Asked a mum where she got her kids coat from. Mine turns up in the same one. Aitah?

[Sophie1029734]

Hi all so they are in nursery. I saw a little girl in their class with a gorges coat on, I asked where it was from and she tells me. Its not a known site, quite a unique coat and stands out a lot. Anyway I got it for lo with no intention of my little girl wearing it to school, was just when we went shopping etc as I didn't want to take the light away from something she found.

I've been telling my little girl it's broke or dirty which is why she can't wear it to school. We were in a rush this morning and I turn round and she has put it on and trying to zip it up, saying she wants to be the same and look like a ballerina too. I pretended I couldn't zip it up and that it was broken then said let's put this one on instead. She just started to cry and refused to take it off, I was already late as it is and couldn't keep fighting her with it so we just left and I took her to school with it on.

The whole way I felt so guilty and sad like I stole something, I felt so wrong for it.

I won't put it on her again for school, I'll hide it from now on unless we go anywhere else but to the school.

But I'm so nervous, I didn't see the woman this morning at drop off but I may at pick up. I feel so guilty omg.

Think it's just me and the last poster but yeah, if I'd dressed my kid in a really unusual coat then someone else turned up in the same one, I'd be a bit pissed off too. So, OP I really think that you shouldn't feel at all bad about anything but I totally understand why you're thinking the way you are thinking, people want to be unique and individual, not everyone gets that but you and I do. Send your daughter to school in it once or twice, then tell her it's a weekend coat. And then stop worrying and overthinking. Please please please do that for yourself and therefore for your daughter. I know, so much easier said than done. Best wishes.

I was 12, my cousin 13 - our mothers were sisters.
My mum sent away to a classy department store for a coat for me - I wore it to school when it arrived.
And lo and behold, there was my cousin wearing the exact same coat.
We were mortified. I don’t know what they were thinking.

If I dressed my kid in a really unusual coat..I’d be pissed off

Grow up. That’s really immature and petty Your child isn’t a dolly to dress up and style.
Unless you had the coat handmade or sourced a second hand coat from the 60’s- it’s a mass produced coat flogged online 🤣

No one’s looking at you admiringly because you picked a coat for your child like some sort of “fashion statement”

Try not to worry over it, it can't be undone and you little one no doubt loved wearing it to school. If you don't want her to wear it there again just say it's for weekends, or special occasions and that she already has her school coat. She may not understand why but at least it's something she can accept and won't cause confusion when it's suddenly fixed.

Jeez. First world problems. Thoughts and prayers.

This is ridiculous

You're being vile to a stranger behind your keyboard and you think she's weird? Too considerate maybe but it's not a bad way to be.

Sorry, what? This is weird.

If your little girl loves the coat then let her wear it shine and be happy. Kids actually love wearing the same as their peers. If another Mum copied my DC clothes I’d just feel complimented
Dont pass on your anxiety to your DD let her be confident and proud ♥️

Too considerate maybe but it’s not a bad way to be

Well intended but lots of pps have probably explained better than me that op’s people pleasing and fear of other’s judgement is adversely affecting her dd.

The child shouldn’t be manipulated to fit in with op’s narrative just because she’s frightened of what others think.

Its quite a small instance here but this way of thinking - that it’s ok to upset your child to keep up appearances might spill over to all social situations.

I don’t think op needs to be called an arsehole. And of course the other mum isn’t an arsehole either.

Asking Am I The Arsehole? with an inflammatory opening post and then later angrily telling posters they don’t understand because you have anxiety and PTSD is quite manipulative in itself.

An odd thread!

Yabu for blatantly lying to your child.

Yabu for teaching your dd that she needs to make herself less than in order to avoid the risk of offence.

Yabu to think that this coat hasn't been mass produced and isn't fair game for wearing

If the other mum is annoyed, then she's the unreasonable one. If you see her I'd just say I'm so glad you gave me that recommendation dd absolutely loves the coat.

Put your own child first.

Whats AITAH

@Spinet this made me laugh out loud.

AITAH - Am I The Arsehole- see Reddit

Are you serious??
stop being so controlling. Let your child wear what she wants to wear.

1. the mum told you the shop so she is expecting you to buy one
2. your daughter loves wearing it! Winwin
3. you and other nursery mums two daughters will bond over their matching coats, will become lifelong friends and be bridesmaids at each other’s weddings etc etc
4. when she has outgrown it you’ll have wished that you had let her wear it 7 days a weeks and sleep in it if requested 🤣

@SmileyClare tbh I didn't get far enough to read the OP's responses but she sounds like a really insecure, over thinker who deeply cares about offending others and being liked. I am guessing her white lies about the coat (to deter her daughter from wearing it) I'd like to think, come from a good place and are likely because she doesn't want her daughter to be in the position she feels she's put herself in, however irrational it seems to most of us. Kids do call others "copy cats" and some mum's do get precious about this sort of thing. I don't think she needs strangers labelling her an a hole or weird though.

Why does telling someone where you bought something equal expecting them to buy it and that you’d be ok with that?
Saying something is a gift etc is passive aggressive and silly because everything is labelled.

Whenever I’ve asked someone that question I’ve never gone and bought the same. It doesn’t even occur to me. We all have vast options for shopping now. Not sure why anyone can’t just go and choose something independently.

And to second @Blondebrunette1. children don’t like being copied. It’s a social faux pas from year 2 or 3 onwards. It’s not something I’d encourage.

I agree @Blondebrunette1 In the light of op’s mental health issues her thought processes are understandable albeit slightly skewed!

Its a bit naive to ask on here if you’re an arsehole though and expect a good response.

We really need to see the coat that is causing all this trouble 😁xxx

Are you mad? All the kids want the same things- the cool trainers, the Smiggle backpack and lunchbox, the Jo jo bows, no one gives a shit about “social faux pas” least of all the children.

Anyone thinking their child is “unique “ and being copied needs to get over themselves. 😂

@SmileyClare They may want the same as their friendship group but it can often make a child disliked if it becomes a habit. You’ve never heard children call someone a copy cat?

Im not sure why anyone would discourage their child from being unique.

Ok going to harsh. You are the difficult one here. My mum used to pull this rubbish all the time, hurting us children because of her worries of appearance to others. The lies may seem small now, but as the child it is awful and confusing having a mother like this. Your child literally was crying because of your issues, there was no need to do this to them.

No. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a child being disliked because they’re wearing the same coat.

Its a little absurd to think a coat produced on a factory line and sold online is unique to your child.