I want to move to countryside but DH not sure

[MaybeRural]

I'm fed up of city life and want to move to somewhere more rural, not to a really remote location but definitely to a place where I am not woken by car doors slamming, neighbour's children screaming from all sides, excessive traffic noise etc. DH is a city boy through and through and thinks we'll hate country living. I've been studying the online property websites and have found three houses to look at this weekend. He says he might be 'too busy' to come with me. So AIBU if I go and look by myself and try to persuade DH to at least consider moving? There's nothing keeping us here really because we both WFH and can work anywhere and have no dependent children or family nearby. Has anyone else moved to the countryside during Covid or any other time and did you love it or hate it? Obviously, I'd like some 'good news' stories to tell DH but perhaps I need the realistic ones to stop myself going off on a romantic quest for something that won't actually make me happier?

Sounds remote and oddly claustrophobic. I live in a small town (>20 000) within five minutes walk of countryside. There are more than two extremes to choose from.

We moved to the hills above a beautiful tourist town in Yorkshire (from central London) and it’s the best thing we ever did! Cows and sheep in the field behind (where our cats roam without fear of getting run over!) breathtaking valley views to the front, local organic cooperative delivering food every week, a short walk through the woods to the pubs, cocktail bars and trendy restaurants of the town. So many footpaths you could never learn them all. It’s heaven. We have three acres, stables and a garden - I’m never short of things to do here. If you’re the outdoorsy type you’ll love it. When we lived in a city we found that all there was to do was go out drinking.

don’t let the doom mongers put you off! You’ll sleep better because it’s dark and silent, which boosts all areas of life. Your mental health will improve because you get outside into nature every day - you can’t help it. I go for a stunning walk just to get milk from the village shop. Just make sure you can walk to a good pub and ideally a train station and you’re golden. ❤️❤️ Do the viewings!!!

I wouldn’t go from a city to somewhere too remote, particularly if your DH isn’t on board. Try a quiet road in a cathedral city or market town. Somewhere that still has decent links to London or Manchester etc, also pubs, shops, library, theatre, GP, cinema etc. Otherwise it’ll be too big a shock and he’ll resent you. There are plenty of urban-lite places where from you can walk directly in to the countryside.

Wally world? 😉

I think I'd like to live there!

I grew up in the countryside and moved to the city, after 5 years I was done. We lived on an extremely busy main highstreet people used for commuting.

Glad to be back in the country now but I think those who are used to city life do struggle to adapt.

Pros:
Cleaner air
Lovely walks
Can hear the birds and nature
Can see the stars
Less traffic noise
Sense of community can be stronger
Foraging
Smaller schools

Cons:
Public transport often poor
Road networks often not gritted
Further to travel for shops etc
Potholes! Lots of potholes
Smell of the country - poop!
Noise - cows mooing, hounds barking, guns in shooting season going off, church bells, tractors going back and forth all night. (Personally I love all these sounds but I've heard from other townies that they annoy them).
Neighbours are nosy - nothing works faster than the local village gossip wheel often powered by old retirees.
Stuff closes down on a Sunday
Less school choice - postcode dependent tbf

Personally I think you'd be better off moving to a large town or smaller city.

Remember to check the bridleway networks where you’re looking - rowmaps.com is brilliant. Every time I think I’d like to move somewhere else, I check the bridleways and am always disappointed. I live in a seaside town on the edge of the Southdowns, horse on livery four miles away and bridleway network fantastic.

We went from a small town to a remote - ish village and when we first moved here it was bliss , but in recent years it's been discovered as a hidden gem and is now becoming very built up, so all those things you want to escape are still there, car doors s!a.king , boy racers, noisy kids ,barky dogs etc. Now it's a lot harder to get Drs and dentist appointments , where it used to be a lovely cosy comfy practice. The nearest vet is in the city, ditto hospitals so it's an 80 mile drive which is not good in emergencies.Supermarkets same distance and the local village shops can't stock everything you need and are the first to empty when bad weather comes as the suppliers can't get through.Post usually arrives late afternoon and gets later in Winter with the dark nights and poor weather too. You need to be well stocked up and prepared for power cuts too
We recently had a new neighbour move in with a hideously noisy car who thought it was ok to have the engine ticking over while he polished it religiously every day in the rented garage behind our house .This was not a youngster either, I put him straight and he doesn't do it any more I know I sound fun but he's really unpleasant The other thing you have to think about is how you fit in .Some people move to the country but still want a city lifestyle with it ,drunken loud house parties, fireworks for every occasion and things like that and they try to change what they loved about the area in the first place .

@littlecats yes!!

I'm just back from a blissful weekend break in the countryside. When we were driving home (to beachside suburbia) I said to my husband that it was a wonderful place to stay the weekend but I'd probably shoot myself if I had to live there! I was brought up in a rural market town and couldn't get the hell out of there fast enough! I did ten years in London when I was in my 20s and had an absolute blast, but I just moved to quieter/smaller cities after that which suit me better now I'm older and don't go out quite as much. But if my husband suddenly expressed a wish to move rurally he would be going alone (and I moved to Oz because he wanted to!), so if your husband says he doesn't fancy rural living, please take heed. After laughing at the idea of suburbia for years I absolutely love it now, we are 40 mins by train to the CBD, and 5 mins to the beach, which is perfect for me!

Cons: Less school choice - postcode dependent tbf
Is it necessarily a con? I have a friend who lived in a town with only one school so their Comprehensive really was comprehensive! Everybody was a child or a parent at the school so the sense of community was huge.
Her DC got 'comprehensive' results: one went into an artisan trade, which suited her, and the other went into academia, which suited her.

