I want to move to countryside but DH not sure

[MaybeRural]

I'm fed up of city life and want to move to somewhere more rural, not to a really remote location but definitely to a place where I am not woken by car doors slamming, neighbour's children screaming from all sides, excessive traffic noise etc. DH is a city boy through and through and thinks we'll hate country living. I've been studying the online property websites and have found three houses to look at this weekend. He says he might be 'too busy' to come with me. So AIBU if I go and look by myself and try to persuade DH to at least consider moving? There's nothing keeping us here really because we both WFH and can work anywhere and have no dependent children or family nearby. Has anyone else moved to the countryside during Covid or any other time and did you love it or hate it? Obviously, I'd like some 'good news' stories to tell DH but perhaps I need the realistic ones to stop myself going off on a romantic quest for something that won't actually make me happier?

Your husband isn't 'not sure', he actively thinks he will hate it. Why are you going ahead with this instead of trying to find a compromise? I wouldn't be impressed with my husband going ahead with plans to spend a load of our money, on something I had no interest in, without me. If you can change his mind, and he hates it, he will end up resenting you. Surely there is a compromise eg detached house on town outskirts or a town near a national park or something. Can you rent for a while to actually see what its like?

"there's nothing keeping us here"

Apart from the fact your DH wants to live there? And actively hates the idea? It's like saying "there's nothing worth moving to the countryside for" - apart from the fact you quite fancy it.

I live in the countryside. Wi-Fi is rubbish unless mega expensive, signal goes all the time - so it's not the most reliable for WFH (I have to dongle a lot). There's basically zero public transport, so it's car drives everywhere - good luck getting anywhere quickly! Run out of milk? Can't walk for it. Fancy a cheeky tea? Got to collect or wait for the 2 hour delivery. Be prepared for tough winters, depending where in the country you are. Are roads are impassable in some weathers, don't get gritted unless we do it ourselves and external pipes freeze a lot. Big storms take down power in winter and it can be days until it's back on.

I love the lack of noise + neighbours, but it comes at a financial and social cost! There's so many good bits but it's not a life for everyone, especially when you're not both on board.

Whenever newcomers arrive in our village they send the first 6 moths complaining about the smells, tractors blocking roads, lack of buses etc and get very short shrift until they either adapt or leave.
I think you need to identify what actually makes you happy before moving forwards.
I personally need large skies, trees and space around me hence I'm very happy living rurally but I appreciate that would bore people who are used to having things to entertain them on their doorstep.
We are entering power cut season too (averages 2 per week from November- February), oil heating only as no gas mains, crap WiFi, no bus service, when it snows the village is cut off and no shop in the village.

How about the compromise of a country town rather than rural? I live in a market town, super peaceful but with nice shops and pubs.

"not to a really remote location but definitely to a place where I am not woken by car doors slamming, neighbour's children screaming from all sides, excessive traffic noise etc."

Does it have to be rural? I thankfully don't have any of the above and live in the suburbs of a big city. Perhaps a compromise on location to a quieter street or town?

Grew up rurally (mile from nearest village). Parents moved into said village when they got older. Mum hates it because of the neighbours noisy children and the motorcycle enthusiast next door… their home is much noisier than the quiet street I lived on a 15 minute walk from a city centre.

I now live on the edge of a village, it’s not rural enough to avoid neighbours like you describe. We get woken by different things: sheep, tractors, and yes the neighbours car (although it’s infrequent). What you describe is very dependent on the neighbours.

Absolutely everything @jiinglebells says. Plus, it can really limit your social life. In the city you can walk, get a bus/tube to pubs, restaurants, gigs etc but in the country (if you fancy a drink) you are looking at an expensive and probably unrealiable taxi ride there and back. You also probably have a few easily accessible coffee shops where you are but there won't be one within walking distance in the countryside and (in my experience) they are more pretentious than the city ones. Life is generally harder in rural locations, even with WFH and a decent salary, but most importantly you are likely to have a very unhappy husband.

Everyone is different. I hate the urban life with a passion and moved to the country at the first opportunity after uni. I feel hemmed in if there is no sky or green around me. And the soulless and heartless nature of city life appals me. The noise, the fumes, the crowds, not being able to walk along and talk because of the traffic noise; people just walking past those in distress, no-one saying hello ....... I hate it all.

I am typing this whilst looking out on fields and the Welsh hills, and watching the birds gathering to migrate. The sky is huge and the sun is streaming in.

I am surrounded by kind neighbours and a nurturing community, where something is happening every day - clubs, coffee mornings, singing group (I run that), live entertainment, croquet, school events (to which everyone goes - not just relatives)......... it is like living in a big family.

Go for it!

Don't know what you do about OH though ..... !!

To avoid all the stuff you're looking to avoid you'd have to move to somewhere very rural. Moving to somewhere not too rural will still mean you're likely to come across all those things and more.

