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Original poster

Dinner with friends predicament...

349 replies

alwaysstrivingforinnerpeace · 19/10/2023 12:30

Rather than asking if I'm being unreasonable, I think I'd just like some honest advice please!
For my birthday my employer gifted me a voucher for an expensive restaurant in my local town. The voucher was for £300 and to be honest, at that restaurant, you could easily spend that on dinner for two once you've had a few cocktails and a bottle of wine!
Me and my partner don't get to go out much - we rarely have a babysitter and not a lot of spare cash to be dining out together, especially somewhere like that!
We had friends round a few weeks ago and I told them about my voucher and after a few wines thought it would be a great idea to invite my friend and her girlfriend to join us. They have no kids so a lot more spare cash than us, so dining out is a weekly thing for them.
I'm a real over-thinker and as the date is approaching I'm starting to worry.
When the bill arrives how would you expect to split in? Would you put the voucher in then split the remainder between the two couples? Would you put the voucher in then expect them to pay the rest of the bill? The closer it gets the more anxious I'm getting. I don't want to upset our friends but also can't really afford to fork out loads on the night.
What do you think? What would you do? I'm regretting inviting them now but I know uninviting them isn't an option!
Please help!

OP posts:
Jewelspun · 19/10/2023 14:32

Flog the £300 voucher for £275 and then go to your local cheaper Chinese/Indian restaurant with your chums and spend the rest of the money on stocking up your fridge and freezer.

mrlistersgelfbride · 19/10/2023 14:33

This totally sounds like something I'd do!

I think the best option is to text them saying you need to cancel explaining your reasons why, you were a bit drunk the other night and didn't think it through regarding the cost, £300 will not cover the 4 of you.
Real friends will understand. You can either arrange something else with them another time, or who knows they might say 'we were expecting to pay anyway/we will make up the rest of the bill'

lightpineapple · 19/10/2023 14:36

I would just tell a white lie and say you didn't realise the voucher is actually to cover a menu for two people

Apologies for the confusion and organise to go somewhere else (and split the bill as normal)

I can see how you'd get carried away and invite people you like without really thinking it through, especially after some wine @2Rebecca !

lightpineapple · 19/10/2023 14:38

I also think it's a little bit cheeky to accept a free meal in this context, unless they specifically thought it was to cover four guests at one time so they weren't actually "taking" anything from your gift...

MikeRafone · 19/10/2023 14:40

I would just text your friend before hand and say

Really looking forward to seeing you on X night.
Just so we are transparent before this lovely meal, the voucher is a birthday present to me therefore once dp and me have reached £300 we are intending to only pay for any extras we have consumed, I didn't want any confusion spoiling the evening & that you are aware we will not be splitting the bill.. Can't wait to catch up with you, see you there.

It makes it clear from now that is what you intend to do and if they don't accept that, they have the opportunity to make their excuses and not attend.

Iknowthis1 · 19/10/2023 14:40

Put in the voucher and split the rest or cancel the dinner.

mysocksarehaunted · 19/10/2023 14:42

Not sure if I'm missing something, but if you won a voucher then told them and then in that context invited them out, might they not think you are intending to cover the entire bill? I think a lot of people would to be honest. It could cause awkwardness all round to start saying, you pay this, I'll pay that. Not saying they are entitled to that or anything, I can just see it might cause bad feeling. I'd do what several others have suggested: make excuses and cancel then go with just your partner at a later date, then do something as a four somewhere less swish. It was gift to you and and as you say, you and your partner don't get out much but your friends regularly dine out anyway.

amylou8 · 19/10/2023 14:47

I'd cancel with some excuse then rebook with just hubby on the quiet. If you do go with them then I think you need to put the voucher in the kitty and spilt the rest 4 ways.

Dilligafat · 19/10/2023 14:47

BMW6 · 19/10/2023 12:41

It's your birthday present so I think the £300 covers all your share and the rest if the bill gets split 3 ways - your partner and your 2 friends.

That way you benefit mainly, as you should, but the other 3 also gain some equally.

This.
Sort it out before you go, to avoid confusion on the night. Be up front and prepared to cancel and go without them if they don't like it.
Hi x, really looking forward to our night out. I realise we should probably have talked about spending the voucher. My plan is that I'll throw it in to help with the bill and then you two and DP split the outstanding balance between you. That way it pays for my birthday meal and gives you three a discount.

LaurieStrode · 19/10/2023 14:49

Of course they are expecting OP to cover the bill with her voucher; that's how the entire conversation about that restaurant was started. You can't backpedal now and apply it only to your meal.

I'd cancel on some pretext and just let the topic fade away. Tell them a family matter came up, or you misread the terms of the voucher, or your boss hinted that you should take HER to the restaurant, or something. It may be that they are experiencing similar qualms "How drunk were we? Did she mean she'd pay or are we on the hook for that expensive meal? I wish it had never come up..."

