I want to move to countryside but DH not sure

[MaybeRural]

I'm fed up of city life and want to move to somewhere more rural, not to a really remote location but definitely to a place where I am not woken by car doors slamming, neighbour's children screaming from all sides, excessive traffic noise etc. DH is a city boy through and through and thinks we'll hate country living. I've been studying the online property websites and have found three houses to look at this weekend. He says he might be 'too busy' to come with me. So AIBU if I go and look by myself and try to persuade DH to at least consider moving? There's nothing keeping us here really because we both WFH and can work anywhere and have no dependent children or family nearby. Has anyone else moved to the countryside during Covid or any other time and did you love it or hate it? Obviously, I'd like some 'good news' stories to tell DH but perhaps I need the realistic ones to stop myself going off on a romantic quest for something that won't actually make me happier?

Thankfully both DH & I wanted to move to somewhere more rural. I would say I was surprised at differences such as no takeaway deliveries rather than it being a deal breaker. I got used to it. I love the myriad country walks I can do from my doorstep, the beautiful views the birdsong. We're in a village a mile from the nearest town, which has a market on Friday mornings as well as shops, pub, schools, doctors etc. There are clubs & activities, just not the choice you get in cities. For example I do the exercise classes that are on offer, rather than ones I would ideally like to do. I have cities 25 miles away, so tend to make a day of it if I need to go to any of them. Fortunately, I like driving, so the lack of public transport doesn't affect me too much. Adult children: 2 DCs have stayed local and 2 have moved back to London.

If you do find something look at where you’d be able to access medical care. It was one of the big factors is deciding to leave the rural village we lived in. It was between 1hr 10mins-1hr 45mins each way to the nearest available GP. It meant that even short appointments, including travel and delays took up a minimum of half a day. It was awful if you were poorly and needed a prescription, but fortunately infrequent. When dh had a prolonged period of ill-health and required regular appointments it became unbearable.

I think you need to agree between you - it’s a major life change and people underestimate the time it takes to make new friends , the need to travel - drive - places , lack of public transport , what you might miss about city life like things to do , and people do complain about the tractors and the smells

the onus on you is to find the positive place he would rather be

and it may be that you can find what you are looking for without such a major change - even a house with better sound insulation might make a lot of difference to you !

having said that - we’ve made the shift and it’s been a fantastic choice for us

I'm the impulsive type (and diagnosed with ADHD) so I would absolutely put in an offer on a house if I fell in love with it. Seriously though, if DH hated it I wouldn't and I would actually do some research on the area first. I often get itchy feet and have made some poor house buying/renting decisions but more good than bad overall.

One of the ones we're visiting is a rental, one is for sale and one is for sale or to let whichever the owners think will suit them, apparently.

I'm sorry that your DH had a bad time health wise. I hope things are better now. You make a very valid point though and one I will heed. We're getting older and do need to think about future needs.

How does her husband's wishes trump hers?

If it's two yesses or one no, then isn't she saying no?

After trailing after someone else's career when is it her turn? Or is it never her turn? Or is it always his?

Where is his compromise?

Not wanting to bang on about tractors too much but I do know my John Deere from my New Holland and I am keen on vintage tractors for some reason unknown even to myself so tractors will not be complained about on my watch I promise!

Re making friends - I've moved around so much that I just talk to everyone and see what happens. I usually join exercise classes etc and there's always someone who'll chat. I'm happy to join in with communal activities so the church flower rota won't phase me if they want to take advantage of my 1001 ways with a spray carnation? 😆

I live rurally but about 6 minutes drive from a large town.
We moved from a market town.

I love it. It’s the perfect mix - I fall asleep to owls and cows mooing but I can still get a taxi into town for less than a tenner and takeaways delivered.

Decent internet - infact, it’s totally fine outside the just thick stone walls make it a bit more of an issue outside!

My partner needed some persuading - I have horses too and part of my goal was to make the horses at home so that meant a 200 mile move. However, she is a country girl at heart so it wasn’t too hard and she loves it here too now.

Theres many, many spectrums between city life and entirely rural.

Now that sounds idyllic 😍

Although I do live across the valley to a skip/recycling plant and my neighbour has noisy ‘guard dogs’ (I quote guard dogs as they’re actually dead soft) so those things do wake me up sometimes! But it’s the first time in my adult life that I’ve not lived to the constant sound of traffic so I can deal with it.

