Moving 35 mins from parents - bombarded with texts about taking my son from them

[housemoveproblems]

I wrote a thread previously about wanting to move away from my parents after stupidly moving closer to them out of guilt.

Thread here: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4917078-desperately-want-to-move-but-parents-say-im-failing-son?postsby=housemoveproblems

We have taken the plunge and are moving to a much bigger house with an amazing garden for my little boy - all he ever wants to do is run around! And I need to set boundaries and have some space because it’s affecting our mental health & it’s been so toxic with them the past year.

We move next week and told them a week ago, I didn’t want to up and leave because I felt it would make the situation worse.

I received a message from my mum saying moving is not fair on my DC and that it’s me being selfish. She said if I move then she is done with me for good. I am so tired of it that I simply said ok and haven’t contacted her since.

I’m now receiving text messages from my step dad saying they want to see DC but if we are 30 minutes away it’s ‘impossible’ to have a relationship with him and if we move that’s on us and we need to make a decision as to whether we are ‘going to do that to them’.

I was feeling so at peace having not contacted them and now I’m just anxious and feeling guilty again.

I’ve blocked them on everything now but I’m now worrying that moving away is wrong and that I should just stick it out. But I want to protect our family.

Any advice?

the grand parent has no right to grandchild and the stepgrandparent has actually no right to even ask!! do not tell them your new address!!

My advice is do what you need to do to get away from this toxic relationship. You are not being unreasonable to put your family's needs above those of your toxic and abusive parents.

Good luck OP, I wish you and your little family every happiness.

Just read your original post and actually it sounds like it may be best just to cut them off altogether! I can’t believe her behaviour and thinking she can get custody of your child!!

Move & never look back. Get out of the shadow of negativity & guilt that's being cast over you.

My DD moved away when she went to uni 20-odd years ago. She and her now family live about an hour-and-a-half away. It's never affected our relationship with our grandson (12yo). We see him and facetime, it's never been an issue. His other Grandparents also live about 2 hours away in the other direction. In fact, he loves to visit and see all of us, the different scenery, the seaside, etc.

It's their life, we wouldn't dream of complaining, makes it more special when we do meet up!

I’d have made it 45 minutes- 1.5 hrs, but you’re absolutely right not to move much further. You don’t want them to say they have to stay over if they ever visit. Once you hit the 2 hour mark, people start to want to do that. Be far enough away they can’t just pop in, but not too far they need to stop over. They sound vile btw. You’ve done the right thing. They sound like my in laws. Toxic. Go no contact if you need to. You children need you more than any grandparent, and they need you healthy and happy.

You need to read the history of this. OP has done the best thing for her and her family.

Wow, given their behavior it might be good to move a lot farther away. Like to a different country? Seriously, 30 minutes is nothing, they have no cause to be upset about it. Do you have it in writing that they said they would make false allegations of neglect? Keep that record because if they follow through, you'll need to have the proof. But really, is it a good idea to stay in contact with people who threaten to lie about you to get custody of your child from you? It's a bit chilling, isn't it?

Tell them that the next move will be considerably further given their harassment, block them and move on. They clearly don’t care about you or your son. If they can’t make the effort to come 30 min there was nothing there in the first place.

Good grief, OP. No wonder you are moving away. I'm surprised you're not moving further.

I live a 6 hour drive and the other side of an international border from my parents. They still manage to have a close relationship with my kids, even when my son was small and there were still border restrictions due to Covid.

That's very close op. Well done for being strong. You didn't tell them your new address did you

35 minutes? We have a longer school run!
Honestly, they are being pathetic. Hold your nerve.

I havent read the previous thread, I dont need to

OP has set out enough in her OP about abusive and harrassing texts, saying that if they move a relationship with the grand child is 'impossible' and the mum saying 'Im done with you for good'

You dont even need to know a back story to know that this is abusive and unhinged and noting to do with people feeling sad or loss about travel times

I dont see any option to block them OP

They have literally said they will report you to social services out of spite.

That = the end of a relationship.

Also, get ahead of it. Contact children's services. Tell them you have a relative who has said they will report you out of spite. Keep your house reasonably tidy & have food in the fridge/cupboards.

Both my mother and mother in law lived 45 minutes away from us hit it didn't stop my mum seeing my daughter at least twice a week when she was growing up, or my mother in law from seeing her weekly. I could understand it more if you were moving to the other end of the country but what is the problem with a 35 minute journey?

Op, I'd block your parents and reclaim the calm you felt when you went LC before. They are spiteful and toxic.

You don't have to live your life considering then. They are being totally batshit and don't deserve a relationship with you/your dc.

OP I've now read your other thread.

You have been seriously and severely emotionally damaged by your parents.

They have completely Fucked You Up.
Don't let them do the same to your child.

Focus on your future, a wonderful new house filled with love and laughter.
Stay NC and enjoy your freedom from the past.
Good luck 🤞🏻😊

You need to block them and keep them away from your child. You can't allow him to be subjected to this.

Stand firm. Your child deserves a childhood in which they are protected from frightening adult behaviour and toxicity. Give your child the gift your parents denied you and give your inner child the gift of freedom from the abuse you’ve experienced since you were a child. I hope you’re all very happy in your new home.

I don't have any family at all within an hour of me. It's made zero difference to anybody. This is just more control and threats. Well done for blocking. Keep them blocked. Enjoy your amazing new home and the FREEDOM! Good luck

Fuck that noise OP. You are doing the right thing 👊🏻

OP, first, they're batshit and abusive. It sounds very much like it would actually be in your and your son's best interest to never see them again. Ever.

Secondly, I live 2.5 hrs away from MIL and SIL. DD has a brilliant relationship with them, we go to see them for the day regularly, up and back in a day, not like we're staying over night.

Ffs, we travel for 35 mins to go to the bloody supermarket or mcdonalds!

Thirdly, and finally, you would not be unreasonable to fake your own death to get away from them imo. They sound absolutely hideous. And quite frankly dangerous if they tried to stop you accessing mental health treatment when you had a new baby.

35 minutes is nothing at all. They can come and find you if they want to. Up to them now.

You are doing the right thing for your family. Stay strong and stick with it.
It can be really tough as even losing abusive relationships means we have to mourn the few good bits (like belonging) but it’s worth it in the end. They will try to put the ‘blame’ on you and find ways regain power over you, but believe in yourself, and your strength as a good mum.
I cut myself off from 1 close family member for decades. It was an ongoing fight with rest of family who kept on telling me how upset she was and what she wanted. Never asked about my feelings or needs. In a family crisis a few years ago had to let them back in. Guess what, after 1yr the behaviour started again, so they are now blocked for good. Yes it’s sad, and sometimes difficult, but life is SO much nicer without them.
Good luck @housemoveproblems and stay strong.