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Original poster

Dinner with friends predicament...

349 replies

alwaysstrivingforinnerpeace · 19/10/2023 12:30

Rather than asking if I'm being unreasonable, I think I'd just like some honest advice please!
For my birthday my employer gifted me a voucher for an expensive restaurant in my local town. The voucher was for £300 and to be honest, at that restaurant, you could easily spend that on dinner for two once you've had a few cocktails and a bottle of wine!
Me and my partner don't get to go out much - we rarely have a babysitter and not a lot of spare cash to be dining out together, especially somewhere like that!
We had friends round a few weeks ago and I told them about my voucher and after a few wines thought it would be a great idea to invite my friend and her girlfriend to join us. They have no kids so a lot more spare cash than us, so dining out is a weekly thing for them.
I'm a real over-thinker and as the date is approaching I'm starting to worry.
When the bill arrives how would you expect to split in? Would you put the voucher in then split the remainder between the two couples? Would you put the voucher in then expect them to pay the rest of the bill? The closer it gets the more anxious I'm getting. I don't want to upset our friends but also can't really afford to fork out loads on the night.
What do you think? What would you do? I'm regretting inviting them now but I know uninviting them isn't an option!
Please help!

OP posts:
AmazingSnakeHead · 19/10/2023 13:51

Whataretheodds · 19/10/2023 12:50

They're your friends. Pick up the phone, say you've realised £300 won't stretch to 4, you hope they won't be offended but you're planning to book for you and DH.

You'd love to see them another time at somewhere you can afford to pay your way, just need to sort a babysitter.

Might be awkward for 3 mins but if they're real friends they won't be angry.

I think this option is the best. Don't let it ruin your present through anxiety. If a friend said this to me I would completely understand.

OhComeOnFFS · 19/10/2023 13:51

I'd just say, "Sorry, I was a bit pissed the other night. I've just realised that if we all go then the bill will be about £600 and we'll all have to pay £75 each. I don't want my birthday present to cost me money! Hope you don't mind"

nearlywinteragain · 19/10/2023 13:53

Isheabastard · 19/10/2023 12:53

Same advice as @Thedm. Cancel due to ‘sickness, work or family commitments’

Go with partner when you know they are away or committed to something else

Tell them voucher expiry date/ another excuse etc if they ask.

And think of it all as a learning experience. We all fuck up at times.

This would pretty much be my advice.
Cancel the first meal with an illness/ work etc excuse.
Don't rebook with them.
If they mention it again just say you had to squeeze in a last minute visit due to it expiring.

HighlandCowbag · 19/10/2023 13:59

I'd message friend and say 'ooof, just looked at the restaurant prices, it's so much more expensive than I thought. I was hoping voucher would cover most of it, but it looks like it will just about cover mine and dps half. Are you OK with paying for anything over £300? Completely understand if not because everyone is struggling at the minute, and I can always cancel your places? And then we can meet up at another time, just don't want it springing on you when the bill.comes'.

That way everyone is clear on what they are paying for and it gives them the option to opt out.

FarEast · 19/10/2023 14:00

You put the voucher in, they pay the rest.

WaltzingWaters · 19/10/2023 14:03

HighlandCowbag · 19/10/2023 13:59

I'd message friend and say 'ooof, just looked at the restaurant prices, it's so much more expensive than I thought. I was hoping voucher would cover most of it, but it looks like it will just about cover mine and dps half. Are you OK with paying for anything over £300? Completely understand if not because everyone is struggling at the minute, and I can always cancel your places? And then we can meet up at another time, just don't want it springing on you when the bill.comes'.

That way everyone is clear on what they are paying for and it gives them the option to opt out.

This sounds a god option. Gives them the choice either way.
I went out for a meal with a friend for her bday a few weeks ago. She picked a place because she had a voucher for it, but it was quite an expensive place - not somewhere I’d usually be able to justify stretching to. Luckily she was happy to share the voucher because I would have had to pick a more affordable place otherwise. So I’d check with them. If they have plenty of money they may not mind, but they may be expecting that your voucher will cover the majority.

Birch101 · 19/10/2023 14:04

Lovely gift
So options can you look at menu beforehand and pick? Tbh if you add in a min 12.5% service charge your looking at £67 pp before having to pay more, I spend more than that in my local gastro pub
I would think it very rude to be invited somewhere and be forced to cover all the additional costs - I would expect a 50/50 split and if were able cover the service charge as a nice gesture but that in itself can be alot depending on the alcohol

Voucher goes in on the understanding its for food only say £75 and additional food, drinks and service charge are paid for by person (so you can budget accordingly easiest way dont drink)
Get your partner to message said friends and politely ask them to back out, either because he had made plans for it to be a romantic special night for you or because he is concerned about finances and covering the additional costs (which then may open to them offering to cover their half completely or throwing in a lump sum etc)

Whatever you do discuss it before the day so it gives them a chance to bail out if they are not happy with your suggestion

2welshmums · 19/10/2023 14:05

Lovely gift from work.

Honestly, I would clarify at the start that you'll split the bill between your couples, half each, and you'll use your voucher to pay for your half of the bill, they pay for theirs.

If there is any leftover on the gift card, you could keep it for next time, use as a tip, or give it to the other couple off their bill.

If they are good friends, it shouldn't be awkward, it would be more awkward if they wrongly thought you were paying for them without you saying that.

Talkingmouse · 19/10/2023 14:05

What’s done is done. Personally I would go ahead with the evening and honour the fact you are paying. Don’t have cocktails beforehand and have the house wine. Have a fun evening. If I were in their shoes I’d likely then offer to buy the 2nd bottle of wine etc…I nice evening had by all…

MsSquiz · 19/10/2023 14:05

If it was me, I'd put forward the £300 voucher and ask friends to make up the rest of the bill (providing your half of the bill isn't more than £300)

Ducksinthebath · 19/10/2023 14:07

Glad you’re going to speak to your friends OP. That way whatever happens at least you’ve been up front and no one gets a nasty financial surprise on the night. If they are good friends and you phrase whatever you say tactfully I’m sure it won’t be a big or lasting issue.