So you grew up rurally on a farm, and keep a horse...

In which case, surely you know loads about what it's like to live rurally (good and bad)? Why are you asking on here? Why are you asking a question that you can already answer?

Bizarre.

Tbf, it sounds like his career was what paid the bills, it's not like he was just moving around for jollies.

I bloody love living in the middle of nowhere! You would have to drag me kicking and screaming to live near people again!

Just do it and don’t tell your Dh!

I moved off the farm as a child so I haven't lived rurally since I was tiny. I can remember bits and pieces, often cow poo related, but I moved to a town when I was almost 5 years old, which is a while back 😆I'm quite happy for you to consider me bizarre though. I shall consider you a polar explorer in return 😚

Coming from a city it would be a massive shock to be suddenly very rural. There are lots of more rural small towns and villages, but if it’s the neighbours that are annoying you moving somewhere like that probably wouldn’t solve your issue as you’d be likely to still have close neighbours.

tbh DH bangs on about moving rurally all the time. I won’t do it. We’re sort of semi rural now. We live on the edge of a medium sized town, we can walk to Asda and other out of town shops in 10 mins, have a reasonable sized hospital 10 minute drive away and can still walk out and be in the country side in less than 10 mins. Lots of country walks to choose from. To me where we live is pretty much perfect as it’s the best of both worlds. Having close neighbours is the compromise I can live with.

I second that! I've just been trying to find a blog I read a while ago about being on the show. The couple moved to Scotland (the house they bought had tartan carpets) but irritatingly I haven't been able to find the link.

Dorset and Hampshire are expensive though and there's an additional premium in places with good transport links. Maybe you don't need to worry about price though. I can't believe some of the comments you've had about arranging the viewings. The worst case scenario is that you waste an afternoon seeing some houses.

This. I couldn't bear your city life I'm afraid!!!!

Just saw about ADHD, OP.
I'd say that explains your decision making process fully.
I'm also diagnosed, also get "itchy feet" and I only move on a stab-of-the-map impulse. In fact, always moving (including between countries) in search of something... A change... An adventure... Is one of the defining symptoms for me.

Personally, I've learnt that I can't necessarily trust my brain when it comes to large decision making (particularly relating to moves/property) and for a particular reason - no matter what logical reasoning I come up with to "sell" the move, it's actually just a compulsive part of my behaviour. It's ADHD.

I expect your rural project (as that's essentially what it is) will only be "shiny" whilst new... And then that stifling feeling again, the next dream, the next project, the next move.

I've realised that what's exciting for me, can be quite upsetting for others. So I'm not going to move to Peru to farm avocados. Not yet 😜

I'm trying to live BIG where I'm at in this moment. Straight out of lockdown blues I bought a run-down charming wreck of a Victorian property in the middle of inner-city HMO land. It's a complete "zoo" around here and the house will be rebuilt and restored by my own hands. Yeah, it keeps me awake at night but also gives me purpose & keeps that dreaded boredom threshold at bay.

I've made a decision to love it here. To grow old and eccentric in my charming house. And if I need a Project in future then I'll figure out how to earn a Blue Plaque rather than move 😁

You have booked three house visits. So I think you are pretty serious really, just back tracking because you have been told you are being unreasonable.

I've lived in london all my life, we are moving to Norfolk soon, can't wait x

I'm surprised you have got viewings if you aren't proceedable to buy! My friend is thinking of moving and not one agent will let her book a viewing until her house is on the market.

OP is renting with money from previous property sale

@Zanatdy oh missed that thanks - clearly haven't had enough coffee this morning yet

I would point out to your dh that you have upped and moved several times and it's only fair he supports you.

This thread has been a revelation as some rural dwellers have stated they need to be surrounded by space and sky. I am pretty sure that those of us who live in towns and cities are still surrounded by sky if not open spaces !
Now don't get me wrong I would love to live in the countryside but unfortunately circumstances dictate that I have to live within easy reach of a major hospital. So I live in the middle of a city with all that entails. In fact I live at the top of a hill with far reaching city views so there is plenty of sky to be had there and city views have a certain beauty to them as well.
But how I would love to have no neighbour or traffic noise so v envious of those who live that lifestyle !