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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming?

179 replies

thereforthegrace · 19/10/2023 18:57

My daughter plays with a girl round the corner from us. I trust her mum and my daughter has been on holiday with the girl (let’s call her Kelly). Today I was at work and my husband was working from home but had our daughter. Daughter is 9, 10 in march. Kelly has just turned 10.

As I’m driving home from work I pass Kelly’s mum in the car just near our houses. We wave. I get home and husband tells me that daughter is at Kelly’s house. I head round to Kelly’s house and her mums car is just pulling into her drive way.

The mum gets out the car and I say ‘is Kelly with you?’ She responds, ‘yeah I think they’re in the garden, I was just at the dump’. I just respond for her to get Kelly.

I am really very angry that she left my daughter in house alone with no adults and another 10 year old. Anything could have happened. My daughter says she wasn’t gone for long but says it happens often when she is there, the mum will go out to the shops etc.

I am going to write a text and right now I am too angry to word it nicely. Can anyone help with this? Also should I allow my daughter to play there again?

OP posts:
YellowRibbon710 · 19/10/2023 18:59

It's fine as long as it's a short trip and they are both sensible 10 year olds.

CesareBorgia · 19/10/2023 18:59

I'd have thought at 10 they could be left for short periods, but perhaps I'm just old.

Original poster
thereforthegrace · 19/10/2023 19:00

Without discussing with the other parent?

OP posts:
devildeepbluesea · 19/10/2023 19:00

I’m not really seeing the issue here.

DeliahSmilah · 19/10/2023 19:00

I think it's fine but we were left from much younger and used to walk to friends houses from 5ish

CarrickBends · 19/10/2023 19:00

surely this is normal at 10?

JesusHRooseveltChristAgain · 19/10/2023 19:00

I'd be ok with two 10 year olds left to play together for a short time.

ApolloandDaphne · 19/10/2023 19:01

I think it's fine. Someone was in at your house just round the corner and she wasn't out long.

JesusHRooseveltChristAgain · 19/10/2023 19:01

thereforthegrace · 19/10/2023 19:00

Without discussing with the other parent?

Yep.

ZekeZeke · 19/10/2023 19:01

Don't send a text.
If you don't want your daughter left unsupervised then keep her home.

SaracensMavericks · 19/10/2023 19:02

I'm with you OP, I don't think she should do this while caring for someone else's child.

McIntire · 19/10/2023 19:03

I don’t see the issue

Gerrataere · 19/10/2023 19:03

Unless the dump is 50 miles away I’m not sure it’s a huge issue. But I was left home alone from aged 6 so my experience is vastly different (and definitely not ok). If you must text I’d say ‘I’m not sure X is ready to be left without supervision yet so would you please give me or Dave a heads up in future so we can keep an eye or just bring her home? Much appreciated’.

SwingTheMonkey · 19/10/2023 19:04

I probably wouldn’t do it if my child had a friend over for fear of an angry message from an overprotective parent,
but don’t see a problem with it and leave my 10 year old regularly for short periods of time.

poetryandwine · 19/10/2023 19:04

How long was the mum gone, OP?

I am not British but for a trip of 30 min or so i also regard this as normal. That probably comes from the standards of my home country where children are encouraged to be independent snd know how to call emergency services.

TeenDivided · 19/10/2023 19:04

Between the ages of ~10-14 parents seem to have very differing views as to what is acceptable.

I wouldn't write an angry text. I'd have a calm discussion starting with 'I was a bit surprised you left the girls as we don't do that yet. Going forward I'd rather ....'

Things to discuss include at least

  • leaving on their own at the house
  • where allowed to go out of the house on their own
  • film and games age ratings
  • parental controls on internet
QuietDragon · 19/10/2023 19:04

This would be fine by me, but would like a heads up I guess.

I'm not seeing what the drama is?

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 19/10/2023 19:05

ott reaction

icelollycraving · 19/10/2023 19:07

I don’t think I’d leave 10 year olds without checking, if I’d invited them for a play date. If she invited herself without you arranging, I’d consider it ok as I’d assume it more casual.
My sister would have been fuming though, her dd wasn’t allowed to walk the 5 mins to me at 12!

NoRealChange · 19/10/2023 19:07

at this age, I would have let the other parent know. Amongst my kids’ friends, this was not usual play date supervision, when they were age 9. It depends on the ‘norm’ where you are, really.

poetryandwine · 19/10/2023 19:07

PS I agree that your family should be made aware in principle that the mum occasionally leaves for short periods of time, and agree to it (or not)

Cowlover89 · 19/10/2023 19:07

I think its fine

EarringsandLipstick · 19/10/2023 19:09

I think if you are neighbours and the girls are playing together, it's fine.

It's not a structured play date in the sense of inviting someone around, and having that responsibility of being in another house away from their home.

All that said, I'd be cautious of leaving children that young together in the house, just in case, and therefore would probably not do what the mum did.

But please don't send the angry text - or any text! In future you can tell your DD to come home, if you don't want her there without a parent. But you'll create such an unnecessary drama by texting, it's really not worth it.

RussianDoll777 · 19/10/2023 19:09

They’re 10, not 3

Hearmenow23 · 19/10/2023 19:10

I had dd's friend round year 6 and had to pop to shop. I texted the mum to ask if ok. Might have been ott but I couldn't have lived with myself if something had happened.