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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming?

179 replies

thereforthegrace · 19/10/2023 18:57

My daughter plays with a girl round the corner from us. I trust her mum and my daughter has been on holiday with the girl (let’s call her Kelly). Today I was at work and my husband was working from home but had our daughter. Daughter is 9, 10 in march. Kelly has just turned 10.

As I’m driving home from work I pass Kelly’s mum in the car just near our houses. We wave. I get home and husband tells me that daughter is at Kelly’s house. I head round to Kelly’s house and her mums car is just pulling into her drive way.

The mum gets out the car and I say ‘is Kelly with you?’ She responds, ‘yeah I think they’re in the garden, I was just at the dump’. I just respond for her to get Kelly.

I am really very angry that she left my daughter in house alone with no adults and another 10 year old. Anything could have happened. My daughter says she wasn’t gone for long but says it happens often when she is there, the mum will go out to the shops etc.

I am going to write a text and right now I am too angry to word it nicely. Can anyone help with this? Also should I allow my daughter to play there again?

OP posts:
Lovemusic82 · 19/10/2023 19:37

What do you think could have happened?

I think you are over reacting, I’m sure 2 sensible ten year olds would be fine left alone for half an hour?

MsRosley · 19/10/2023 19:39

Another one who feels you're over-reacting, OP.

MondayBags678 · 19/10/2023 19:39

i wouldn’t send a text, personally I don’t see a problem with it.
but if you do ,
then don’t allow your dd around , if you don’t trust her to be there alone if the mum pops out etc

Nicknacky · 19/10/2023 19:39

zurala · 19/10/2023 19:12

I'm shocked at the responses on here! I wouldn't leave my children till about age 13, and I wouldn't leave someone else's child at all. If there's a playdate then I would be in.
I can't believe people would leave 10 year olds alone, let alone leave someone else's!

What age are your child/children?

I let my 9 year old out to play with her friends. I think that’s generally quite normal by that age. She doesn’t walk to school only because we live too far away from the school.

Hesma · 19/10/2023 19:39

They’re 10!!! I take it she’s an only child 🙄

NotAllowed · 19/10/2023 19:39

My parents left me home alone for the evening with money for a take away at 10 while they went out for dinner and I survived. I don’t get the panic stricken, risk averse, smothering parenting. It’s not good for the kids and it’s not good for you. Relax.

felisha54 · 19/10/2023 19:41

They’re 10!!! I take it she’s an only child 🙄 @Hesma

Rude. What's only child got to do with it. I've one child and she's been staying home alone since she was 5.

TellySavalashairbrush · 19/10/2023 19:42

you are being over the top and your dd is likely to lose the friendship if you send a narky text. Don’t send her round there again if it worries you that much.

edwinbear · 19/10/2023 19:43

DD was walking herself to and from school age 10. It’s about a 10 min walk in SE London. I’d not be bothered about two 10 year olds being left at home for 30mins. I certainly wouldn’t be fuming about it.

DistrictAndCircle · 19/10/2023 19:43

When I was that age my parents specifically left me with another child of the same age, for entire days in the school holidays, so that all the parents could go to work.

The lack of discussion with you is potentially problematic, but the principle of two ten year olds being left alone for a while isn’t an issue to me at all. They’re not 5.

dawngreen · 19/10/2023 19:43

If I had the kids I would prefer them to stay in the house, with the door locked until I arrived back home. But thinking of when I was 7 I was allowed to walk to the shop across a small road. But my family could watch my route from the bedroom. I think it depends a bit on the area too.

Deadringer · 19/10/2023 19:44

I agree with you op, I might leave my own child at that age, but not someone else's.

Imreallytiredandanxioustoday · 19/10/2023 19:45

My DD is 10 and I'd leave her and a friend to nip for a quick errand. Probably up to an hour

Takacupokindnessyet · 19/10/2023 19:45

Is it an organised play date or are they allowed out to play and end up at hers?

clary · 19/10/2023 19:45

I think it's OK but I might have texted to let you know @thereforthegrace

But it's fine IMO to leave two 10yos (or so) playing.

@zurala how old are your DC? If threy are very young, you may change your mind. You should know that there is basically no after-school care for secondary-age DC in the UK and they are expected to go to and from secondary under their own steam - being at home for 30 mins while you go for some milk is a lot more low-key tbh.

Moveoverdarlin · 19/10/2023 19:45

Yeah I wouldn’t be happy either. 10 is too young. Fair enough if she’s happy to nip out, that’s her look out, but not when you’re caring for someone else’s child.

SauvignonBlanche · 19/10/2023 19:47

10? I don’t see the problem at all.

MikeRafone · 19/10/2023 19:47

zurala · 19/10/2023 19:12

I'm shocked at the responses on here! I wouldn't leave my children till about age 13, and I wouldn't leave someone else's child at all. If there's a playdate then I would be in.
I can't believe people would leave 10 year olds alone, let alone leave someone else's!

Most 11/12 year old are making their own way to and from school here - how is that going to work if your child can’t be alone?

Josephinehetty · 19/10/2023 19:48

Yes - we were left all summer holidays at a much younger age

Daleksatemyshed · 19/10/2023 19:48

So don't let your DD go there again but it seems a shame to spoil her friendship. If you text her DM and complain she probably won't invite her again

Crunchymum · 19/10/2023 19:49

Sending a shitty message is a sure fire way to ensure your DD is never invited round again.

I assume you benefit from your DD being there? (Given both yourself and your DH were working) if you aren't happy with the parameters then you need to keep DD home.

AuntMarch · 19/10/2023 19:49

Do they play "out", at the park say, unsupervised? If so then I'd not see it as any different.

I still wouldn't make that choice on your behalf if I was Kelly's mum, and would probably text you/dad just to let you know I was popping out so girls would be calling you if they needed to.. but don't think it warrants "fuming".

estimate · 19/10/2023 19:52

Honestly, this wouldn't bother me.

Sapphire387 · 19/10/2023 19:52

If you're uncomfortable with it, then you need to let your daughter know that if she drops round to Kelly's and her mum goes out, she is to come home. No need to make a massive drama.

schoolsoutforever · 19/10/2023 19:53

But she was she looking after your daughter officially? I Might have got the wrong end of the stick? Had your husband asked her to watch your daughter OR had your daughter just popped over? I think they are different scenarios. Either way, I think it mountains and molehills. I guess I might not have done this if I was officially in charge of a child but if they turned up for a play unannounced then it’s not really my responsibility.