to say mum or dad will need to take the day off

[lilyloleth]

I'm unwell at the moment. Suspect maybe covid. I'm very tired, feel nauseous, sore throat, blocked nose, coughing up suspicious looking stuff... blugh. Basically I feel like utter shit. I'm off work and have been since the start of the week. I can just about move from bed to the sofa and stay here most of the day apart from to drag myself to drop and pick up my toddler at nursery who so far seems to have avoided this plague!

DH is working until later on this evening. He has rang me this morning to say that older SS (12) is also now unwell and his mum was asking to drop him off here as she needs to go to work this afternoon.

I've said no unless DH is planning on coming home to look after him or his mum can take the day off.

Aibu saying either DH can come home or his mum can take the day off? DH is saying he can't come home and his mum is also saying she can't take the day off because they are understaffed.

I don't feel up to caring for myself let alone a sick child. And I may soon have a sick toddler to deal with too so need to rest whilst I can.

You are definitely NOT being unreasonable! Why on earth would they think that it's OK for you to be off work but not them? Their work problems are theirs, not yours.

I hope you're feeling better soon - and that your toddler doesn't catch it!

It's up to the 2 of them to sort it out between them, but one or the other needs to have to the day off

I don't think it's unreasonable of her to ask the question- can he be dropped off so I can work? Equally, it's not wrong of you to say that you are too ill to look after them and DH might need to be off work also.

A 12 year old will probably lie around and sleep/go on phone - won’t be a bother.

YABU if you ever expect either of them to help you out with your toddler when ill in the future.

assuming the dad is also the dad of the toddler it’s completely different - that’s his kid. ss is not op’s child and op probably would not have ss’ mum babysitting her toddler either for the same reason?

If he’s 12 can’t he be home alone for one afternoon? At his mum’s house, not yours. YANBU. I don’t think they’re out of order to ask – maybe you might have felt OK about it! – but YANBU to say no.

Yeah I agree with this. It's fine to ask and it's fine for you to say no.

It wouldn't bother me having SS. An unwell 12 year old doesn't need much in the way of physical care. If they were very young I would say no way but at 12 they are likely to want to lie in bed anyway.

It depends on the nature of his sickness to me. If it’s d and v then no, if just full of a cold so will chill on the sofa for a few hours but need no care then I would.

maybe with the compromise your husband leaves work early enough to pick up from nursery to save you having to go out.

If he was younger I'd say yanbu but a 12 year old will stay in his room watching telly or whatever. You won't need to do anything and you've been well enough to go out so yabu.

Why would I ever ask SS's mum to look after my ill toddler? DH yes because he's his dad.

You are unreasonable for saying his Mum should take the day off but if you are to unwell to care for your son then your DH absolutely should be taking the day off.

Well I'm a bit split on this one but only because I'm not sure what you'd actually have to actively do for a 12 year old. I obviously don't know the child but if they're anything like my 12 year old, especially when ill, don't they just need to be left in bed with a big bottle of water and maybe some soup heated? Obviously it's the parents responsibility but if it is just a case of being in the house at the same time, even though I'd be annoyed at being asked when ill, I'd probably do it

One of the grimmest bits of parenting - looking after sick kids while you are feeling like death. No one really manages to avoid it. I reckon YABU expecting MiL to take time off work, DH should be coming home. But screen time and duvet for 12 yr old shouldn’t add too much? Hope you feel better soon

He has the same as me by the sounds of it. Feels sick, has the runs and cold symptoms.

I'll need to make lunch and drinks etc.. and if it comes to it, potentially mop up vomit which I'm not willing to do.

Why? She's his mum and her child is supposed to be with her today.

Its not MIL, its DHs ex (his sons mother). Sorry if that wasn't clear.

who does SS usually live with? if it isnt you then they should go to their usual home.

Your not unreasonable to think it's hard to look after kids (sick or well) when your sick yourself but unfortunately it's one of those that you or your DH need to suck it up and either finish work earlier or manage while feeling rubbish. His mum should be able to go to work. You could try rope in friend support or paid help if that's also an option you can figure out quickly.

I'm not talking about his grandmother, I'm talking about his mum, DHs ex.

Ah replied then just saw its not MIL but your sons mum (DH ex). Yes, you can stand your ground then.

Just say 'sorry really unwell & can barely care for myself. I can't be looking after some else as well'.

You're the easy out of sight out of mind answer. It becomes your problem once they drop him off. So assert yourself and say no.

Fair enough you wouldn’t need her to look after your ill toddler but I should have said if you ever want them to be accommodating with dates/times to fit around your plans the goodwill may not be there

Aldo agree if D&V then they need a parent to deal with that!

At the end of the day there’s a kid who feels ill and none of his family (& as his step mum that’s you too) are willing to be around with him.

DH needs to come home. Although if his DS is too ill to be left alone maybe his mum should change her plans?

Oh crikey just seen its child’s mother not DH- no way should he be coming to you! Now I’m annoyed for you

This childcare problem is absolutely not your childcare problem. Whether you are ill or not!

I doubt the SS would actively want to be around his SM when she’s ill either! He’s 12, unless it’s someone that requires hand on care (in which case it 100% should be one of his parents not his sick SM taking care of him), he’d be perfectly fine at home for the day. At that age having the tv to myself whilst lying on the sofa would have been the best medicine going!