Ktime · 19/10/2023 14:08

Talkingmouse · 19/10/2023 14:05

What’s done is done. Personally I would go ahead with the evening and honour the fact you are paying. Don’t have cocktails beforehand and have the house wine. Have a fun evening. If I were in their shoes I’d likely then offer to buy the 2nd bottle of wine etc…I nice evening had by all…

Nothing is done, Op never agreed to treat them to the voucher 🙄

Buy them wine? Pay for them all? Wtaf??!

Figgygal · 19/10/2023 14:13

Honestly cancel and go just the two of you another time
Otherwise there's no win win here.
You'll look a dick if you go effectively pay nothing for yours and expect your friends to pay theres

hellywelly3 · 19/10/2023 14:20

I’d uninvited them. Just say you’ve been thinking and you a DP could really do with a date night just the 2 of you. And organise another night with friends somewhere cheaper.

user1471466920 · 19/10/2023 14:21

I think if the £300 covers you and your partner, the friends should pay the rest.

BalloonSalesperson · 19/10/2023 14:23

Cancel citing a family commitment or something vague and then don’t rearrange it. Then go on your own with your husband

This is what I'd do.

skyeisthelimit · 19/10/2023 14:25

It's your voucher so you don't need to share it, however you do need to make it clear to them before you go, that you aren't paying for their meal.

They could have got the wrong idea by you inviting them to join you and be thinking that you are using the voucher for them as well

FortofPud · 19/10/2023 14:26

Have the conversation before you go, just in case they can't afford footing a big chunk of their share.

"Hi, just wanted to go over plans for the bill so nobody is put on the spot. My thoughts were that anything left over from my birthday voucher (after its gone on my and DHs share) is all yours. Hopefully that'll cover a decent chunk of your meal but obviously it depends what we all order. It's such a ££££ restaurant though, I just wanted to be clear and give you a chance to back out in case that wouldnt work for you guys. I know I'd never be going if it wasn't a birthday gift! Hope thats ok, let me know"

Sconehenge · 19/10/2023 14:26

I don’t get other posters at all, I would have told them about the voucher too!

So, if you have invited them then I would say you use your voucher and they pay the rest of it, unless the voucher is less than half in which case you would use your voucher towards the meal and pay the difference to 50% and they would pay the other 50%.

You are able to cancel though! You can just pull out of this event (pretend your DP has a work thing/friends birthday/you both have a family thing that night that you’d forgotten about) and then fail to reorganise for a while, then just message your friend and say you and DP have decided to have a date night after all! And then reorganise to have a dinner with your friends at a different restaurant.

LemonWaterSugar · 19/10/2023 14:26

If you invited them after talking about the voucher there is no way you can pay your share with the voucher and expect them to pay in full.

I think you need to suck it up but you never know they might offer to pay a bit more as it's your voucher. You can't ask that though.

Velvian · 19/10/2023 14:27

Have you priced up your meals and drink from the menu @alwaysstrivingforinnerpeace ?

I would do that and send a message saying,

Hi Friends,
I've looked at the menu for X, it looks like we will be spending about £200 (or whatever) from my voucher, so we will be able to pay £100 off your share too.

Namddf · 19/10/2023 14:27

HoHoHoliday · 19/10/2023 12:59

I think you can very easily pull this back. Just say something like
"I know I invited you both along to the restaurant to share my birthday voucher, but I've just been looking at the menu and wine list and I've realised that the £300 voucher will probably only cover mine and DH's meals. It's pretty expensive there! I'm worried it will put you out of pocket - do you still want to come? We could go for a meal somewhere else next week (whenever) instead if you'd rather not spend so much?"

OP this is perfect.

ToniTTtopaz · 19/10/2023 14:28

I'd call & say apologies, had a few too many wines that night and when you've spoke to your DH you've decided you're going to use it for some time just the two of you as you don't get too very often and wouldn't be able to afford to go to that particular place if you didn't have the voucher! Its going to be early birthday / anniversary / Christmas meal just the two of you.

Suggest doing something 'in budget' with them at a later date.

I'll never forget my SIL invite me out to lunch once with her kids & mine and said lets go here, I have some vouchers, only for her to then use the vouchers for her own bill and I got lumped with a full bill. I never would have agreed to go with her to that place if it wasn't for the fact she had vouchers she said we could use.

Original poster
alwaysstrivingforinnerpeace · 19/10/2023 14:28

Sconehenge · 19/10/2023 14:26

I don’t get other posters at all, I would have told them about the voucher too!

So, if you have invited them then I would say you use your voucher and they pay the rest of it, unless the voucher is less than half in which case you would use your voucher towards the meal and pay the difference to 50% and they would pay the other 50%.

You are able to cancel though! You can just pull out of this event (pretend your DP has a work thing/friends birthday/you both have a family thing that night that you’d forgotten about) and then fail to reorganise for a while, then just message your friend and say you and DP have decided to have a date night after all! And then reorganise to have a dinner with your friends at a different restaurant.

Thank you!

OP posts:
Original poster
alwaysstrivingforinnerpeace · 19/10/2023 14:29

Velvian · 19/10/2023 14:27

Have you priced up your meals and drink from the menu @alwaysstrivingforinnerpeace ?

I would do that and send a message saying,

Hi Friends,
I've looked at the menu for X, it looks like we will be spending about £200 (or whatever) from my voucher, so we will be able to pay £100 off your share too.

Edited

This is a great idea, thank you!

OP posts: