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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked a mum where she got her kids coat from. Mine turns up in the same one. Aitah?

321 replies

Sophie1029734 · 20/10/2023 09:03

Hi all so they are in nursery. I saw a little girl in their class with a gorges coat on, I asked where it was from and she tells me. Its not a known site, quite a unique coat and stands out a lot. Anyway I got it for lo with no intention of my little girl wearing it to school, was just when we went shopping etc as I didn't want to take the light away from something she found.

I've been telling my little girl it's broke or dirty which is why she can't wear it to school. We were in a rush this morning and I turn round and she has put it on and trying to zip it up, saying she wants to be the same and look like a ballerina too. I pretended I couldn't zip it up and that it was broken then said let's put this one on instead. She just started to cry and refused to take it off, I was already late as it is and couldn't keep fighting her with it so we just left and I took her to school with it on.

The whole way I felt so guilty and sad like I stole something, I felt so wrong for it.

I won't put it on her again for school, I'll hide it from now on unless we go anywhere else but to the school.

But I'm so nervous, I didn't see the woman this morning at drop off but I may at pick up. I feel so guilty omg.

OP posts:
Mommabearof8 · 21/10/2023 13:22

😂😂

Flimflammy · 21/10/2023 13:23

My DS turned up to nursery in the same coat as two other children. What can I say, Lidl’s is cheap and good quality. The kids don’t care, the parents don’t care.

Please don’t stress about this. X

Mumof3children · 21/10/2023 13:30

Basically you are putting another woman’s POSSIBLE feelings over your daughter’s and lying to your child in the process. Think carefully about the message you are giving your daughter.
If you are so worried about other people’s POSSIBLE feelings you shouldn’t have asked her where she got the coat.

Humblebottomous · 21/10/2023 13:49

Just make sure it’s clearly labelled so they don’t get muddled up.

beeswaxinc · 21/10/2023 14:13

I'm sad for your DD. You asked the mum where she got the coat from it's very obvious you want to buy the same and there's nothing wrong with that!!

It's her special coat and you're depriving her of it for no good reason :(

Just label it clearly with here name so there are no mix ups and nursery and crack on :)

TastesLikeStrawberriesOnASummerEvening · 21/10/2023 14:51

Littlemisslaughalot · 21/10/2023 13:22

@funinthesun19 @Sophie1029734 exactly what I'm thinking, you're crying over guilt because of how a stranger might feel yet are lying to your daughter daily!? I think you need to have a firm word with yourself!! I know several over thinkers bit this one wins an award!!!

I'm a bit of an over thinker but I'm not actually insane!
I recall one year when Dd was about 6 and half the kids in her class had the same coat, it was practical, warm and really good value.
All of us parents just clearly labelled them and that was that.

AnneValentine · 21/10/2023 15:17

You got your daughter a coat and won’t let her wear it? If I was the other mum and saw this I would avoid you at all costs.

Montegufoni2017 · 21/10/2023 15:40

Are you actually serious? Lying to your daughter and letting her be upset thinking her new coat is broke because someone you hardly know may also be wearing the coat and you might see them. Huh?! This is very anxiety driven behaviour. I can’t see your thought process here at all, it’s quite irrational.

asterel · 21/10/2023 15:56

This is a non-issue. Kids that age love to match their friends and have the same things. The other mum will be flattered you admire her taste, and the girls will love having matching coats! Even in the remotest possibility that the other mum has her nose put slightly out of joint, who really cares that much about a little kid’s coat?

In the nicest possible way, you need to stop obsessing over things that really don’t matter. Flowers

unlimitedwallpaper · 21/10/2023 16:14

This is a piss take surely

Timeturnerplease · 21/10/2023 16:18

You’re clearly mental for buying such a nice coat for nursery in the first place. Always send them in stuff you’re happy to get covered in paint etc.

Emotionalsupportviper · 21/10/2023 16:34

For crying out loud!

Just let her wear her fecking coat.

Talk about a first world problem.

If the mum was worried about you coping her, she would have lied about where she got her DD's coat.

Unitedthebest · 21/10/2023 16:36

I genuinely wish this was something I had time to worry about 🙄

tennesseewhiskey1 · 21/10/2023 16:38

Wth?! 😂 I’ve seen it all now. Chill out OP.

LeonBlack · 21/10/2023 16:39

You copied someone else (no big deal) but now you’re being really weird about it. Telling your daughter her coat is ‘broken or dirty’ is peculiar. Let her wear the flipping coat.

3luckystars · 21/10/2023 16:43

CAN YOU SHARE A LINK TO THE COAT?

Mumoftwotoddlers · 21/10/2023 16:50

You're kidding right? You lied and upset your daughter because you don't want another parent to know you got the same item of clothing? Are you trying to teach your daughter that liking or having the same as someone else is something to be ashamed of?

That poor little girl, do better OP.

Flamingos89 · 21/10/2023 17:00

Copying is the biggest form of flattery!

sunnyseed · 21/10/2023 17:07

You shouldn’t have lied to you little girl. I can’t see the big issue with this be honest.

sunnyseed · 21/10/2023 17:08

*to be honest I mean

Baba197 · 21/10/2023 17:20

If you are that worried you could’ve asked the mum if she would mind you buying the same for your daughter as you love it so much- hardly likely to say she does mind. If it’s an issue put it away during the week and tell dd it’s a weekend only coat cos you don’t want it getting ruined at nursery and move on

Jellytot1234 · 21/10/2023 17:32

How confusing for your small child- whom you’re supposed to be guiding and teaching the ways of the world to be blatantly lying to her about a coat purely because of your own anxiety and worry. You bought her the coat, why on earth would you think your small child wouldn’t want to wear it! 👀😂

Dontcallmescarface · 21/10/2023 17:36

Well if you're in the UK chances are that when your child gets to primary school she'll be wearing the exact same jumper/skirt/trousers as everyone else so think of it a a practice run with the coat.

Sj07 · 21/10/2023 17:43

It sounds like you are an over thinker or perhaps a bit anxious, I really wouldn't stress about this. I'm sure the coat is gorgeous, the other mum happily told you where she had got it, if you see the mum just say to her I hope you don't mind (decent people wouldn't anyway) but my daughter and I love your little girls coat I've picked one up for her thanks so much for letting me know where you got it from. No idea why so many replies on here are so rude, calling you weird. People are far too comfortable mouthing off from behind a phone.. Lovely folk.

jolies1 · 21/10/2023 18:02

Mum won’t care. But next time to avoid feeling awkward if you’re anxious about things like this just say “DD is absolutely in love with (daughters) coat. Would you mind if I bought her one?” If mum is a normal person she will say “of course, that’s sweet, it’s from x shop/site.” I’ve never met a parent who cared about their kids matching unless it’s belongings getting mixed up.