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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming?

179 replies

thereforthegrace · 19/10/2023 18:57

My daughter plays with a girl round the corner from us. I trust her mum and my daughter has been on holiday with the girl (let’s call her Kelly). Today I was at work and my husband was working from home but had our daughter. Daughter is 9, 10 in march. Kelly has just turned 10.

As I’m driving home from work I pass Kelly’s mum in the car just near our houses. We wave. I get home and husband tells me that daughter is at Kelly’s house. I head round to Kelly’s house and her mums car is just pulling into her drive way.

The mum gets out the car and I say ‘is Kelly with you?’ She responds, ‘yeah I think they’re in the garden, I was just at the dump’. I just respond for her to get Kelly.

I am really very angry that she left my daughter in house alone with no adults and another 10 year old. Anything could have happened. My daughter says she wasn’t gone for long but says it happens often when she is there, the mum will go out to the shops etc.

I am going to write a text and right now I am too angry to word it nicely. Can anyone help with this? Also should I allow my daughter to play there again?

OP posts:
zurala · 19/10/2023 19:12

I'm shocked at the responses on here! I wouldn't leave my children till about age 13, and I wouldn't leave someone else's child at all. If there's a playdate then I would be in.
I can't believe people would leave 10 year olds alone, let alone leave someone else's!

Universalsnail · 19/10/2023 19:12

I think it's fine to leave two 10 year olds in a house together with out an adult for a small amount of time although she should have probably checked with you you were fine with it before she left.

Cumbrianlife · 19/10/2023 19:13

Aged ten I expected DC to start to walk to school and back in preparation for the much longer walk to secondary. Leaving them for ten minutes in the garden wouldn't have bothered me at all.

OhNoForever · 19/10/2023 19:14

That's completely normal. If you send a text you're gonna sound nuts.

Bigminnie1 · 19/10/2023 19:14

She should definitely have asked you if it was ok.

boredfuckinsenseless · 19/10/2023 19:14

At 10 I would be expecting kids to be, depending on where you live, out playing,catching a bus to town, riding bikes, so kids indoors playing for a short period would be a complete non event.
Unless a drip feed is coming about additional needs.
I would , unclench, sleep on it. If you still don't want it, tell your DD she's not allowed to go there. until she is 21

Forgotmylogindetails · 19/10/2023 19:15

I always check with my youngest friends mums (12) if I’m going to leave them home alone even if it’s for 15 minutes.

saying that I wouldn’t be worried if they didn’t do the same.

think your over reacting a little , mine have been left alone at 10 plenty of times.

momtoboys · 19/10/2023 19:15

I think two reasonable 10 year old's can be left together, during the day, for short periods of time.

Mummy08m · 19/10/2023 19:18

Whether you think it's right or wrong - if you text the mum in this way you could seriously harm your dd's friendship with the neighbour. Not worth it.

If I were you I'd just have a word with your dd, coach her through what to do in various scenarios

BigMandsTattooPortfolio · 19/10/2023 19:19

I wouldn’t send the text while you’re fuming.

DeliahSmilah · 19/10/2023 19:19

zurala · 19/10/2023 19:12

I'm shocked at the responses on here! I wouldn't leave my children till about age 13, and I wouldn't leave someone else's child at all. If there's a playdate then I would be in.
I can't believe people would leave 10 year olds alone, let alone leave someone else's!

13! They're walking to and from senior school from 11 I'm sure they'd be fine to be left in a house.

QuietDragon · 19/10/2023 19:19

I can't believe people would leave 10 year olds alone, let alone leave someone else's!

My 10yo walks home alone a few days a week and let's herself in. She's alone until I get home for about 30mins-1hr.

How do these children cope in secondary school?? You have to start building up their independence at some point surely?

BigMandsTattooPortfolio · 19/10/2023 19:20

At 13 I was babysitting my little sister, 8 while my parents went out for the evening.

Itwasamemoment · 19/10/2023 19:20

I definitely left my children at that age for short trips to local shop ,collecting siblings from clubs etc.
I don’t think it would have occurred to me to let the parent know.

Sirzy · 19/10/2023 19:21

Does she make her own way to and from her friends house? To me that would be the key factor. If accompanied I would assume parents aren’t happy for her to be alone.

Mamai90 · 19/10/2023 19:22

They are a year off secondary school where they tend to have a lot more independence. I wouldn't leave them for long periods of time but 30 mins is absolutely fine if they are sensible.

sprigatito · 19/10/2023 19:22

I would have left my own 10ths for very short periods - popping to the corner shop, no longer than that. I certainly wouldn't have left someone else's 9yo, particularly without the parents' knowledge. That seems crazy to me, and I am a fairly laid-back parent.

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 19/10/2023 19:24

zurala · 19/10/2023 19:12

I'm shocked at the responses on here! I wouldn't leave my children till about age 13, and I wouldn't leave someone else's child at all. If there's a playdate then I would be in.
I can't believe people would leave 10 year olds alone, let alone leave someone else's!

THIRTEEN?! Good god

Forgotmylogindetails · 19/10/2023 19:25

I’m shocked there are people who don’t leave their kids at 13 ?

sep135 · 19/10/2023 19:25

My son caught the tube on his own at 10. Leaving two together at home wouldn't be an issue for me.

Daphnis156 · 19/10/2023 19:26

Are you a helicopter Mum?

Ease up a bit. Don't send texts. Calm down.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 19/10/2023 19:26

What country are you in op? Just with you saying "dump" instead of "tip" and your reaction to this I'm getting US vibes although I could be way off? Where I live in the NW of England no one would bat an eyelid at two 10 year old playing alone together at home for a bit. Say something to her if you want but keep it polite not confrontational just along the lines of - I may sound over protective but I'm not ready for my child to have unsupervised play at someone else's house yet, in future could you let me know please if you need to go out so I can collect her?
Fwiw at age 10 I was roaming the streets for hours with my friends, coming and going between each others houses, the shops and the park. With no mobile phone.

Newmumatlast · 19/10/2023 19:28

I very much agree. I wouldn't send the text but I wouldn't be having playdates there again.

Newmumatlast · 19/10/2023 19:31

I walked with friends from around 10 a very short walk and wasn't left home alone at all nor did I have to let myself in. I'm very independent now and so I dont think having a parent who is concerned about safety necessarily correlates to a child who isn't independent.

CarolDunne · 19/10/2023 19:32

Failing to see the issue here

We leave our 9 year old for an hour. He know ls how-to use the phone if something goes wrong. Or what neighbours doors to knock on

He cycles 3km to and from school by himself .
There is no way I am bring up one of these incompetent adults who need their mums to deali g with all of life's little problems

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