I want to move to countryside but DH not sure

[MaybeRural]

I'm fed up of city life and want to move to somewhere more rural, not to a really remote location but definitely to a place where I am not woken by car doors slamming, neighbour's children screaming from all sides, excessive traffic noise etc. DH is a city boy through and through and thinks we'll hate country living. I've been studying the online property websites and have found three houses to look at this weekend. He says he might be 'too busy' to come with me. So AIBU if I go and look by myself and try to persuade DH to at least consider moving? There's nothing keeping us here really because we both WFH and can work anywhere and have no dependent children or family nearby. Has anyone else moved to the countryside during Covid or any other time and did you love it or hate it? Obviously, I'd like some 'good news' stories to tell DH but perhaps I need the realistic ones to stop myself going off on a romantic quest for something that won't actually make me happier?

Yes we were life-long city dwellers but left central London about 8 years ago and moved to a quiet corner of the Home Counties. Our house is in a remote location but on the doorstep of a busy town with lots of amenity and with an easy commute to London. It's a perfect balance for us. Our DC have a clean & safe environment, and for me and DH we've found it to be much easier making friends out here in the 'burbs than it ever was in London - more of a community vibe here.

I won't lie it can be boring/sleepy and obviously none of the bars, restaurants or cultural activities come close to London quality. But that's why being close to London was key for us.

I'm looking in two other counties that we've holidayed in but never lived in.
You know that you have to name them, don't you. MN rules.
Is one of them Gloucestershire? - that's very equestrian.

No worries on that front because this house is rented so we've no ties. Sold the last house a while back and intended to rent until the next job move but DH says he's happy to stick with current remote working for next few years. I feel the same. Current job isn't very exciting but it pays me enough to keep the horse in snazzy turnout rugs 😝

I think press ahead with your research and then chat to him about options when you know more. Given you are currently in Surrey, not central London, I am sure there must be a good compromise out there for you both. Good luck!!

Ha ha, no, but I wouldn't rule out Glos if we could afford it. I'm looking in Hampshire and Dorset first. Not got my heart set on any particular county yet so I'm determined to visit a few places before making my decision. Oh and DH's decision too, assuming I give him chance to express a view 😋

Unless he is enthusiastic I wouldn't. It can be challenging moving at the best of times when fully onboard but if he has key doubts then I wouldn't.

The enthusiasm makes the bumpy bits tolerable.

I think I am sort of 'over' London now. Used to live there a few years back and have sort of circled round it (Berks, Bucks, Surrey) but I'm ready for a change. I haven't mentioned it yet but my other option is moving abroad and DH thinks this might be possible depending on his employer.

If you buy a nice little place near a field, or woodland, be double sure they aren't going to build on it. I feel SO sorry for the people at the other end of my village. It used to be quiet (a meadow, a few trees...kind of idyllic), and I'm sure that for many it was their dream home. Those houses have now been engulfed by the new estates. Houses and flats are being built behind them, next door to them, and even across the road. I just cannot believe no one compensates them.

People need to remember that these massive new developments ruin lives. Instead of dismissing complainers as 'NIMBYs', there ought to be more understanding. Those on the left seem to think it's only the rich who suffer. It isn't. I know so many people whose lives have been affected by the endless new estates. None of them are rich. They're just ordinary people who've worked hard and saved up to buy a little semi-detached place in the country.

When those new estates are finished, I shudder to think how bad the traffic will be. It is unbearable NOW, so god knows what it will be like when all those new houses and flats are occupied.

I agree but, honestly, we've lived in so many places and I swear he's not even noticed because he's been so career focussed his whole adult life. We lived in a lovely European city and I really enjoyed it there and would return if possible and if the countryside move doesn't work out but DH was never there. He saw more of the airport than our apartment 🙄

find a new house less rural thats quieter as a compromise - i live on a really busy street in zone 2 London - but the house is back of the road with a huge driveway - got really good windows that keep the noise out - bedrooms are at the back - massive long back garden - aren't bothered by any noise from outside at all - yet have all the benefits of the city - not needing a car, tube walking distance, shops easy to get to, choice of airports

From what you've said you've been the one to uproot your life for him several times so I don't think there is anything wrong with assessing what you would like your future life to look like and then come together to work out a fair solution. Maybe just start at researching villages/market towns you would like and even do some long weekends away to see if you could see yourself actually living somewhere similar.

E.g. as much as I like the idea of no neighbour's I like that I can walk to a local shop and a couple of takeaways, but would want water near me so either a reservoir/decent lake/canals etc
Do you want to be withing a decent train station of any large city e.g. London, Bristol so having dinner and theater can still be an achievabe thing

Just don't be that person who buys a house in the country and then complains about the farmers/fisherman etc 🤣

Fair enough. Presumably the EAs have qualified you to check that you won't be wasting anyone's time.

What will happen if you fall in love with a house you view?