It doesn't sound like your DH is even remotely keen on moving and I can't say I blame him as someone who used to live rurally. I think you'd be wasting the agents time to go and look at the properties to be honest.

Hmm, not sounding too positive so far! I'm not forcing DH to do anything by the way, just exploring options that might make life better for both of us, even if he can't see it yet! We've lived in numerous towns and cities over the last twenty years because he's had to move with quite a bit for his career and I've always uprooted myself (and my horse) to go with him, even when I've been settled and happy so I'm wondering if it's my turn to find a property in a location that I might like after years of trailing after him? Nothing set in stone yet, but I want to at least look at some rural houses. Who knows, I may hate them myself but I won't know until I go and view. I promise I won't apply thumbscrews to the poor chap if he really hates the idea of rural life!

No good news for you OP. I am a city person and moved to a semi rural area on the edge of a city ( that is more of a town). I hate it. Now, I actually love the countryside to visit, but not too live.
It’s dull, there’s little to do. I miss the energy and activity and life of a city more than I can say. The people here are all quite similar. I really, really hate it. And I am not even in the country proper!

Went away for a weekend to a proper city and felt alive again.

Your H knows he will hate it. If this really is the life for you, you need to consider going it alone. Pressurizing g him into a life he’ll hate will just cause resentment.

Sounds brilliant!

If I were your DH I would be very annoyed tbh. He has clearly communicated that this is not something he wants to do. It doesn’t sound like there is any ambiguity or he’s not sure. If he says he thinks he’ll hate it the answer is no. Stop being pushy.

a place where I am not woken by car doors slamming, neighbour's children screaming from all sides, excessive traffic noise etc. There are loads of city areas without these issues - and avoiding these is not a good reason to move to a rural location.

Your DH is a city person. I think you need to listen to him, it'd be unreasonable to force him to move.

Aw, I can't just leave the poor chap to buy my cottage with roses round the door😆Who'd iron his shirts and listen to him moan about his colleagues if I were sitting in the middle of a field stroking sheep and cows?

Oh, and I moved out - hated it - moved back.

Only one really positive story so far. Perhaps I am BU and I should cancel the viewings? Or forge ahead and divorce DH if he digs in his heels? Stark choices!

I can vouch for a nice rural/provincial town life.

I love in a village, but am 10 minutes drive from town and it's facilities. Best of both worlds. Livery yard round the corner too, and train lines into Birmingham and London aren't far either .

@MaybeRural my post is positive, I love it but you also have to be aware of the issues it can bring.

clubs, coffee mornings, singing group (I run that), live entertainment, croquet, school events (to which everyone goes - not just relatives)

see, when I said there is nothing to do, it’s full of this sort of stuff. Jesus, I’m a parent and even I don’t like going to my kids school events. If everyone goes to the school events that tells you how little there is to do!
I like a diversity of people and stuff to do. Your choices are likely to be limited if you move somewhere like this. It’s a very limited demographic, who like a certain range of stuff.

Moved from London to a rural Oxfordshire village and it’s the best thing we ever did. It meant we could buy a big beautiful house and it’s very social here - two pubs, school, village shop, social club etc people are welcoming but not too into everyone’s business. Have friends here and you just pop by or meet at the pub - no trek across London to meet. Also easy peasy access to London and Oxford for a hit of the city or cotswolds etc if you want a nice weekend away.
We also have very fast internet so WFH is no problem - had two power cuts in three years so not that bad and with one my husband just drove to a local pub to work - no big drama.
You will need a car and getting used to driving most places but it’s worth it for me 100%. Hope you find the right village and manage to convince him!

I second this! We moved from a busy city to a small "rural" market town in the edge of the Cotswolds. To us, it feels very rural, but to some who live out in the sticks already, probably don't see it as such. We have beautiful countryside on our doorstep, loads of lovely walks, no traffic jams. It's so so peaceful and quiet, but a short walk into the town centre, and it's bustling with coffee shops and lots of convenience stores, farmers markets most weekends, plenty of cafes, pubs, restaurants, a leisure centre and tons of classes and activities locally, plus three larger supermarkets within a few minutes drive. Can get everything we need locally, but it's a whole world away from the city living we were desperate to escape. It's rural enough for us, but still lots going on that we don't feel isolated. And it's easily commutable, can be in the nearest major city within 25 mins... We even have a train station! Market towns are really great if you want a good balance between rural living and not feeling completely cut off.

I grew up in the countryside, I totally recommend it. It’s really difficult though when you’re not on the same page. 💐

Now that sounds perfect! I definitely need a good livery yard and good hacking would be amazing if I could find it. I don't want to live so rurally that I need a map and compass to find the nearest main road and I have no idea how I'll cope without being able to walk or taxi to where I want to go, but I am ready for a change.

That also sounds very nice and I'm sure I'd enjoy that sort of location. I think DH would too, but he needs to come round to the idea in his own time.