Asked a mum where she got her kids coat from. Mine turns up in the same one. Aitah?

[Sophie1029734]

Hi all so they are in nursery. I saw a little girl in their class with a gorges coat on, I asked where it was from and she tells me. Its not a known site, quite a unique coat and stands out a lot. Anyway I got it for lo with no intention of my little girl wearing it to school, was just when we went shopping etc as I didn't want to take the light away from something she found.

I've been telling my little girl it's broke or dirty which is why she can't wear it to school. We were in a rush this morning and I turn round and she has put it on and trying to zip it up, saying she wants to be the same and look like a ballerina too. I pretended I couldn't zip it up and that it was broken then said let's put this one on instead. She just started to cry and refused to take it off, I was already late as it is and couldn't keep fighting her with it so we just left and I took her to school with it on.

The whole way I felt so guilty and sad like I stole something, I felt so wrong for it.

I won't put it on her again for school, I'll hide it from now on unless we go anywhere else but to the school.

But I'm so nervous, I didn't see the woman this morning at drop off but I may at pick up. I feel so guilty omg.

AITA was around before AIBU. It’s already an ‘import’.

You are being silly. Just label your child's coat and let her wear and enjoy it.

They're children no one is going to care.

Why would someone be upset at two children wearing the same coat? I assume they both have their names in them? If you were going to have a problem with it then you should not have bought the coat. You should not lie to, or be upsetting your child over it.

I mean this gently, but if you are this concerned about pleasing others then therapy would be helpful. At the moment you are putting huge amounts of unnecessary stress and thought into something most people would not care about at all.

You are also risking putting your fear of other people’s reactions ahead of your own child’s wishes. The coat is a small thing in itself, but you don’t want to raise your daughter to feel she comes second to random strangers/acquaintances, or to pick up on your desperate need to please and adopt the same approach.

So don’t worry about the coat, but do think about what you want for the future.

I get it OP, some people are really precious about such things. Especially if it's from somewhere less mainstream. You're not unreasonable for thinking the other mom might be unhappy. I do agree with others though that it's a silly thing for her to get upset about!
Also agree you don't need to make up excuses to your child. "I know Amy has one just like it, but this is YOUR home/shop coat and we do not wear it to nursery." End of. She might have a tantrum a couple of times but learning to take no for an answer is a good thing.

Imitation is the soncrest form of flattery.

Let your little girl wear her coat.
And stick her name in the back.

I thought it was the name of the coat designer.
Seriously OP I really wouldn’t worry. It actually confirms to the other Mother how lovely the coat is !

In other news, Israel and Palestine are at war.

Unless it was an outfit for the met ball or something someone asked me where I bought something I'd assume it is because they want to buy one too, not because they want to give me an opportunity to bask in the 'light' of my unique purchase.

This. Totally weird.

You seem to care more about some random school mum’s feelings than your own daughter’s. ☹️

Stop insulting your dds intelligence with silly lies to manipulate her.

Sorry if that’s blunt but your mental health issues appear to be colouring your judgement quite severely.

Are you going to approach this indifferently now? What do you think is the best way to proceed?

I do get the worrying and people pleasing when you're an anxious person but seriously, you bought your child the coat because you loved it. Just own it.

In the extremely unlikely event that the other mum made a comment just tell her straight that your daughter loved the coat. End of. Don't pass your people pleasing onto your daughter.

In reality the other mum will not give a shit.

Well, it’s just a cost so who cares but….Who’s the parent here? You TELL her the coat isn’t a school coat, it doesn’t matter what her little pals are doing. God help you if you’re struggling with this, she’s going to see kids doing / having a million thing she’s can’t, are you going to cave every time as to not upset her? One way of raising a brat.

Oh my god. No one is going to care.

Are you sure? Wikipedia says Reddit launched AITA in 2013. AIBU is definitely older than that. It was here when I started reading this site in 2009ish.

This really! Come on, grow up. The only reason I wouldn’t want to take it to nursery is in case it got mixed up with the other girl’s. The other mum most probably won’t give a toss.

Thanks for this message. I really worry about upsetting anyone and always try to keep peace and avoid conflict. If people dislike me that's okay, but if it's because I've upset someone then that upsets me? I relise how insignificant it is, if it was reversed I'd find it really sweet that they were matching, but I always think about how others may not feel the same way and think of every outcome to avoid conflict. I don't think I relised the extent of this until its been pointed out. I'm going to a councelor to talk so I'm gonna bring this very issue up and mention that even with it being so minor, it really made me feel a horrible pit in my stupid and quite stressed.

Pointless buying it if she can't wear it..tbh I think it's strange you did buy it I had a mate like that would litrally but everything I did in a diff colour or shade but distinctive shit fucking weird

There are quite often posts on here where someone's gone to the trouble of finding something unusual, been copied, and found it annoying. I think you'll get away with it as a one-off but try to find your own style for you and DD in future rather than copying others.

Also make sure your DD's coat is named!

I am always amazed by the sheer volume of things fathers/men do not appear to get their brains occupied by when a sizeable proportion of mothers apparently do. This is an extreme example here but I’m also thinking all of the drama around parties, WhatsApp groups, PTA, school gates, cliques, Christmas - that mothers and women largely hold in their brain cells year on year whilst a much larger proportion of the bepenised parents have all that space free.

I really worry about upsetting anyone and always try to keep peace and avoid conflict. If people dislike me that's okay, but if it's because I've upset someone then that upsets me?

But this is upsetting your child, who is more important than a classmate's parent.

I like it

It's okay, thank you for pointing it out and makeing see it in a different light.
I'm just going to let her wear it now. she calls it her ballerina coat and likes to spin around in it as its like a dress, it makes her feel pretty. She's happy and mentions to me her friends got the ballerina coat too. I'll also mention it to the mum when I see her and hope nothing bad comes from it

Style? They are 3 or 4 year old children, not adults going to a wedding!