Who are the breastfeeding mafia?!?!?

[PlumPudd]

I often see threads on Mumsnet where people talk about feeling pressured to breastfeed by the breastfeeding mafia or shamed for not breastfeeding. And I’m curious…

Who are these breastfeeding mafiosos?? If you felt pressured to breastfeed, can you explain where this tangible pressure actually came from? Especially when, if you do chose to formula feed, you’ll be doing what the vast majority of UK women do, so you won’t be in the minority and will be surrounded by other women doing the same. Is it just that being told “breast is best” is upsetting if that’s not what you’re choosing?

Why (if the breastfeeding mafia are so powerful) are they also so unsuccessful with breastfeeding rates in the UK among the lowest in the developing world? My experience with the so called mafia (aka midwives, doctors, council funded breastfeeding support teams) is that they were either not there, too busy to help or repeatedly told me to formula feed if I so much as asked for help with a latch.

I 100% believe it’s women’s choice how they feed their babies, but that that choice needs to be informed by accurate information provided by scientists and healthcare professionals, (aka breast is best but formula is fine) and that women need to be supported in whatever they chose, meaning proper lactation consultants and follow up care for mothers that want to try breastfeeding and guidance on paced bottle feeding and techniques for those who chose formula - and both for those who combi.

I’ve always found the opposite to the breastfeeding mafia. When I’ve had problems with breastfeeding, post on here and so many tell you to formula feed (“just go to Tesco and get some Aptimil” was one really ‘helpful’ comment I had ) And HC professionals are very keen to push formula as soon as problems happen. I think breast is only best if baby latches straight on and there are no problems, which doesn’t happen a lot, hence crap breastfeeding rates.

The 'breastfeeding mafia' is more of an online thing I think. Some women who call themselves passionate about breastfeeding seem to think that the way to encourage others to breastfeed is to call them selfish, bad mothers etc and just pile on the guilt and shame.

Breast milk is healthier than formula but it often isn't as black and white as just considering the nutritional benefits. Both methods also have other pros and cons and ultimately, women need to do what is best for them as well because a miserable, stressed mother is no good to a baby no matter how they are fed.

I think the focus should be on supporting those who want to breastfeed, not attempting to change the minds of those who are set on formula feeding from birth. Maybe those who actually want to breastfeed would then be more likely to get the support they need.

Beautifully said!

Perhaps you should consider how rubbish it feels when you are a new mum who cannot breastfeed and every bottle of formula you open says “breastfeeding is best.”

Not me.

I didn't breastfeed because I didn't want to.

Oh, there are posters who descend onto breastfeeding threads pushing formula as well. Both sides are dogmatic and irritating as hell!

Breast feeding was being pushed when I had my babies by the midwife. She told me I couldn’t breast and and bottle feed. I took her word for it. I was absolutely exhausted with breast feeding and DH had enough of seeing me in tears struggling and said that we should give a bottle a go. At first I said no and told him the HP had said the baby would get confused. DH looked at me as if I had two heads and persuaded me to give it a go. The positive change was instant and from that day on I felt more confident in my choices with all aspects of my health care with professionals and that I could question their advice.
In real life , friends did ask if I was bottle or breast feeding but I didn’t get the impression I was being judged by anyone. Some would share their expierences or ask questions, others you knew it was something to say, just general conversation. No one cared.

In my experience it’s quite the opposite: people find out I breastfeed (and especially that I tend to do it for at least two years) and immediately start listing to me all the reasons they formula feed/fed, as if I asked or cared! Literally yesterday was bf-ing DC5 at an event and a woman wandered over to tell me why she preferred bottles and another randomly informed me that the longest she ever bf was two weeks. People seem to become automatically defensive of formula just by my existence which is to me bizarre because I have certainly never said or thought any judgment towards ff.

But isn't that fair enough? Those laws are there for a reason - because of an evidence-based public policy decision to limit the ability of businesses to profit from an infant feeding strategy that, while appropriate for some people, is acknowledged to be associated with poorer health outcomes in other cases.
We restrict businesses' ability to promote other foodproducts that are convenient, sometimes necessary, but (in demographic terms) overall harmful. So why not formula milk? If this woman was the breastfeeding mafia then so are the public health bodies whose input generated the legal marketing restrictions.

With professionals, I get the impression they push whatever makes their life easier or ticks the right box.

So when we were exploring tongue tie issues with DD, we were told that if she couldn't feed, maybe just try a bottle. We ended up going private and then she was fine bf but absolutely zero NHS support on that front.

Then, when we realised she had allergies and wanted a prescription to supplement specific allergy formula, we were really pushed to try to keep full time bf.

If DD had been my first I don't think I'd have had the confidence either way to stand up for myself.

I live with baby in middle class area with high bf rates - where expectation was at least for 6 month you were bf - friend who had to FF due to medication felt heavily judged - often though little throw away comments or being asked constantly why she wasn't bf.

There was support in that area - though not as much as I could have done with or ideally wanted.

Then moved to mainly ff area - and bf support was just lip service constant pressure from HV to switch to ff - constant negative comments about me bf from other mothers and group leaders. Negative comments from GP and pharmacists about it being ridiculous I was still bf a nearly 1 year old.

