To hate spending Christmas with my DIL

[NanaZoZo]

I have 2 DC and one DSD, DS married, lives down south, has a 2 year old. DD and DSD live in Australia.
DS and DIL have taken over the hosting of Christmas. My DCs dad and I split when they were tiny (1 and 4) so for 25 years Christmas was them spending Christmas Eve and morning with their dad and coming to us after midday for dinner and the evening. This worked great as I’m not a massively festive person. Now we swap year as to who goes down for Christmas.
My DIL is lovely, we get on great, however she’s nothing like me. She didn’t have a great childhood and has no relationship with her parents, so now she places a high importance on Christmas for her DD and I think DS has indulged in it too.
Here is the issue - I hate it. It’s not necessarily over the top, it’s traditional. She likes everyone to dress up nicely, they buy expensive food (think Harrods and Fortnum and Mason). Luckily they keep the decor classy but they spent thousands on it including expensive Christmas only tableware. It’s all a bit much for me. I’d rather we stayed in PJs till noon, then threw on Christmas jumpers and had a nice roast. The day is quite rigid in her mind, it has to be Chinese on Christmas Eve even if we don’t fancy it, dinner is at 2 no negotiations on that either, she spends about an hour playing us Christmas songs on the piano and we all have to go a walk after dinner even if you just want to nap!!
Now like I say she’s lovely and it comes from a good place (she just wants DGD to have positive Christmas memories and tradition). But I really hate it, we had 2021 (when they had a 4 month old and still put on this grand Christmas) so it’s back to us this year, and I just can’t bring myself to look forward to it.
I’m half tempted to say we will come down on Boxing Day and spend the day lazily with DH and the dog. But I do want to see DGD on Christmas and I know she sill probably be more engaged this year which will make for fun. It would also be difficult to explain why we weren’t coming down as there is nothing keeping us up here. DH also thinks it’s just worse this year as last year we went to Australia for Christmas, and it was a busy one too (DSD has 3 kids to the DGC were ruling the day) so we haven’t had a chill at home Christmas since Covid.
WIBU to say we aren’t going down until Boxing Day, knowing it will probably hurt DIL, or should I suck it up, get in the festive spirit, go along with it all so we are part of DGD happy Christmas?

I'm sure you can do better than that. Take a minute or 2, rather than just saying the first thing that pops into your head. It'll sound better

yes if your at home nice to spend xmas day in your new pjs nothing wrong wth that but loveto see the family on xmas day your daughter inlaw sounds great good on her for making the effort xx

It does sound a bit OTT yes, but nice that she's making an effort I suppose! I can't see any appeal in spending the day lazing around in PJs (beyond early morning) but the only person I know who does this is my teenage half brother! I like to get a bit dressed up, although wouldn't care what anyone else wore. What would happen if you just wore whatever you wanted? Can't you just say if you don't fancy a walk?

I wonder how the conversation would go if you hadn’t been invited to your son and daughter in-laws house for xmas day i have the feeling that wouldn’t have been right either

Have you ever thought about how much she probably dreads you going, but tolerates you for the better good?

You sound like you could zap the oxygen out of any room.

For goodness sake it’s just one day, so stop causing angst and making it all about you. Because it’s not.

730 days inn2 years and you’ve only got 1 of those days to do what someone else would like you to do!
get a grip and stop being selfish

OP you sound a little selfish - nothing wrong with that but you have family who love you and want you with them for Christmas as well as other times.
You do sound a little grumpy because you won't be having the Christmas that you want. You could have the type of Christmas that you want but you'll be at home alone in your PJs and probably still be complaining about it!!
If you want Quality Street then take them and bring them out - if DIL complains you need only say you are not a lover of Hotel Chocolat - personally I don't like chocolate but I certainly don't stop others enjoying it just because I don't eat it! If you go - enjoy the hospitality whatever form it takes with whoever is there - let loose OP you are at risk of sounding curmudgeonly and ungrateful. If you really can't be bothered then just don't go and slob in your PJs until Boxing Day! Would you really be missed??

Your DIL sounds like me a little. I thought it was important for my children - and now they’re grown they all still love the Christmas traditions.

It's entirely down to you two. You don't have to go and you don't have to join in 'the festivities' however you probably won't get to see your GD on Xmas day if you don't.
It's also interesting that you put this all down to your SIL. It's not her family tradition and neither is it it your sons. It likely they BOTH said their Christmas's as children were pretty lack lustre. I dare say your son is equally up for the festivities.

It's perhaps a bit late for this year but how about inviting them to yours next year...and have a more relaxed Xmas the way you prefer. If you did this, would you be hurt if they said no? Just saying

You don't need to let anyone dictate how you spend your days, Christmas or not.