I lived in the rural countryside as a child i hated it 8 miles to the nearest shop no bus`s nothing it was dead for miles.
We was so pleased to leave it.
Years later as an adult i did move to a village not so rural as above it lasted 9 months hated it a few over priced shops bus every hour from 9am till 6pm.
none on weekends 7 miles to the nearest town.
Nice walks but did get told off a few times with GET OF MY LAND it was a public path i pointed at the sign to one woman that wanted to call the police on me.
Best thing i done that year was leave.
Country life It works for some but not for me

Now I live in a big-ish town where i can walk to shops and train station etc.
i like to be in walking distance to things .
And a bus every 20 mins blissful.

Another thing to consider is what he likes to do in his downtime and see what similar amenities are around in areas you are looking in. You know that with your horse what criteria you are looking for but for example he likes cycling/ hill walking/ fine dining/ golf then find potential places that have some proximity to those attractions as well.

He might be more open to the idea if he can see his own hobbies fitting in well with the location.

Yeah we would find it very dull. Does he meet with friends after work or on the weekens to go for a drink or dinner? Does he like going to the theatre or restaurants? Unless he already stays home most of the time, he's probably worried about being isolated and not having the buzz of the city around him.

Maybe I'm projecting because I'd go mad living rurally (but visiting is lovely!)

You have my word that I won't complain about the farmers 😉Some of my best friends are farmers, ha ha. I think I might enjoy living more rurally than DH but I'm keeping an open mind until I've got the feel for the places and properties available. I think my horse will be delighted if we find somewhere with land ... if we can afford it, which remains to be seen. Prices vary so much when you are looking in a wide search area.

My dad & his partner moved to a village a few years ago, she doesn't drive so they deliberately chose some Where with a shop (only a small costcutter type place) and a regular bus service in case he can't drive anymore or does first.
Definitely think about the future, you don't want to be old and isolated.
When we drive through small villages or see remote houses we always ask 'where would you buy milk if you needed it ' 😂
We have the best of both worlds, edge of a city with a great but service but can walk for 15 mins and be in a field

I moved to the countryside …

moved back.

I hated it too quiet for me x

No problem with the EAs. I did have to show one of them proof that we had money in the bank but the other one took me at my word. Maybe I will end up wasting someone's time, but how will I know unless I view the houses? It's not the sort of thing you can choose without seeing it. It's a bit like buying a horse, some people think you're a time waster if you don't buy their horse but if you don't like it, why on earth would you buy it? Admittedly, a house is unlikely to injure me by bucking me into the middle of next week but I don't want to buy a house sight unseen either.

If I fall in love with one of the houses DH will have to be on board too, unless I fall very deeply in love and am willing to ditch him for my Prince Charming of a house?!!

I think that you should sign up for Escape to the Country, it would be a hoot.
Have you drawn up your list of impossible / contradictory demands?

Ooh yes, that would be fun wouldn't it? Must have ten bedrooms, be under £25K, be totally isolated but within walking distance of a multiplex cinema, have ten acres but be low maintenance. Sounds reasonable, no? 😆

Do you live on quite a main road OP? I’m in zone 2 London on a residential street, and don’t have any of the noises you’ve mentioned in my house. Those noises all exist but on the main roads/shopping streets.

I do get noise from neighbours’ kids, but I prefer that to farm machinery and cockerels.

Admittedly livery is completely impossible near me so I’m not suggesting my area at all. But I would say that if your main reason for moving is to avoid noise, you can probably do that just as well in a (MN cliche) leafy residential area of a town as in deep farmland. Possibly better.

Re hobbies, he hasn't any. His career is his hobby, or so he says. I'd find that unbelievably dull but he's always glued to one of his many screens. His friends are scattered all over the country so he only meets up with them infrequently.

He keeps talking about getting a bike so the countryside is the perfect place for that. He does like nice restaurants but we can travel for that. He might even get back into horses if we could keep them at home ...

I don’t think you’re wrong to explore a little further but since you aren’t moving anywhere without your husband being on board (and he clearly is strongly opposed!) I think it’s too early to consider actually looking at houses.

I love living in the country and recommend it strongly, but it’s not for everyone. There are a lot of inconveniences - hard to pop out to the shops for last minute things, takes an age to get anywhere, nights out involve early finishes or wildly expensive taxis, can’t just spontaneously go out for a coffee or pint, roads don’t get cleared or gritted for hours when it snows. It can feel isolated and there isn’t always an immediate sense of community.

I think you need to take a few steps back and discuss this a lot more with your husband. What are his concerns, can there be compromises? You obviously can’t railroad him into a huge decision, but you can see if anything fruitful comes of talking about his concerns and how you might mitigate against them.

Yes, we're just off a busy road. More traffic noise than we anticipated. In fact, it seems quieter on the main road than our street for some reason. Noise travels in a weird way sometimes. Perhaps I'm just odd but I love a good tractor and can happily identify most types, including vintage ones 😆Children playing is fine but children screeching and jumping on trampolines and kicking their ball onto the fence all day is less fine. Fox poo in the car park area isn't a highlight either but I suspect there are far fewer foxes in the countryside these days than their urban cousins ...