Who are the breastfeeding mafia?!?!?

[PlumPudd]

I often see threads on Mumsnet where people talk about feeling pressured to breastfeed by the breastfeeding mafia or shamed for not breastfeeding. And I’m curious…

Who are these breastfeeding mafiosos?? If you felt pressured to breastfeed, can you explain where this tangible pressure actually came from? Especially when, if you do chose to formula feed, you’ll be doing what the vast majority of UK women do, so you won’t be in the minority and will be surrounded by other women doing the same. Is it just that being told “breast is best” is upsetting if that’s not what you’re choosing?

Why (if the breastfeeding mafia are so powerful) are they also so unsuccessful with breastfeeding rates in the UK among the lowest in the developing world? My experience with the so called mafia (aka midwives, doctors, council funded breastfeeding support teams) is that they were either not there, too busy to help or repeatedly told me to formula feed if I so much as asked for help with a latch.

I 100% believe it’s women’s choice how they feed their babies, but that that choice needs to be informed by accurate information provided by scientists and healthcare professionals, (aka breast is best but formula is fine) and that women need to be supported in whatever they chose, meaning proper lactation consultants and follow up care for mothers that want to try breastfeeding and guidance on paced bottle feeding and techniques for those who chose formula - and both for those who combi.

Sorry I should have clarified further :)

My midwife friend confirmed to me in our conversation that the purpose of the question is to try and encourage more women to breastfeed. She didn’t agree with having to do it.

I think we have our breastfeeding mafia right here.

^Also your comments prove my point that there is so much stigma and hate towards bf"ing women .
It's so sad that uk bfeeding rates are so low.^

There is no stigma or hate towards women who breastfeed their babies. Breastfeeding a 3 year old is rather more unusual, so people are more likely to comment (not saying they should). But its best this discussion concentrates on babies.

My son has thrived from being lucky enough to have had full term breastfeeding

You are somewhat implying that even breastfed babies who haven’t been breastfed for 3 years are unlucky in some way!

My child had lost 20% of his body weight 10 days after birth because it WASN'T working... but according to said family member, apparently that's 'normal'. (For the record, it's not normal. Losing SOME weight is normal. Up to about 10%.)

Blimey, your family member sounds downright dangerous!

Oh, I see. Thought it was the 6 week check when decisions would already have been made.

I’m still wondering who decided that ‘full term’ was 3 years…

And this, after trying and failing with DD1 to get a latch - I tried again with DD2. Birth was easier so back home within 24 hours and was relaxed and happy. The midwife visited after a few days, took one look at my breasts and stomach covered in blood, and very kindly said "if I were you I would give up". Thank you, I will.

Many women find BF easy and natural, and once established have few issues, some find it a struggle, but can continue. However, you and I are the ones who aren't mentioned, and there are a lot of us too, but no-one ever highlights that this can happen, and does.

Pp who is comparing people judging women who BF toddlers to people who are unable to BF is having a laugh.
In no way is it similar

They'll just end up with people refusing to engage completely. I know I will if I'm asked.

If someone is certain they want to formula feed, it should be respected.

I agree. I had my first child in North London, supposedly the epicentre of BF mums and I never talked about my choice, but the FF mums all were very quick to disparage BF.
I had my DH's (female) friend tell me BF was disgusting. I had someone tell me off for feeding in a gallery. When I said I planned to BF even doctors and midwives were very quick to say 'oh but formula is fine too'.
The 'mafia' doesn't exist.

There is a difference in promoting breastfeeding, by giving information or funding support properly to allow women the help they need to be successful and badgering and hectoring women when they choose not to.

"If you can and want to, breastfeeding is a great option for your baby and will provide all the nutrients they need"

compared to

"If you don't breastfeed you are denying your child the best start in life, why would you choose to do that"

See the difference?

"The 'mafia' doesn't exist."

Are you serious? Because you had some disparaging comments from idiots that didn't like BF that means all the experiences of women on this thread and elsewhere are lies?
It bloody does exist. And I did BF (because of lies and gaslighting by NHS professionals and to the extreme detriment to my mental health and my twins physical health)
I had a HUGE amount of pressure and judgement when I wanted to stop. Not one single negative comment while BF though. Although that maybe because I could barely leave the house for 5 months, what with feeding every 2 hours, weighing the babies before and after each feed, then topping up and expressing in between. And actually have you ever tried to breastfeed twins? It's not possible to be discrete about it. You have to pull up your top and get both boobs out.

You're wrong. And you're part of the problem.

