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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dinner with friends predicament...

349 replies

alwaysstrivingforinnerpeace · 19/10/2023 12:30

Rather than asking if I'm being unreasonable, I think I'd just like some honest advice please!
For my birthday my employer gifted me a voucher for an expensive restaurant in my local town. The voucher was for £300 and to be honest, at that restaurant, you could easily spend that on dinner for two once you've had a few cocktails and a bottle of wine!
Me and my partner don't get to go out much - we rarely have a babysitter and not a lot of spare cash to be dining out together, especially somewhere like that!
We had friends round a few weeks ago and I told them about my voucher and after a few wines thought it would be a great idea to invite my friend and her girlfriend to join us. They have no kids so a lot more spare cash than us, so dining out is a weekly thing for them.
I'm a real over-thinker and as the date is approaching I'm starting to worry.
When the bill arrives how would you expect to split in? Would you put the voucher in then split the remainder between the two couples? Would you put the voucher in then expect them to pay the rest of the bill? The closer it gets the more anxious I'm getting. I don't want to upset our friends but also can't really afford to fork out loads on the night.
What do you think? What would you do? I'm regretting inviting them now but I know uninviting them isn't an option!
Please help!

OP posts:
Original poster
alwaysstrivingforinnerpeace · 19/10/2023 12:48

Thedm · 19/10/2023 12:47

You and your partner never really get to go out together? So, you thought it was a good idea to ruin what could be a lovely romantic night for the two of you by inviting a friend along?

How does your partner feel about this? I’d be quite disappointed and feel a little rejected if my partner did this. A chance for a rare night out together and you bring people along.

The couple are both of our close friends, he was fine with them being invited. I didn't "ruin" anything. Thanks for your helpful advice :)

OP posts:
ChimChimeny · 19/10/2023 12:49

RoyKentFanclub · 19/10/2023 12:45

Cancel citing a family commitment or something vague and then don’t rearrange it. Then go on your own with your husband.

otherwise, share the voucher.

This was going to be my suggestion. as you invited them I think it would be cheeky to not use the voucher to part pay for them, they wouldn’t be going otherwise would they

rookiemere · 19/10/2023 12:49

You shouldn't have invited them, unless you share it will be totally awkward. The only way I can see it working is if you say you will use your voucher if they can pay the balance.

Original poster
alwaysstrivingforinnerpeace · 19/10/2023 12:49

ChimChimeny · 19/10/2023 12:49

This was going to be my suggestion. as you invited them I think it would be cheeky to not use the voucher to part pay for them, they wouldn’t be going otherwise would they

Show quote history

No, that's true. Good point, thank you.

OP posts:
ClarkGablesMoustache · 19/10/2023 12:50

Having invited them, I'd think the £300 would come off the table's bill and the rest would be split between you all.

If that means you can't afford it or it won't be a treat, just talk to your friends and give them the options.

"I was giddy and excited and invited you to share in the meal but having looked at the prices, the £300 won't cover meals for 4 of us. Should we call it off or are you OK to cover the rest of the bill?"

If they are better off, a somewhat subsidised meal with you might be something they'd happily pay for. Likewise, having been invited to what soun ded like a free meal out, they might prefer to give it a miss.

More importantly, who do you work for that gives staff £300 birthday presents, and can I work there please?

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 19/10/2023 12:50

Having told them about the voucher and invited them they will obviously think that the voucher is going towards the group meal. There is no other way they would interpret this.

You should either tell them plans have changed and you are just going with DH on this occasion and you would love to go to x on y date with them. Or just go with them and use your voucher and you each split the balance.

You could alternatively, call one of them (don’t message) and explain that your enthusiasm for their company got the better of you in your slightly inebriated state, but that you are not in a position financially to eat at that restaurant and that you will need to use all the voucher for your share of the bill. This option will depend on how close the friendship is.

What you absolutely must not do is leave it to the day of the meal. That will end in resentment one way or the other.

Whataretheodds · 19/10/2023 12:50

They're your friends. Pick up the phone, say you've realised £300 won't stretch to 4, you hope they won't be offended but you're planning to book for you and DH.

You'd love to see them another time at somewhere you can afford to pay your way, just need to sort a babysitter.

Might be awkward for 3 mins but if they're real friends they won't be angry.

cartagenagina · 19/10/2023 12:51

Honestly, I would go back to them and explain that as you and DH rarely get a night out together, this is going to be a date night for just you two and you have changed the booking.

Original poster
alwaysstrivingforinnerpeace · 19/10/2023 12:51

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 19/10/2023 12:50

Having told them about the voucher and invited them they will obviously think that the voucher is going towards the group meal. There is no other way they would interpret this.

You should either tell them plans have changed and you are just going with DH on this occasion and you would love to go to x on y date with them. Or just go with them and use your voucher and you each split the balance.

You could alternatively, call one of them (don’t message) and explain that your enthusiasm for their company got the better of you in your slightly inebriated state, but that you are not in a position financially to eat at that restaurant and that you will need to use all the voucher for your share of the bill. This option will depend on how close the friendship is.

What you absolutely must not do is leave it to the day of the meal. That will end in resentment one way or the other.

Great advice, thank you!

OP posts:
Isheabastard · 19/10/2023 12:53

Same advice as @Thedm. Cancel due to ‘sickness, work or family commitments’

Go with partner when you know they are away or committed to something else

Tell them voucher expiry date/ another excuse etc if they ask.

And think of it all as a learning experience. We all fuck up at times.

