To be upset she brought it up AGAIN

[MILwoes1]

DH and I have a great relationship. We’ve both been in shit relationships before and genuinely have a happy marriage. Have our disagreements don’t get me wrong but on the whole we’re happy.

i’m DH’s 2nd wife, he got divorced 9 years ago. He also had another 4 year relationship before that. We know each other’s pasts and have accepted them etc so that’s fine. I was in a long term relationship as well before I met him.

the problem is my MIL CONSTANTLY brings up his exes despite my husband constantly berating her for it. He just says to her that’s not relevant anymore, no need to bring it up. It’s even if she’s telling a story where there’s no need to mention his exes, she will anyway.

so last night we’re all out for dinner (all the girls just) and my DH said to me if his mother says anything about the past just ignore her because it has got to the point where it’s annoying/upsetting me and that he would say on the quiet to his sister (who was also at the dinner) to make sure his mother didn’t bring up the past.

so everything was going fine and we were talking about wedding numbers for an upcoming family wedding and she says ‘sure when DH and ‘Ex wives name’ got married…’ looked at me and then changed the subject then was laughing to herself about her obvious faux pas.

i made my excuses about having a headache and went on home to DH. He’s angry that she brought it up again and so am I. We live about 30 mins away from MIL so just young to give her a wide berth from now on. I feel a bit bad doing that but I feel like she’s nearly doing it deliberately now

AIBU?

My mother in law still has a wedding photo up on her living room wall of my husband and his ex wife! We’ve been together 14 years and they were only together for 2! Our wedding photo isn’t up. Her and the ex absolutely hated each other so not as if there is love lost. I get my own back by knowing that I’m with her son and that she absolutely hates it 😂
It does upset me though - I’ve always tried to be the model DIL but I’ve now come to the realisation that some people are just twats and meant to burn in hell one day!

My MIL calls me by the 1st wife’s name sometimes! By mistake I hasten to add. She was part of her life for 17 years and gave birth to her first grandchild. My husband’s brother has recently got remarried and the name thing was the first thing I warned my new SIL about. First time MIL did it we were all having lunch together and SIL and I just burst out laughing. You can’t rewrite the past.

@Toothfairy88

Yep - MIL has massive photos up of both her sons first weddings! SIL (2nd wife) and I just laugh about them. MIL knows and says she’ll leave them to us in her will!

My suspicion of MIL who do this is that their only significant achievement in life will have been in having said son, and actually fear being cut out themselves by their sons. Self defeating really

Why does it upset you so much? Wouldn’t bother me.

Have you read any of the comments? It would bother loads of people.

Reminded me of when my 1st mil used to get me on my own and tell me how wonderful her son's exes were despite the fact they had both got with other men behind his back! I was only 17 when we got married and she seemed to get great pleasure from doing this. I had very low self esteem and it made me feel rubbish. One bil even used to film her chatting about how much she disliked me and leave it in family videos which was his way of supporting me!
Anyway I chuckled away about the exes when I volunteered to make her funeral tea. Horrible old bag. Some women are just nasty.
Having said that I struggled with names with son in laws myself and am very aware of how insulting that can feel.

I think it depends on what was actually said. I really can't see why just mentioning the ex-wife is a problem. If the mother in law makes disparaging remarks about you or makes unfavourable comparisons with the ex-wife that is completely different and unacceptable.

I am also a second wife. My mother-in-law stayed in contact with her former daughter in law all her life (for over 40 years after the divorce).

My husband and I married over 30 years ago. During that time his mother often talked about his ex when I was there, always with affection. She wasn't being goady. She wasn't trying to make a point or to upset anyone. She was just talking about shared experiences and mutual friends.

I can genuinely say that it didn't worry me in the least. I know that his mother loved my predecessor. But I also know that she loved me.