It’s interesting to think about how I’d reply. I think if they called and asked me within 18 months of DS1 being born (medically couldn’t breastfeed, tried everything to get past it, pumped for hours every day for months), it would have really upset me. But now, over 2 years later, I could provide feedback that would probably be helpful.

DS2 wasn’t as traumatic because I’d already experienced difficulties once - I still gave it everything but called time when it was more reasonable this time. But DS is now 3 months and I’d be able to reflect on what could helpfully have been done to encourage me further, as well as neutrally explaining why I didn’t continue, without all the tears.

I think it’s useful for them to ask PURELY from an information gathering perspective. But the timing and phrasing is tricky.

Genuine question, what is meant by full term breastfeeding? I haven’t heard / seen that phrase before.

I should add - with DS2, my community midwives (who did extended visiting for 24 days due to other medical conditions I have) were excellent this time including in regard to breastfeeding. They were informative but non judgemental. They answered all my questions and were enormously helpful wirh breastfeeding and bottle feeding, including helping me with which bottles to buy to help DD2 with his bottle latch.

When I stopped, there was no judgement, just the offer to help if I changed my mind. It felt like a good balance.

They were the team out of Chelsea and Westminster Hospital by the way. They were really good.

(The midwives in West Middlesex where I gave birth do not get such a glowing review. There was a feeding team but they were useless; and no feed support was available in the middle of the night)

I think it's another term for extended breastfeeding. Just breastfeeding for longer than 1 or 2 years, I imagine.

Sorry, to clarify further - the intention is for midwives to ask why a mother is not breastfeeding during her f2f postnatal appointments, within 10 days of the birth. It is definitely not an ‘information gathering’ exercise. It’s to try and coax more women into breastfeeding.

I’d never heard it either but it’s awful. Implying that people who feed for less than some arbitrary length of time (the pp said 3 years - pretty sure she just made that up) have only ‘partially’ fed their babies.

It’s this kind of language that proves that the bf mafia DOES exist.

Many women who FF aren't choosing to, but have no other option if breastfeeding doesn't work out for one reason or another.

For me it wasn't a choice, I tried to BF but simply wasn't producing enough breast milk whatever I did, my baby ended up in hospital having UV treatment for severe jaundice and was losing weight rapidly.
I was put on a triple feeding regime (BF, then pump, then feed formula) which nearly broke me, I wasn't sleeping more than 3 hours at a time and couldn't enjoy and bond with my baby properly as I was so focused on trouble shooting what was going wrong.
Weeks went by with no real improvement and no one from the post natal team ever said to me I could just stop it all and FF.
I was gaslit about my low supply, it was like it was a taboo thing to mention. I've since heard from others who had the same experience.

In the end I just stopped, because the triple feeding regime was sending me dangerously close to PND and I couldn't carry on any more.
When I told the "feeding consultant" I got a lecture about how bad and unethical the formula companies are. Not relevant when I was close to breakdown and my baby just needed to be fed.
They also told me so many things that I later researched and found to be old wives tales and not backed by evidence.
When I wrote in my local breastfeeding WhatsApp "support" group that our BF journey was ending due to all the issues, everyone just blanked me, changed the subject and no longer spoke to me.

I couldn't even pick up a book about weaning or general parenting without there being some mention of how BF is best and if you don't do it your baby will be at risk of SIDs and all sorts of horrible diseases (also not proven)

My DD is now a healthy, happy 3 year old but I still feel robbed of those early weeks. I'm pregnant again and I might try to BF again but I won't be engaging with any feeding "consultants", "support" groups or anything like that.

As for BF rates being low, that's because now we luckily have alternatives. In the past babies whose mothers couldn't BF would have had to have a wet nurse, and if they didn't have one they would've simply staved and failed to thrive/died or been fed unsafe alternatives.

I've not either, and it doesn't really make sense to me.

Social media, word or mouth, some midwives pre birth. Same as birthing without pain relief.

I say this as someone who loved breastfeeding and wish it was easier for more people.

I assume at least a year because that’s when you can come off breast milk or formula.

Oh I completely got the wrong end of the stick. Thought it was the 6 week check - though I thought that was usually done by a doctor.

But all of these ‘deadlines’ are completely arbitrary. It’s impossible for healthcare professionals to know where the ideal cut-off is for anything - the benefits don’t show up for generations.

When I was a baby it was trendy to wean at 3 months. Now it’s 6 months. Now we’re told to breastfeed for a year. What magically happens at 12 months?

Bf should be done to suit the mother - if that’s 2 days, fine. If it’s 3 years then fine too. Or not at all. But terms like ‘full term breastfeeding’ and deadlines like one year are really less than helpful.