But if you must proceed, you have to cover the bill with the voucher and then split the rest. You can't get off without paying anything after enticing them to come with talk of the voucher.

So example:

Dinner for four 500
Voucher 300
-----
Balance 200/4 people = 50 per person

nibblessquibbles · 19/10/2023 14:50

I'd second the option of just being really upfront about it. Drop a text and say that you've got £300 voucher and so you need that to cover your share as you don't have much spare cash atm and anything over can be a contribution for them. Maybe also say that you absolutely understand if they want to switch restaurants if it's a bit expensive/take a rain check

LaurieStrode · 19/10/2023 14:50

And no, they shouldn't be expected to cover any of your meal, birthday or not. That's just grim. Split the remaining tab by couple or by four persons.

DilemmaDelilah · 19/10/2023 14:51

Good idea to talk to your friends about it. I would be worried that they would think the voucher would cover the total cost for everbody, so best to get it all cleared up before you go.

Thundercnut · 19/10/2023 14:51

I'm another one who would cancel for some spurious reason, then let it drift, then go just with my partner.

Pugdays · 19/10/2023 14:52

Just cancel it
Go with your husband

SoOpenitsbrainshavefallenout · 19/10/2023 14:53

If I was invited I’d expect the voucher to come off the whole bill, and then the difference shared. I would text friends in advance regarding any decision I’d made. Then stick to it. Don’t leave it to faff around in embarrassment in the restaurant .
it will also give them time to realise they’re busy that evening if they don’t like the arrangement

GlitteryGreen · 19/10/2023 14:56

Thedm · 19/10/2023 12:48

Cancel the dinner. Tell them you can’t go. Then use the voucher with your partner and tell them you had to use it before it expired if they mention it again. If they don’t, then you don’t bring it up either.

I'd do this.

Notmetoo · 19/10/2023 14:58

Given that you invited them I think they will be assuming that you will share the voucher. That's seems a fair assumption to be honest
Perhaps you should talk to them beforehand to make teh situation clear beforehand.

LaurieStrode · 19/10/2023 15:01

DilemmaDelilah · 19/10/2023 14:51

Good idea to talk to your friends about it. I would be worried that they would think the voucher would cover the total cost for everbody, so best to get it all cleared up before you go.

One ploy might be to phone or text: "I've had a look at their menu and to my surprise the voucher will nowhere near cover the entire meal for all of us. It looks like each couple would be on the hook for at least another 100 quid. We don't really have that spare cash right now; if you don't mind we'll postpone till things are a little less tight."

They'd probably be relieved.

Worrywart70 · 19/10/2023 15:02

Do they say you'd use the voucher towards it or was this not mentioned?

You could invite them and not said you'd use it on them. They shouldn't expect you to. It was s gift to you.

I'd cancel it and privately rearrange just the two if it was me. Grin

Dilligafat · 19/10/2023 15:05

On reflection - so many people here think your friends will expect to eat for free, just make an excuse and cancel it. Then quietly go have a lovely, extravagant meal there with your partner. I'd probably go for the voucher being only for two people option personally. 😁

YaWeeFurryBastard · 19/10/2023 15:05

nibblessquibbles · 19/10/2023 14:50

I'd second the option of just being really upfront about it. Drop a text and say that you've got £300 voucher and so you need that to cover your share as you don't have much spare cash atm and anything over can be a contribution for them. Maybe also say that you absolutely understand if they want to switch restaurants if it's a bit expensive/take a rain check

I’d be quite pissed off to be honest at accepting an invitation to an expensive restaurant on the assumption of a voucher being available, to then have this rescinded and told I can decline if it’s too expensive! What an embarrassing position to put friends in. Not cool IMO.

I’d just cancel OP and go with your partner and avoid any resentment on either side.

CuriouslyMinded · 19/10/2023 15:09

I think I'd either cancel the dinner and rebook for just myself and my husband or say that the £300 voucher gets chucked in and the remaining bill is split equally between the four of you so that everyone gets a bit of a treat.

wildwestpioneer · 19/10/2023 15:09

Sorry but it sounds like you've offered to spend your voucher on the meal, treat everyone and then split the remaining bill between everyone.

If you can't afford to do this just drop a text out to say that you're a bit skint at the moment so would they mind of the voucher came off your part of the bill'

Wheresthebeach · 19/10/2023 15:10

I'd check out the menu and do the calculations. Starters, Main, Dessert - 2 bottles nice wine. What's that going to run to? Then you'll have an idea of how much you're on the hook for after the voucher is spent. Make your decision then, but send a text to friends giving them the info and saying something like - it means we'll each prob pay £XX as long as we don't go mad on cocktails/expensive drinks. We're a bit short of money right now so hope that's okay.