine. But when that translates into women berating other women for choosing not to, then that's not fine.
It is the accusatory tone of comments like.

Why wouldn't you give your baby the best???
Your baby is the most precious thing in the world and you are choosing not to give them the best???
You should at least TRY!!

It's that kind of comment that isn't helpful. The newborn period is an emotional time for a lot of new mums,

Let's be honest here, unless you have good support and BF comes easy to you or have the funds for the likes of lactation consultants then BF can be difficult for a lot of women, who are then left to flounder and feel terrible guilt if they choose to discontinue because of the types of comments mentioned above.

BF is painted as this lovely bonding time for women, but I found the reality totally different, it was painful, felt like I was feeding continually (no one had told me about cluster feeding) I hated being the only one who could fulfill my babies needs, I hated feeding in public. I switched to FF at 6 weeks and for me, it was the best decision to save my sanity. I still had terrible PND for a year following the birth and terrible guilt because I had 'failed'. Every time I heard that comment "breast is best" It was like a wound to my heart.

The only response to a woman choosing to BF or FF should be OK.

@PlumPudd the benefits are overstated.
But it is naive to state women ate not under pressure to breastfeed when they are constantly told formula feeding is second best. Most new mothers want to do their best for their baby. So constantly being told breastfeeding is best is pressure.

@PlumPudd Do you see how that statement could be hurtful though, even if it is true? Saying 'Formula is good but not quite good enough' really amps up the feelings of failure to those of us who already felt bad enough about not breastfeeding.

I also remember during the pandemic women posting in the local Facebook group asking for help to find formula. There was always at least one comment about this was another reason breastfeeding was best.

It's not how they feed to how healthy they're going to be. I think its partly down to genetics and other factors.

In real life I've never heard anyone being shamed for formula feeding. The only person I know who successfully breastfed was my Mum. Everyone else (friends, me, my sister) either didn't try or gave up as there was no support.

It's only on here I see this great big debate.

I think firstly, don’t understimate the pressure from the internet. I found the NHS useless for most help (during lockdown) and greatly depended on mumsnet for help at the time. There have been recent threads on here where mums who ff have been told that they aren’t doing the best for their children, and that if you are ‘determined’ enough, you can breastfeed.

For me, the in-person pressure comes from NHS.

NCT didn’t give any info about formula feeding, just breastfeeding.

My best friend is a midwife who when we were younger, used to talk negatively all the time about how babies can’t digest formula properly etc. Then she had her own baby who had to go to neonatal and have formula and it changed her outlook completely, and worried much less about it.

My other close friend always said she didn’t want to breastfeed, but was still pressured by midwives to do ‘the first feed’ as it was important apparently.

I also searched NHS website for advice on how to stop breastfeeding while gently reducing my supply and the risk of mastitis. No advice on there at all, just ‘you don’t have to stop breastfeeding and can carry on’.

I had my first during lockdown, so this time will be interesting to see if I get any judgement while giving formula out in public. Despite trying for 5 months, i couldn’t even produce half the supply, so this time i’ll aim to get colostrum and then go straight to formula.

"Breastfeeding mafia" is a bit OTT... but there is definitely pressure and judgement of a quite insidious kind.

I can only speak from my own personal experience and I would never try to contradict the fact that breastfeeding is obviously better from an all population point of view.

But I did feel very judged when I was unable to manage more than mix feeding for about six weeks by a certain group of my contemporaries who made it more or less their life's work to breastfeed and couldn't understand why ultimately the cost/benefit analysis meant it didn't work for me.

I think part of the reason women feel defensive and judged is that people for whom it comes easily, or those who have the right support, struggle to understand why it doesn't for some of us. My DD never latched properly and the breast-feeding drop-in clinics didn't help. I was also very unsupported by my then husband (and that's a whole other story but that was a real handicap). After six weeks of doggedly expressing and mix feeding and basically not being able to do anything else at all, I chucked in the towel and felt appallingly guilty about it but was still routinely told I should have "stuck at it".

I think the "fed is best" mantra is designed primarily to make women like me not beat themselves up. It's not intended to counter the widely understood view that there are benefits from breastfeeding, just to reassure women that those fairly marginal benefits probably don't outweigh protecting their own wellbeing and mental health.

I can see how it could be hurtful, but given that it’s true what’s the alternative? Healthcare professionals, government bodies etc have to give out accurate information so women can make informed choices

@PlumPudd maybe women could start by being honest then that there is pressure to breastfeed instead of this faux naivety

And accurate information is not given out. So many benefits of breastfeeding touted have no scientific basis.

They can give out whatever info they like but I think banning things like promotions on formula or being able to spend loyalty points on formula is a step too far. I couldn’t produce a full supply so I would have appreciated the chance to spend my loyalty points on formula.