Moving 35 mins from parents - bombarded with texts about taking my son from them

[housemoveproblems]

I wrote a thread previously about wanting to move away from my parents after stupidly moving closer to them out of guilt.

Thread here: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4917078-desperately-want-to-move-but-parents-say-im-failing-son?postsby=housemoveproblems

We have taken the plunge and are moving to a much bigger house with an amazing garden for my little boy - all he ever wants to do is run around! And I need to set boundaries and have some space because it’s affecting our mental health & it’s been so toxic with them the past year.

We move next week and told them a week ago, I didn’t want to up and leave because I felt it would make the situation worse.

I received a message from my mum saying moving is not fair on my DC and that it’s me being selfish. She said if I move then she is done with me for good. I am so tired of it that I simply said ok and haven’t contacted her since.

I’m now receiving text messages from my step dad saying they want to see DC but if we are 30 minutes away it’s ‘impossible’ to have a relationship with him and if we move that’s on us and we need to make a decision as to whether we are ‘going to do that to them’.

I was feeling so at peace having not contacted them and now I’m just anxious and feeling guilty again.

I’ve blocked them on everything now but I’m now worrying that moving away is wrong and that I should just stick it out. But I want to protect our family.

Any advice?

You asked for advice and you got it, I don’t think this particular piece warrants your response! And tbf, if you had re-read your previous thread you would know that you weren’t making a mistake.

Tell them to stop being such total drama llamas, or you'll take offence and move to New Zealand.

Honestly, what are some people like ??!?

She said if I move then she is done with me for good. I am so tired of it that I simply said ok and haven’t contacted her since.

Good for you.

I hope that you manage to leave it like that.

Your son needs protecting from them not exposing to them!

Good for you for refusing to back down and just answering ok. She will find out you reap what you sow -my lovely friend had similar messages with threats from her mother and one day just did what the mother asked and cut her off completely (clearly not what the toxic mother really wanted!). Hasn't spoken to her in years and the mother bitches and moans to everyone about how badly she is treated by her daughter. Life is certainly a lot easier and pleasant for my friend without her!!!

It's a shame they can't see how lucky they are that they are only 35 minutes away.

Think how free you will feel when you cut ties with these horrible people.

I’ve just read the previous thread - good god they sound insane! I would bet my right arm that their behaviour has nothing whatsoever to do with being unable to see your DS as often, and all to do with your unhinged mother realising she is losing her control over you. Block both of them & don’t give them your new address. Who cares if she loses her shit over it, you won’t be around her to hear it!

I personally think living 30 mins from family is very close!!!! I love 4 hours away from mine. My mil lives 30 mins away, it’s very close to live to family. I would have moved further if I were you to avoid this toxicity.

Good grief, my dad (her only grandparent) lives about 3 hours away. Other important family are at least two hours. My daughter enjoys a brilliant relationship with them evrn though she doesn't see them frequently. They sound bonkers- half an hour is nothing.

You can tell your parents from me to give their heads a wobble, @housemoveproblems. Ds1 lives 7.5 hours drive from us (12 hours, on a bad day), and we still manage to go and see him, his lovely wife and our granddaughter. 35 minutes away is nothing and they are a couple of wet Nellies.

You are doing the right thing for your family, and I wish you all every happiness in your new home!

They are completely toxic, and you should wash your hands of them entirely.

Enjoy your new life in your lovely home, free from their abuse.

If you can, please find therapy for yourself with the aim of recovering from the damage they have done to you. Whatever you do, don't give in to their bullying.

I recommend a book by Susan Forward "Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life".

OP you’re doing the right thing by moving away. Like other posters have said this has nothing to do with travel times and everything to do with controlling, toxic behaviour from you mother and stepdad. They are continuing to abuse you emotionally. Please get some therapy if possible, it really helps with understanding and processing emotional abuse and how you can protect yourself and your son from it. Wish you all the best for the future x

Move, they are emotionally abusive and controlling they do not deserve to have any relationship with your children. No idea why you would want them to. They clearly have not changed and will play the same games with your kids. I wouldn't even tell them where I was moving to

I've just read your other thread

I'm so pleased that you're getting away from your abusive mother OP, well done for breaking free. I have a DD your age, I can't ever imagine doing to her what your 'mum' has. This isn't about distance, or your son -it's about control which I'm sure you're more than aware of. Ignore the noise, you don't need them in your life and your little boy definitely doesn't!

Enjoy your new home

My Ils are dead and my parents live in Australia.

OP, your parents are nuts.

Distance is only a barrier if they make it one. My older children have a great relationship with my parents. They lived a 7-8 hour drive away while growing up. My youngest (grandson I have legal guardianship of) never sees his other grandmother and she lives in our city.

I hope you continue to keep them out of your life. They are vile and abusive! It’s not about 35 minutes, it is about control.

Sincere congratulations for achieving both the great house and distance (emotional and physical) from these people who do not have your best interests at heart

TBH I think cutting these people out of your life would be a good thing. Why would you want people who are manipulative like this continuing to control you and letting them do this to your DC?

You are being very unreasonable…….to have only moved 35 minutes away from these people.

Enjoy your new house and garden!

After all this, why would you feel guilty? You need to protect your son which you're doing. That's your priority

Just picture your son running around in his new garden - you’ll probably stand there and breathe a massive sigh of relief! Good luck with the move.

DON'T LET THEM GUILT YOU. GET AWAY FROM THEM

My toxic mother had (didn’t have) bowel cancer.

So predictable.

Advice? Change your mobile number and don't tell them your new address.

You will be well rid of them.