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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked a mum where she got her kids coat from. Mine turns up in the same one. Aitah?

321 replies

Sophie1029734 · 20/10/2023 09:03

Hi all so they are in nursery. I saw a little girl in their class with a gorges coat on, I asked where it was from and she tells me. Its not a known site, quite a unique coat and stands out a lot. Anyway I got it for lo with no intention of my little girl wearing it to school, was just when we went shopping etc as I didn't want to take the light away from something she found.

I've been telling my little girl it's broke or dirty which is why she can't wear it to school. We were in a rush this morning and I turn round and she has put it on and trying to zip it up, saying she wants to be the same and look like a ballerina too. I pretended I couldn't zip it up and that it was broken then said let's put this one on instead. She just started to cry and refused to take it off, I was already late as it is and couldn't keep fighting her with it so we just left and I took her to school with it on.

The whole way I felt so guilty and sad like I stole something, I felt so wrong for it.

I won't put it on her again for school, I'll hide it from now on unless we go anywhere else but to the school.

But I'm so nervous, I didn't see the woman this morning at drop off but I may at pick up. I feel so guilty omg.

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 20/10/2023 10:10

It's just a coat. It really doesn't matter. Let her wear it.

Jewelspun · 20/10/2023 10:10

If she didn't want you to buy it she would have said the coat was a gift or she could not remember where she got it from.

You are passing on your paranoia and downright weird behaviour to your child.

Zonder · 20/10/2023 10:11

Kids at that age like to wear the same as friends. No big deal. It's not like the mum designed and made it herself and you copied her.

Gummybear23 · 20/10/2023 10:11

Send a link to the coat please.

I want to see it in context.

heyitsthistle · 20/10/2023 10:11

Just make sure the coat is clearly labelled so they don’t get mixed up
^ This is all you need to do. It's fine to have the same coat. There's two women that live near me that have the same coat as me, and it's fine.

MrsMorseEndeavour · 20/10/2023 10:12

SerpentEndBench · 20/10/2023 09:07

I don't like how AITA has been imported from elsewhere but in this instance, yes you are and weird to boot.

I hate other abbreviations creeping in here too. The title is clear enough to see.

OP you're being ridiculous. Let your kid wear the coat. They made more than one for a reason.

SmileyClare · 20/10/2023 10:13

looking4pup · 20/10/2023 10:09

I would be exactly the same.

It's a very distinctive coat.

I don't think that mum would be too happy if you tracked it down.

Nike adidas river island etc everyone wears.

I too realise I sound daft but I understand how you feel.

Yes you sound daft!

If a mum isn’t happy that your dd has the same coat then she’s a fool and not worth any head space. Why would her opinion matter?

Veryoldumm · 20/10/2023 10:14

I can see what OP means, she feels guilty as the other girl owned the coat first and OP feels like she stole over from the shine of the having it first by copying her and buying it.
But OP this is the not right attitude!
So what they had the coat first, nobody cares, you liked it so you bought it too, end of it.
When my daughter was in Reception she also liked a spotty coat her friend had in the same classroom, so I quickly bought her one too, I felt no guilty at all!
I wasn’t the only one, we saw other girls had it too in the same school.

looking4pup · 20/10/2023 10:15

@SmileyClare I can't help it. Autism and anxiety does that.

DappledThings · 20/10/2023 10:15

looking4pup · 20/10/2023 10:09

I would be exactly the same.

It's a very distinctive coat.

I don't think that mum would be too happy if you tracked it down.

Nike adidas river island etc everyone wears.

I too realise I sound daft but I understand how you feel.

She didn't "track it down". She didn't do some detailed scouring of hundreds of clothing websites. She asked and the other mum told her. So other mum is obviously not bothered, as no normal person would be, by another child wearing the same coat as their child.

Red0 · 20/10/2023 10:16

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stayathomer · 20/10/2023 10:17

Jeez people are getting ridiculously irritated for the op having a problem! I understand op, I probably would have just told her she couldn’t wear it because it’s too good a coat for that, but then like other people said, she told you, if you tell someone you’ve got to assume they’ll buy it! Have a good day!

looking4pup · 20/10/2023 10:18

This reply has been deleted

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No need

Fieldofbrokenpromises · 20/10/2023 10:20

I have read some weird shit on here over the years, but this beats the lot.

No harm (I mean that) to op - but this sort of stuff is way off my radar.

Nottogetapenny · 20/10/2023 10:20

My daughter dresses her children beautifully! She is asked quite often where she has bought the items. She tells people where, when they ask her! Taking it as a compliment of her good taste.
It wouldn’t matter to her if another child turns up in the same outfit!

Dillane · 20/10/2023 10:21

PenguinRainbows · 20/10/2023 09:04

Why are you lying to your daughter? It’s not “broke” or “dirty”.

You just tell her it’s a coat you don’t wear to nursery. No need to lie Confused

This

Bizarre behavior OP 🙄

SleepingStandingUp · 20/10/2023 10:24

If I cared about my child being the only child who could ever wear that specific coat and someone asked where I'd got it from, I'd lie. Oh gosh I've no idea, it was a gift... I'd also assume given were talking about nursery coats not Met Ball dresses that I was a bit of a dick.

If I told you, I'd assume there's a good chance you're going to buy it so just would make sure mine was labelled.

Buying it and then only letting her wear it on certain days seems like a waste of money given I'm assuming it's not actually really expensive.

Nowherenew · 20/10/2023 10:24

I don’t like feeling like people think I’m coping them, so I do understand your anxiety.

For me, it stems from having a mum and sister who try and copy everything I do (if I get a new car they’ll sell theirs and buy the same, the same with phones and even the job I do etc).

But she wouldn’t have told you the name of the store if she minded you buying one.
She would have just said it was a gift.

Next time you see her just say I hope you don’t mind, I loved the cost so much that I had to get one too.

The girls will love that they have the same coat and mum will probably feel flattered that you like her style so much.

RosyappleA · 20/10/2023 10:27

Clarinet1 · 20/10/2023 09:18

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!

Absolutely agree with this. A little girl turned up the next day with the same skirt as my daughter. It was a very ott unique skirt. Her parents laughed saying they had to get it as soon as they saw it on my daughter as their daughter loved it so much. I thought it was adorable.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 20/10/2023 10:28

Yes there are some parents who post on here getting angry when people 'copy' them but you don't make a habit of it.

If you really feel mortified you could mention to them mum and say I hope you don't mind I just loved it I won't copy eveything you but I promise! She'll probably be happy to have it acknowledged and be flattered

NotAnotherPylon · 20/10/2023 10:29

Why all the meanness and hostility around someone using an acronym from - shock, horror - somewhere else? Nice way to make sure someone feels like an outsider and not from 'around here'🙄 Pathetic.

DiscoBeat · 20/10/2023 10:30

I have no idea what AITAH means but the two little girls will probably thrilled to be 'twinning' with their coats. Save all your anguish for the teen years!

PinkRoses1245 · 20/10/2023 10:31

Seriously? It's a coat. It's really mean not letting her wear it.

JMSA · 20/10/2023 10:31

Absolutely no big deal. Let her wear it!

PestilencialCrisis · 20/10/2023 10:33

No idea what the voting means. I'd have to vote yes and no.

No, you are not being unreasonable to buy the same coat as someone else.

Yes, you are being unreasonable to be worried about it and not let your daughter wear the coat.

I cannot imagine for a second anyone caring about whether 2 nursery kids have the same item. Just make sure her name is in it and relax.