KathieFerrars · 19/10/2023 12:53

If they are good friends then phone them and explain you are getting ravelled up by this. I think they probs think that the voucher is between the four of you. That is fine unless they take the piss and order really expensive stuff and wine. Have a look at the menu - there may be a set menu price or a cheaper evening say on a Tuesday. Otherwise, come clean to them and say that on reflection, you and your partner haven't done anything romantically nice for yonks so you'd kind of like to turn this into an anniversary meal. If they are good friends then they should understand

Frasers · 19/10/2023 12:54

I think as you told them about the voucher and invited them I’d assume you wished to spend the voucher to cover them as well, so for me, split the remainder of the bill by the amount of people there. So if the remainder is 300 it’s 150 per couple. Or if three then a hundred per person.

i don’t think anything else is feasible. Unless you tell them up front the voucher isn’t being used for them just you.

seathewayahead · 19/10/2023 12:54

Only you will know exactly how you phrased it and whether this is a restaurant you would usually go to with these friends without the voucher.

If it is a usual hang out I would think if the voucher was taken off and then the rest of the bill divided between the remaining three people (so yours is free, theirs reduced) that would be expected as you’d mentioned it when inviting them.

If it is a proper treat place so even a good voucher isn’t going to put much dent into a night out I think you’re going to have to address it ahead of time so no-one Inc you gets landed with a bill they didn’t expect.

CICTGIGF · 19/10/2023 12:58

I think you should put the voucher down then share the rest of the bill. I think this might be what they would expect when you invited them.
Either that or make something up like you have realised the T&Cs state it’s only off a meal for 2.

HoHoHoliday · 19/10/2023 12:59

I think you can very easily pull this back. Just say something like
"I know I invited you both along to the restaurant to share my birthday voucher, but I've just been looking at the menu and wine list and I've realised that the £300 voucher will probably only cover mine and DH's meals. It's pretty expensive there! I'm worried it will put you out of pocket - do you still want to come? We could go for a meal somewhere else next week (whenever) instead if you'd rather not spend so much?"

seathewayahead · 19/10/2023 12:59

If it is the treat kind of place and you don’t usually go, I think you could say you’d be checking prices / menus and realised £300 isn’t going to go far at all, and actually maybe it would be nicer to go somewhere you usually go that night which you can all afford.

either they will agree to that, and then rebook the fancy place just you and your partner.

or they say don’t worry they were expecting to pay for their part. Etc

Either way I think it needs a call and resolved before you get there.

Tempnamechng · 19/10/2023 13:01

The voucher is your birthday present from your work. If the total bill comes to say £500, you would put your £300 voucher in and the other couple put in the extra £200 for their share. Just make sure you are open with your friends that this is your plan, otherwise they might be expect you to split the remainder. It shouldn't cost you any money to redeem a generous birthday gift, apart from perhaps a bit of a cash tip.
@HoHoHoliday's suggestion is a good one.

ginasevern · 19/10/2023 13:04

@alwaysstrivingforinnerpeace

Make up some excuse and just go with DH further down the line, tell them your babysitter bailed. The friends probably thought you were inviting them to a freebie and you really cannot afford to take that chance.

Watchthedoormat · 19/10/2023 13:05

Hopefully after a few wines your friends have forgotten.
I'd not mention it and hope they don't mention it.
If they HAVE mentioned it I think it's a bit rude and I'd just keep it vague and say you're not sure when you planning on going etc. Then change the subject.

2Rebecca · 19/10/2023 13:07

Inviting the friends was a mistake. Go without them and say you forgot. If they eat out weekly they can go if they want to

Saoirse82 · 19/10/2023 13:08

twilightcafe · 19/10/2023 12:42

Now you've told the friends about the voucher, if you go for a meal at that restaurant then you should put the £300 credit into the kitty and split the remainder of the bill between the four of you.

Yes, this is what I'd expect to do.

However, if I was your friend I wouldn't let you pay and I'd split the remaining bill between myself and my partner, but some people have a brass neck and would expect to split between four even though you're putting in the voucher.

Gettingbysomehow · 19/10/2023 13:10

You need to sort it out with them before you go and be very clear what your expectations are.

Screamingabdabz · 19/10/2023 13:14

Personally I wouldn’t lie or try and weasel out of it - I’d end up sucking it up and taking the financial hit. You invited them, so if you have integrity you’ll honour it.

towriteyoumustlive · 19/10/2023 13:15

This conversation needs to be had BEFORE the dinner.

I like the idea of the voucher being taken off the total, then the rest split three ways between your OH and two friends.

But... you also mentioned you don't have much free cash to eat out, so how much over £300 do you think the bill would be, and can you afford a third of this?

You said a meal for two, a few cocktails and a bottle of wine could easily be over £300, so with 4 of you this could perhaps be £600+ which would mean your OH would then need to pay over £100.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 19/10/2023 13:16

BMW6 · 19/10/2023 12:41

It's your birthday present so I think the £300 covers all your share and the rest if the bill gets split 3 ways - your partner and your 2 friends.

That way you benefit mainly, as you should, but the other 3 also gain some equally.

Depends on how she invited them. Oh guys I got this voucher to go to xx restaurant, you should come means I'm going to treat you as well not come and watch me use my voucher while you pay for yourself.

Expectation will be use the voucher for all and split the rest.

If she wanted to use the voucher for herself and have them pay for themselves then she should have made it clear when inviting them, or not invite them at all.

It would be different if they invited themselves.