To allow my 3 year old to be noisy at his grandparents’ house?

[Boymumgettingby]

I have 2 boys aged 3.5 and 14 months. My 3.5 year old can be shy around new people and takes a while to warm up and get to know people, but when he is comfortable he can be boisterous and often loud. Lately when we have seen my in laws (including my husband’s sister, her husband and their 2 older girls), we have found that they have all been getting annoyed with my son, shushing him and telling him to be quiet. He doesn’t see his cousins much and when he does he is super excited to play with them. Previously they have played nicely with him, but lately that has changed and they prefer to sit with the adults and talk. I have no problem with that, but when they all start shushing my son I feel sorry for him and don’t know what to do. My husband spoke to his parents about it and they have said they would expect him to be able to sit and join in adult conversations and that it’s not acceptable for him to run around their house and shout. To clarify, these events have not been in public places, only at family members’ houses and whilst we agree that he has a loud voice, he has still sat and eaten with everyone and only runs and shouts afterwards. I feel he is doing this because he is not getting attention, as the focus is heavily on my sister in law and her girls, but my in laws seem to think we are being unreasonable and need to change his behaviour. Is it normal to expect a 3.5 year old to sit through adult conversations and not to want to run around and play? Is it fair for us to expect his relations to try to engage with him and play with him rather than shushing him or should we be telling him off for being loud around them?

I couldn't have said it better myself!! I have just spent a weekend with both my adult kids as we rarely see them. We are so proud of them both and we are always getting compliments about how fantastic they are! We already know that they're great and we are always saying how proud we are of them!

That sounds so boring and formal, no wonder he wants to run around, he's only 3!

Personally I wouldn't go, it sounds like they cba with him anyway.

They sound like the 'children should be seen and not heard' type, it's not a nice environment for children to be in.

Your PIL are a couple of tossers. They’re not bloody normal! Don’t accept this set up. Stop going until your child is older. I experienced something similar many years ago until I fucked them off. Never regretted it.

You need to be discouraging him from shouting/running around indoors, regardless of age. Its never ok behaviour so the earlier you start teaching them they can't do that indoors, the better.

Take plenty to entertain him that doesnt involve adults constantly playing with him - he's just at the age where he should be learning to play with something like duplo or playdo independently for say, a 15 min stretch. Provide a mix of open ended toys/props that allow him to use his imagination, and more structured activities.

I didn't encourage my DS to play independently enough at that age and its even worse later on if you don't.

However, your in laws sound like mine - expecting all the adults to be able to sit around the table for an extended chatty meal of around 2 hours while children are ignored - doesn't work when kids are as young as 3.