We moved from London to a small town in the countryside almost two years ago. Commute into London 2-3 times per week. There are things which are 'less convenient' that we had got used to in London (eg trains home after an evening out in London, very restricted take away / eating out options, and the broadband isn't great). But we love it. I think mainly because just prefer being in a green more rural setting than an urban one, that's quite a fundamental choice. The issue you have though is you want it and your DH doesn't so there's going to have to be some form of compromise (I would imagine some sort of fairly cosmopolitan town with good transport links to a city but with nice countryside around).

Quick update: the third house was really nice and we were tempted offer to rent it (owner seems to want someone to rent with a view to buy further down the line) but we decided to come home and think about it. There were lots of open fields over the road but what if they are going to build on them? I've never owned a house with a view and I'd be gutted if the bulldozers moved in on the same day we did. I also need to check out livery yards and hacking in more detail too.

DH is a lot happier now we're actually looking at houses 'in the flesh' and has even said that it might be nice to step out of his comfort zone for a while. We've decided to definitely rent for 12 months to see if he really does like country living. We've got 3 months left on our current lease so we're planning a few more trips to Hampshire and Dorset and we're also going to look at Suffolk next weekend.

p.s. I absolutely don't want to carry on my city lifestyle if we move, so no complaining about church bells, cows mooing or straw on the road from me!

That's such a good idea, taking a few trips round about, it's exactly what we did before we moved here, we spent a few weekends in different places and had a good look around. When we did this in quieter times of year we found it was easier to get chatting to the locals when we were eating out etc about the area, services, transport links etc

Good luck. I envy you. I bet your DH will be mucking out the tractors and milking the chickens in no time.

😧😆

Regardless of your husband I feel sorry for the people whose houses you are viewing who will go to the effort of tidying, arranging their day to go out during the viewing when you are not in any position to put in an offer and are just a time-waster. I’m actually surprised the estate agent will even let you book in a viewing.

Your DH isn't not sure, he's said he doesn't want to...

Also, I live in the lake district, previously lived rurally atop a cliff at the coast, grew up in a small Yorkshire village.

I can't sleep in cities.. it's too quiet.

Interesting 🤔 So you buy the first house you view each time do you? What if it smells damp, the next door neighbour’s garden looks like a jungle or the estate agent forgot to mention the abattoir next door. As strategies go, it doesn’t sound like a winner.

I actually loathe the Lake District. I understand I’m probably in a minority of one but I find the hills oppressive and all those tourists tramping around in ever increasing numbers would be a nightmare for me. Living atop a cliff would be fun until coastal erosion kicked in …

Just goes to show we’re all different doesn’t it?

This will be the first ever move I’ve influenced in 20 years, so I’m sorry if you think my husband should make 100% of our decisions for the rest of his life 🤷🏻‍♀️

I've read the whole thread and I think you sound totally switched on. All the posters coming on telling you off for forcing your Dh/wasting sellers time should sod off.

This is how you do the research on big decisions isn't it? Have an idea, talk to people (and each other), look around...

Anyway fwiw I live in North Hampshire in a town. I never eat takeaways and I don't drink so not worried at all about lack of public transport. Also coffee shops are maybe nice to have but I dunno I can't imagine a man basing his house move on something like that?

We live close enough to London but rarely go. We don't do days out really as we have animals that need to be catered for.

My idea of fun isn't culture, museums and theatres. It's running, horse riding and reading.

So in conclusion I have all the amenities on my doorstep but could happily never get a taxi/takeaway or sit in a coffee shop again.

Be happy OP 🐴

Grew up in country village then moved all over for jobs,mainly cities. Even lived on a traffic island; a low point ha! Was dream to end up edge of village with countryside around, we now have that plus river and coastal beaches nearby too. It’s absolute bliss, loads of walks, (bridleways), great community with lots of friends within walking distance, village shop, GP 5 mins walk.

At peace here. I think it’s really important to listen to your gut and bet your horse would like countryside too. Renting is great idea so not irreversible decision. Good luck OP go for it just choose carefully.

No, of course I didn’t buy the first house I saw, but I did know the area I was interested in, have my finances in order and was in a position to put an offer in on a house if I liked it.
If you want to tour properties get a National Trust membership. Many people go to great effort to get a house ready for a viewing - to hear that they have no real interest in the property but are just “researching” is a pain in the arse. At least be upfront with the EA so the seller can choose whether it is worth their time to let you look round their house whilst you decide whether you Dorset or Suffolk is right for you

I'm glad that your life is so well ordered but, sadly for me, mine can be messy at times. Unless we view properties in different counties, how will DH and I know what we want? You cannot be naïve enough to think that the property market is the same in every single county? Take it from me, some counties are more expensive, others less. It is simply impossible to get the feel of both a county and its housing stock by perusing RighMove, no matter how assiduously one goes about the task. Drive by viewings won't work either for the most part will they? How do you know if the rooms are like a series of tiny rabbit warrens? If the plaster is falling off the back bedroom ceiling or the carpets would put a 1980's sweaty nightclub to shame?

I will not be joining the National Trust either, thank you. I object strongly to many of their policies and will not financially support them.

Why do you believe we have been dishonest with any estate agent? Have you proof to back up your assertion?

Finally, our finances are in order. Why do you think they are not? Again, can you prove your wild accusation? Do you want to see our bank balance?

Good luck with your search OP.
I live on the edge of a rural market town in Somerset. We love it here - so close to beaches, moors, forests, rivers, hills etc. lots of stuff on locally, two cities less than an hour away, access to culture, heritage, activities etc.
only downside is public transport but then I prefer the convenience of a car, not at the mercy of strikes for one! We even have fibre broadband