In both cases I had a supportive of BF DH who thought bf was best start for our DC and very negative wider family who ff.

Going against the expected "norms" is very hard and get comments and negativity - and it does feel like you are under attack for it. I found similar with weaning ages only slightly less contentious and emotive and full of judgements.

Only on mumsnet

The arsehole of a midwife who would not discharge me after almost a week as he didn’t believe I had tried hard enough to try and establish feeding. Wasn’t happy that I wanted to pump and use formula as top ups. After I eventually got over the way he made me feel I am so fucking proud to have formula fed.

You will also find that any time anyone on social media is proud of or public with their breastfeeding journey others will jump in with “fed is best” or “formula did the same for my baby” as if feeling a sense of accomplishment for something that can be extremely difficult going especially at first is equivalent to suggesting that the alternative is starving your baby.

I was lucky the NHS sorted my sons tongue tie. Sorry that you didn't get the support

I found that ante-natal, all healthcare appointments discussed the merits of breastfeeding and breast is best. When I said I would try but wouldn’t push it at the expense of my mental health, all midwives agreed that was a sensible approach.

Once baby is here, midwives and HCA don’t have the time to support women into properly establishing breastfeeding and I found many would tell me it wasn’t sustainable what I was doing.

The negativity comes from other women, mainly online. I have genuinely seen someone on here someone say they couldn’t live with the guilt if they’d given their children formula. When a mum is struggling the comments can include that she isn’t trying hard enough. In normal times, you can ignore this but when you’re newly postpartum, your hormones are raging and you’re already feeling like a failure because you can’t feed your child it hits a sore spot. It makes you feel really shit and a really shit mum. Even things like it’s free - if a mum has got to the point of asking for help on an internet forum she has likely already bought a breast pump, seen a lactation consultant, been to the NCT support, been to la leche group. It’s not free for her. Or even it’s convenient - again, for a mum struggling it’s not convenient, it’s not convenient to triple feed and sterilise two lots of bottles plus pumping equipment, it’s not convenient to triple feed when out, or to take the nipple shield and feeding pillow or to express before/after feeding depending on what advice she’s been given. It all just adds to a mum feeing like she can’t get a simple thing right.

You’re asking for help from healthcare professionals who don’t have the time to help you but it feels like every other mother is already looking down on you and judging you because you can’t grasp this really easy, free and convenient thing. It took me almost a year to get over the guilt of not breastfeeding due to the “helpful” comments on sites like this.

I'm more curious about the drive to publicly get our tits out to breast feed at every given opportunity on the bus, in cafes, in the library, in shop doorways etc. Does anyone really need us constantly shoving our paps in their faces in public? Breast feeding is an intimate and private thing. There's nothing wrong with being discreet.

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MintJulia · Today 09:27
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I haven't seen any threads on mumsnet that pressure women into bf. Must have missed those

Theres one right now. Some (minority thankfully) zealots calling others selfish and bad mothers for choosing ff. If that’s not pressuring unsure first time mothers, don’t k ow what is. Surprised you’ve missed it, it’s very active. Again, thankfully, because most sensible posters are jumping on these nasty people.

I bf mine. Never gave a moment’s thought to what anyone else did. Can’t recall anyone ever asking what I did either. Would have told them to f right off if they had, none of their business.

The biggest advice I'd give anyone feeding a baby, whether it's breastfeeding, formula feeding, or even magical fairy dust, is to not go onto Mumsnet for advice.

CaroleSinger · Today 10:43

I'm more curious about the drive to publicly get our tits out to breast feed at every given opportunity on the bus, in cafes, in the library, in shop doorways etc. Does anyone really need us constantly shoving our paps in their faces in public? Breast feeding is an intimate and private thing. There's nothing wrong with being discreet.”

Agree. Used to pump and take bottles out.

Completely agree with you and wonder the same OP. I've combi fed all of my babies and I actually feel that it's more acceptable to bottle feed than to breast feed in public. Even with my own family, they seem to feel quite embarrassed if I breast feed. It almost comes across that it is pointless in their eyes when I could just give a bottle.
I think the reason people who don't breastfeed are sensitive about it is because in some cases they put pressure on themselves and they feel that they have let themselves and their baby down (which they really haven't) Sometimes if they really wanted to breastfeed but couldn't it must hurt to then see or hear "breast is best" when they tried their best and it didn't happen for them. At the end of the day fed is best but if possible breastfeeding is better because it has extra benefits for both Mum & baby than formula has.

I had a lot of difficulty feeding and expressed an interest in formula feeding. They kept discouraging me from doing so and told me not to let my baby starve which wasn’t helpful.

There was one kind midwife and my health visitor was supportive. They helped me to explore my options and supported me in them.

You can get helpful advice in infant feeding about specifics. As much as the ‘go to Tesco’ posters annoyed me (and upset me) quite a lot were genuinely helpful, although I am RUBBISH at breastfeeding and I express instead! But if you start a discussion then it goes south fast, yes.

But would like to add I've never seen what you're talking about. There is no breastfeeding mafia. Seen quite the opposite..

This is very true, I had loads of people tell me use formula.

And I know lots of women feeding toddlers who deal with LOADS of shit from other people, it’s disgusting.