Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked a mum where she got her kids coat from. Mine turns up in the same one. Aitah?

321 replies

Sophie1029734 · 20/10/2023 09:03

Hi all so they are in nursery. I saw a little girl in their class with a gorges coat on, I asked where it was from and she tells me. Its not a known site, quite a unique coat and stands out a lot. Anyway I got it for lo with no intention of my little girl wearing it to school, was just when we went shopping etc as I didn't want to take the light away from something she found.

I've been telling my little girl it's broke or dirty which is why she can't wear it to school. We were in a rush this morning and I turn round and she has put it on and trying to zip it up, saying she wants to be the same and look like a ballerina too. I pretended I couldn't zip it up and that it was broken then said let's put this one on instead. She just started to cry and refused to take it off, I was already late as it is and couldn't keep fighting her with it so we just left and I took her to school with it on.

The whole way I felt so guilty and sad like I stole something, I felt so wrong for it.

I won't put it on her again for school, I'll hide it from now on unless we go anywhere else but to the school.

But I'm so nervous, I didn't see the woman this morning at drop off but I may at pick up. I feel so guilty omg.

OP posts:
MermaidEyes · 20/10/2023 09:19

Just wait until secondary when your child is turning up in the same Nike/Adidas/Superdry coat as 2000 other students 😂

EveryBlinkingDay · 20/10/2023 09:19

Beyond the issue of whether it was ok for her to wear it or not I think you need to have a think about the fact that it's ok for children to learn to cope with the word 'no'. Coping with disappointment is a key life skill; it helps build resilience. This is a tiny example and she is young but remember that it's ok to set boundaries and she will learn from that. You are the parent here.

ru53 · 20/10/2023 09:21

I’m sorry you’ve got ptsd to deal with. A way to take the stress out of a situation like this in the future could be to just have the conversation with the other mum. ‘Oh I bought the same coat for my daughter I hope you don’t mind’.

Twentypastfour · 20/10/2023 09:22

a) it’s not a big deal. If you see the Mum comment on it “I hope you don’t mind, your daughter just looked so sweet and I couldn’t help myself”

b) stop telling weird lies to your daughter. Of course she tried to put it on - she could see it wasn’t “broken” etc. If you don’t want her to wear it to nursery just tell her it’s a coat for home days not for nursery because it’s special and you don’t want it to get confused with her friend’s coat.

Leah5678 · 20/10/2023 09:22

If the other mum didn't want your daughter to turn up in it she wouldn't of told you where she got it. Let your daughter have a matching coat with her friend. Who cares if anyone thinks you "copied them"? This isn't high school

MatildaonMain · 20/10/2023 09:23

It is absolutely fine for your child to have the same coat as another child. You haven’t stolen anything. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

Anyone making a fuss about another parent buying the same coat for their child as they did is unhinged.

TheNoodlesIncident · 20/10/2023 09:23

I have a blouse I'd never worn because my sister bought the same blouse and I didn't want to turn up somewhere in the same item. Years and years... it's daft so I've started wearing it and also a coat I know she has the same one of, because I've now got to the stage in life where I just don't care what people think.

You're overthinking this in the same sort of way. Honestly, nobody cares and as PP have said, the other mum will be kind of expecting your DD to have it now because you liked it enough to ask where she'd got it from.

Both you and your DD clearly really like the coat, and your daughter will only fit into it for such a relatively short time in her life, so let her wear it and get the enjoyment out of having a lovely coat while you can. (And yes, make sure you label it clearly with her name so the coats don't get mixed up!)

Cosycardigans · 20/10/2023 09:24

You're just going to give your child your anxiety, acting all anxious and silly over a coat. The kids don't care, why would another mum.

DappledThings · 20/10/2023 09:24

MatildaonMain · 20/10/2023 09:23

It is absolutely fine for your child to have the same coat as another child. You haven’t stolen anything. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

Anyone making a fuss about another parent buying the same coat for their child as they did is unhinged.

This. If someone asked me about an item of my child's clothing I'd be fully expecting them to be buying it too. Why else would they be asking where it was from?

lenoap · 20/10/2023 09:25

@Sophie1029734 I would feel exactly the same! I doubt the other person will care though. They’ll have a thousand other things on their mind! Plus, it’s really a compliment isn’t it.

littleripper · 20/10/2023 09:26

You aren't arriving as a wedding guest in your wedding dress! What a fuss over nothing, the other girl will probably be delighted

Terfsichore · 20/10/2023 09:26

Aitah ?

Saschka · 20/10/2023 09:27

If the mum was bothered, she would say “oh it was a gift”, or “it was in the sale, not sure they still sell it” or something.

If she happily told you it was from John Lewis or Jojo or wherever, she isn’t bothered if your daughter is wearing the same coat as hers.

Worried234 · 20/10/2023 09:28

Am I The Asshole Here

🙄

UsernameNotAvailableIsNotAvailableEither · 20/10/2023 09:28

This is rather shallow OP. It’s a small child’s coat FFS, not turning up to a wedding in the same dress as the bride.

frenchnoodle · 20/10/2023 09:29

"This is not a nursery coat, it's a coat for home"

HattieIou · 20/10/2023 09:30

If you overthink the way you do, have a little word with the mum and say I had no intention of her wearing it for school but she's obsessed with it, do you mind if she wears it. The Mum will say oh my god don't be daft it's totally fine, job done.

AutumnLeaves333 · 20/10/2023 09:31

You are really overthinking thisz Just let her wear it, if the other mum is upset about it she is a bit weird. When you see her just tell her you loved it so much you bought your dd one too, now they are matchy.. how cute!

BeardieWeirdie · 20/10/2023 09:31

I mean this kindly not snarky - you shouldn’t live your life being so stressed about something so insignificant, and I imagine you must be anxious over many other things too. My husband is a cognitive behaviour therapist - please seek some help so that you can live more freely. Your fear and anxiety is affecting your daughter. Don’t let her grow up thinking this level of worry is normal - and let her wear and enjoy her beautiful coat before it’s outgrown.

MargotBamborough · 20/10/2023 09:31

Huh? What?

Just write your daughter's name in the coat and let her wear it.

clpsmum · 20/10/2023 09:33

Plumful · 20/10/2023 09:06

Get a grip!!!!

This! It's a coat 🙄

wineosaurus4 · 20/10/2023 09:33

Can we see the coat? I'm intrigued to see how fancy and unusual it is.. and I might get my daughter one Grin

OlderandwiserMaybe · 20/10/2023 09:33

I mean this kindly if you are struggling mentally..... but Seriously what behaviours are you teaching your daughter here - obsessing over a piece of clothing - lying..... getting stressed over what others may think, Give your head a wobble.

clpsmum · 20/10/2023 09:34

SerpentEndBench · 20/10/2023 09:07

I don't like how AITA has been imported from elsewhere but in this instance, yes you are and weird to boot.

What is AITA? Sorry if I'm being thick lol

Stopsnowing · 20/10/2023 09:34

Just make sure the coat is clearly labelled so they don’t get mixed up. Of course she can wear it to nursery!