Moving 35 mins from parents - bombarded with texts about taking my son from them

[housemoveproblems]

I wrote a thread previously about wanting to move away from my parents after stupidly moving closer to them out of guilt.

Thread here: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4917078-desperately-want-to-move-but-parents-say-im-failing-son?postsby=housemoveproblems

We have taken the plunge and are moving to a much bigger house with an amazing garden for my little boy - all he ever wants to do is run around! And I need to set boundaries and have some space because it’s affecting our mental health & it’s been so toxic with them the past year.

We move next week and told them a week ago, I didn’t want to up and leave because I felt it would make the situation worse.

I received a message from my mum saying moving is not fair on my DC and that it’s me being selfish. She said if I move then she is done with me for good. I am so tired of it that I simply said ok and haven’t contacted her since.

I’m now receiving text messages from my step dad saying they want to see DC but if we are 30 minutes away it’s ‘impossible’ to have a relationship with him and if we move that’s on us and we need to make a decision as to whether we are ‘going to do that to them’.

I was feeling so at peace having not contacted them and now I’m just anxious and feeling guilty again.

I’ve blocked them on everything now but I’m now worrying that moving away is wrong and that I should just stick it out. But I want to protect our family.

Any advice?

Enjoy your new (peaceful) home x

Congrats that is brilliant. Keep up the good work!

For your parents, It's not about the distance or relationship with their grandchildren, they are demanding control over you, your family and your life decisions.

Sounds like you need to move and reduce contact to keep your sanity.

Do you want your kids coming under that sort of toxic influence.

It's your life and family. You live it how it suits you.

So very true!

This is your opportunity for a new start without bullying, aggressive relatives OP so do keep them at a distance and away from your new, more peaceful, happier life. 🌹

Every happiness in you new home.

Do it ! How toxic ! Boundaries boundaries boundaries ur always get 'change back messages before u set them and became assertive as it doesn't work for them ! Go for it lovely new home dnt give them ur address peace and quiet and great for ur child !

They are completely batshit crazy.

I moved to southern Europe, away from my lovely mum ( I'm an only child) with my DC ....my mum couldn't of been more supportive. She visits often and I go back as much as possible

Please get away from your toxic parents asap

Also the guilt probably comes from the trauma bond ur parents have created ! All the best for 2024

My parents live 25 mins away, 35 mins away from the kid’s primary school & have a fantastic relationship with the kids. They even chose to pop over to collect the kids from school once a week to spend extra time with them. 30 minutes is nothing- they’re bonkers.
move & be done with them.

Sorry but I wouldn’t want them to have an unsupervised relationship with my child if they are this controlling.

35 mins is nothing.

we had a similar issue when my kids were little - we had to move due to jobs and school and grandparents put their stake in the ground trying to manilpulate. However they cut their noses off to spite their face as they now have no relationship with kids as they are too stubborn to back down and we are now deemed to live too far away (we don’t) and they never invite us over to them. It’s batshit crazy narcissistic behaviour as far as I’m concerned.