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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shop came while WFH

267 replies

Kiopa · 20/10/2023 13:55

I realise this is a ridiculous thing to be arguing about but interested in opinions of whose in the wrong here.

A orders the food shop to come 10-11am. B is working at home at that time. A expects to be home by 10 but ends up running late by 15 minutes. The shop arrives at 10am and B has to take it in and put the frozen things away. A puts the rest away. A says they would have messaged B that the shop was coming but normally this supermarket sends a text 15 mins before they arrive and they didn't this time. B thinks A was inconsiderate not to let them know the shop might come before they were home.

A and B are now in a stand off as B won't let it go until A apologises for being inconsiderate and A doesn't accept that they were inconsiderate.

YABU - A is in the worng
YANBU - B is in the wrong

If you can't tell we're both extremely stubborn.

OP posts:
happyinherts · 20/10/2023 14:21

If they both wish to eat this week - they both need to grow up. Some people in this world aren't able to shop at all! Count one's blessings.

MargotBamborough · 20/10/2023 14:21

Unless B was doing something incredibly important which has now been compromised as a result of the shopping arriving and A knew this, B needs to let it go.

Catza · 20/10/2023 14:21

My partner schedules various things as he knows I’m working from home and half the time he either doesn’t check with me the time or forgets to mention it at all. I work as a clinician so can’t interrupt my appointments even for a minute. Last time an estate agent barged in while I was (luckily) in a team meeting. They had a key and I have no issues with them letting themselves in but I was majorly pissed off as they stood in a hall shouting “hello, hello” rather than getting on with what they wanted to do.
So I get this part… What I don’t get is demanding an apology.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/10/2023 14:22

I don’t think you need to apologise.

However I also think it’s a bit of a question of “form” - do you often spring things on B without any warning? Or is he generally precious about not being disturbed to the point of being up his own arse?

MrsCarson · 20/10/2023 14:22

Life is too short, shit happens.

SwearyBetty · 20/10/2023 14:22

Kiopa · 20/10/2023 14:21

For all the people saying about Bs important job, they regularly take in parcels, do chores in breaks while wfh (as do I).

In that case why is B making it into such a big deal. It was a small thing and no need for a stand off.

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 20/10/2023 14:23

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 20/10/2023 13:57

A should have said shopping is being delivered 10-11, i should be home but if not FYI the doorbell may ring.

This

90% of the time I am fine with this sort of thing while WFH and if I know I am expecting something I can work around it but I would hate to have to interrupt a call or something

TakeMe2Insanity · 20/10/2023 14:24

Frasers · 20/10/2023 13:56

B is wrong, I mean god sake it was taking a shop in and putting some frozen stuff in freezer, they need to get a grip

This!

It happens frequently in our house that a delivery comes earlier and person wfh (invariably on a call) has to quickly answer the door.

If you want the privilege of not answering the door either a) hire staff b) work from work.

Lentilweaver · 20/10/2023 14:25

B needs to take a chill pill!

Wanttobefree2 · 20/10/2023 14:25

If I was B and busy at work I wouldn’t especially impressed if the shopping arrived, and A was just faffing on having a coffee or doing something non-essential. I’d still put the frozen food away but could easily be distracted for 10-15 minutes sorting stuff out.

PinkRoses1245 · 20/10/2023 14:27

B was working. Did you actually check with them before booking the shop?

MargotBamborough · 20/10/2023 14:27

I think A should tell B to organise the food shop next time.

Mrsjayy · 20/10/2023 14:27

bathrobeandpie · 20/10/2023 14:17

being interrupted without warning when you planned to work in peace in your own home?

It's not a huge deal, but it's inconvenient. Many people wouldn't even bother to open the door in this scenario.

Show quote history

Nobody on mumsnet opens the .door it seems. They were well aware it was the shopping it takes a few minutes to put freezer stuff away they probably spent longer messaging seething and then posting on mumsnet than actually putting shopping away, the other person was running late it happens.

Frasers · 20/10/2023 14:27

Why are you apologising? B wasn’t on a call and spent five mins taking it shopping, it’s no big deal and they need to grow up.

Ducksinthebath · 20/10/2023 14:29

Kiopa · 20/10/2023 14:21

For all the people saying about Bs important job, they regularly take in parcels, do chores in breaks while wfh (as do I).

In breaks though. I do that. But I wouldn't be happy if I was expected to deal with something and I was in a meeting or might have had a call come through.

Seems like next time you need to pick a slot with more than 15 minutes' tolerance in it, i.e. if you were aiming to be home for 10am you should have booked for an 11am-12pm slot.

Parakeetamol · 20/10/2023 14:29

I'd be annoyed if I was B because when I'm working I'm often in senior meetings where men think women spend all day doing domestic tasks rather than work. To prove them right by taking shopping in during a call would be awful.

WiddlinDiddlin · 20/10/2023 14:29

I'd be irritated as the one WFH - I never know if I'll be on a call, and I can't leave my work platform at the drop of a hat to put away shopping, though I can leave it briefly if I am fairly sure its a quiet moment (for some reason messages/calls seem to come in waves and I have a 1 hour response time for messages so there is some wiggle room).

But not everyones WFH works like that.

If I knew it was coming and that the person ordering it would be back very soon, then it wouldn't be the end of the world to dump it in the kitchen.

But not knowing its coming and not being certain when the person will return to deal with it, that would be irritating, yes.

user1483387154 · 20/10/2023 14:30

A and B need to stop arguing about such stupid things, seriously a 5 minute job,

Lentilweaver · 20/10/2023 14:30

Frasers · 20/10/2023 14:27

Why are you apologising? B wasn’t on a call and spent five mins taking it shopping, it’s no big deal and they need to grow up.

This! There are more important things to be fussed about. This happens all the time with us as we both WFH and neither of us apologises.

Original poster
Kiopa · 20/10/2023 14:31

So i just went an apologised (to the person asking why - it was because it is a non-issue really and he was right that i should have said). He then apologised for overreacting and explained that hes not feeling v happy at the moment and thats why he thinks he overreacted. Thats for various (good) reasons that im not going to go into here.

I probably didnt need to post on mumsnet but it helped me feel a bit more objective about the situation.

OP posts:
WimbyAce · 20/10/2023 14:31

Literally couldn't be doing with this nonsense. Stand off indeed 😆

RoomOfRequirement · 20/10/2023 14:31

A scheduled the food shop, A didn't mention it to B, A was late.

A was in the wrong. B may be overreacting slightly but presumably was in the middle of something that meant at that time it was inconvenient to be forced to get up and do something they hadn't planned for.

andymary · 20/10/2023 14:31

Those who are saying that B is in the wrong are obviously very naive, and don't understand that not all WFH jobs are the same.

Yes, some WFH jobs give you the benefit of being able to go answer the door, take in a shop or parcel, go the toilet whenever you want, have little breaks as much as you want.

HOWEVER, there are WFH that don't allow you to do this, where your computer actions are tracked for online activeness, and where you have to change your online status depending on whether youre going on a toilet break or going on lunch break, with no allowance for any interruptions or time away from your desk in-between. Many call-centre type rolls have this type of WFH system, where you're expected to answer call after call and have targets for how quick you have to answer the calls coming in and how many calls to take in a day. If you have unexpected time away from the computer, then this gets you pulled up by a team leader or management and put on your record - do it too many times and it leads to a warning, or dismissal.

But it's ok... those who said that B are in the wrong just don't even think to comprehend this sort of stuff.

SylvieLaufeydottir · 20/10/2023 14:32

A and B both need to get over it, apologise to each other for being a bit thoughtless/a bit dramatic and grumpy, stop having pointless petty stubborn arguments, and get on with life.

bathrobeandpie · 20/10/2023 14:33

SwearyBetty · 20/10/2023 14:19

Does B have a VERY IMPORTANT job and should under no circumstance be disturbed by trivial stuff??

Tell B to sort out the shopping next time.

maybe he, or she, does.
or maybe he, or she, reasonably does not want to be interrupted, and would have booked the delivery slot for a different time if they had been asked what time was convenient?

My DH ASKS me what time is convenient for me when he books things and I am the only one at home, doesn't yours?

If it's a one-off, A and B are both wrong to make such a big deal, most people would have already forgotten about it, and half the shopping would have disappeared when the teen on half-day had turned up starving at home anyway

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