To be fuming?

[thereforthegrace]

My daughter plays with a girl round the corner from us. I trust her mum and my daughter has been on holiday with the girl (let’s call her Kelly). Today I was at work and my husband was working from home but had our daughter. Daughter is 9, 10 in march. Kelly has just turned 10.

As I’m driving home from work I pass Kelly’s mum in the car just near our houses. We wave. I get home and husband tells me that daughter is at Kelly’s house. I head round to Kelly’s house and her mums car is just pulling into her drive way.

The mum gets out the car and I say ‘is Kelly with you?’ She responds, ‘yeah I think they’re in the garden, I was just at the dump’. I just respond for her to get Kelly.

I am really very angry that she left my daughter in house alone with no adults and another 10 year old. Anything could have happened. My daughter says she wasn’t gone for long but says it happens often when she is there, the mum will go out to the shops etc.

I am going to write a text and right now I am too angry to word it nicely. Can anyone help with this? Also should I allow my daughter to play there again?

I'd be okay with it but would've checked with the other parent that they were okay with it too.
It's your decision, not hers to take for your child.

I wouldn’t leave my children til about aged 13

Blimey I was baby sitting for neighbours dc at that age!

Youve never allowed your 9/10 year old to play out with a friend?
Walk 10 minutes up the road on their own? Go to the park or local shop with her mates? Play in a garden a few doors down without a parent?

I think that’s infantilising them.

I’d expect to be able to leave them at 10 for up to half an hour without checking with another parent. I leave my 9yr old for up to an hour. I think you’re overreacting

I think you're overreacting. They're 10, not 2. They'll be in secondary next year and you won't even know half her friends never mind their parents. Unless she has special needs that mean she needs constant supervision, being left alone for an hour or so is a total non-event.

I'm shocked at most of these reactions.

Whether you would or would not leave your OWN 10 year old, it is unacceptable not to check about leaving someone else's child without an adult in the house.

You just needed to ask permission in quick text or phone call.

Christ my babysitter is 14 and she looks after 2 kids for several hours at a time! 13 is in secondary school. They should be travelling to and from school alone. Probably out with friends shopping etc on weekends. Preparing for adulthood. I think you’re massively babying them to not leave them alone at all until 13. Literally all their friends will be left and have been for years

It could be worse, OP. I used to let DCs play out at that age, and found out that my youngest had visited the local pub while playing with a friend (admittedly to buy sweets)!

Well you said you wouldn't leave a 13yo alone! Well above primary age. So I am surprised to see you have a 14yo. Do they not make their own way to school?

Did ‘Kelly’s’ mum know that you had her pegged as full time unpaid childcare?

It is unclear here if the mum had agreed to a play date or if OPs child had just invited herself round. If she had agreed to provide free childcare whilst OP and her DP were working then that is one thing. If OPs DD took herself round to her friends house (including if Kelly had turned up to fetch her ) then that is quite another.

I would not have a problem with it

I was sure this was going to be you suspecting Kelly's mum had just been round your house having sex with your dh! 😅Can't see a problem with leaving two ten year olds for ten minutes if they're fairly clued up.

OOh what a twist 🤣

I would say if two sensible girls and trip is day 15 mins then ok. An hour or more id say is too long. It would depend a lot on the girls tbh - if they are sensible and mature etc. If there are either younger kids or older boys present I’d say no. If you live nearby and the girls know the area well I’d be ok with it. Presumably there is a phone in the house and they know how to use it or what to do in an emergency. If your dd doesn’t know some basic steps for an emergency, ie call 999 or ring mum/dad ASAP it’s time you taught her as she will be a teen fairly soon! I used to have a pager about that age which was quite good as I could page my mum whenever. Downside of phones is all the other non-phone stuff they offer! We didn’t have that issue with pagers! You could give her an old mobile phone with your number saved for emergencies if she doesn’t have a phone? X

yabu. It's fine

Yeah. I would have asked but if I hadn’t been asked I certainly wouldn’t be fuming

Nothing happened. It's fine.

You need to chill out. What do you think is going to happen if you leave a 10yr old for ten mins?

What a fuss, how to rear another generation of snowflakes!

Just a say to your daughter that she is not allowed at Kelly’s house unless a parent is there. Tell her she has to come home if the parent goes off somewhere.

It certainly is NOT fine when you are responsible for someone else's child! I'd be furious!

I was left alone at that age, it's not a big deal unless the child has a particular need for supervision.

When your child is with someone else, they typically take care of them to their own standards.

She would be in more danger by walking home, especially without telling an adult, than just staying in a house!

Wtf? Everyone saying it's fine... no it's not fine! Do what you wish with your own child but NOT someone else's child who has been left in your care!