to say mum or dad will need to take the day off

[lilyloleth]

I'm unwell at the moment. Suspect maybe covid. I'm very tired, feel nauseous, sore throat, blocked nose, coughing up suspicious looking stuff... blugh. Basically I feel like utter shit. I'm off work and have been since the start of the week. I can just about move from bed to the sofa and stay here most of the day apart from to drag myself to drop and pick up my toddler at nursery who so far seems to have avoided this plague!

DH is working until later on this evening. He has rang me this morning to say that older SS (12) is also now unwell and his mum was asking to drop him off here as she needs to go to work this afternoon.

I've said no unless DH is planning on coming home to look after him or his mum can take the day off.

Aibu saying either DH can come home or his mum can take the day off? DH is saying he can't come home and his mum is also saying she can't take the day off because they are understaffed.

I don't feel up to caring for myself let alone a sick child. And I may soon have a sick toddler to deal with too so need to rest whilst I can.

You’re not in competition with anyone.

Your way is best for you, great, no one said it wasn’t. That doesn’t mean your way would work best for everyone or that it’s something they should want and aspire to.

She’s unreasonable to expect the father of her child to help out in the future because she sick and can’t care for SC? That’s a bit mental. And why would she expect the ex to look after her child? Very unlikely.

You can't "help out" with your own children, only other people's.

If the OP agrees to look after the stepson, she is helping out because he is not her child.

If her husband looks after their shared child, he is just parenting. Or neglecting his parenting duties, if he refuses to do so.

You're not personally bothered about?

Why not? These are people with feelings.

True. If I had a Stepparent who didn't give any fucks about me I wouldn't be bothered about them.

So yes, we obviously do/did things a lot differently.

*You're not personally bothered about?

Why not? These are people with feelings.*

I don't see how these two statements are connected. I'm not personally bothered if they're close or not. They are more than welcome to be, but it's not a personal concern of mine.

There seems to be an expectation on MN that step parents need to be very concerned that their children are going to end up really lonely if you don't do everything imaginable to make them close to their half siblings. I can understand that if yours is an only child but I'm not any more concerned about that than any other parent of two would be.

What has any of that got to do with them being people with feelings?

Maybe the half siblings’ father might be given the responsibility for ensuring that his children have close and positive relationships with each other.

Why do we have to absolve men of their responsibilities as parents and delegate them to any woman who he is in a relationship with (or, if he’s single, his mother as the nearest woman)?

You can ‘give a shit’ about your SC and still set boundaries around the expectation that their parents will step up and actually parent them. Arguably, you would do so because you give a shit about them.

It isn’t being mean to SC to expect their father to look after them, or ensure they have relationships with his family, or any of the other things that are simply the responsibility of parents. Men often get away with delegating that to their wives in nuclear families (and are celebrated as amazing fathers because they do bedtime twice a week). Why should they pull the same crap in a second marriage?

I can't be bothered talking about it anymore.

My SC are my family.

I can't be bothered talking about it anymore.

Ie, you've talked yourself into a corner and can't justify why you are so judgmental about other people's families that aren't hurting you or anyone else, so you're backing out of the conversation.

No I haven't. I'm at work.

Perhaps I'm just lucky that I chose a man who doesn't put on me, is a good Dad with Children who have bought me a lot of happiness.

No more or less lucky than anyone else in a situation that suits them.

Not everyone wants to emulate your life, any more than you want to emulate theirs.

Agree.

I would think the parent in common should be the most concerned on this point, but no that is down to the step mother too.🙄

The women who don't get used as skivvy aupairs in this dynamic, are invariably self assured women who know their self worth, are boundaried, and establish this long before they marry or have a family.

The men who choose these women tend to be at the very least accepting that they will not be manipulated and know better than to try.

The others that we consistently read about on MN are selfish, lazy, avoidant parents who target solvent women to be their skivvy aupair, that they like to gift out to their Ex.🙄

They haven't an ounce of respect or deep regard for the poor naive women they find to use.

It takes some level of not giving a shit about your partner who is so unwell and dealing with a toddler, to further use her as childcare for your Ex, who doesn't want to mind her own sick child on HER time.

Only on MN is this type of utter disregard applauded.

The OP needs to badly wake up to the fact that she is with someone who couldn't care less about her.

@Housesellingnightmare I knew my DH & his ex for many years before. We dated after they split up.

I don't think I'm better than anyone else.

I wouldn't be with my DH if he had treated me like a nanny. I've said no in the past but I do enjoy their company.

I have a feeling op ended up with dss

Either guilt or pressure from dh the kids dad

I suspect you are right there.

Pressure, guilt and the child literally being dropped at her door.

Yep

You are on one today, arguing with people.

No but you're the only arguing on every thread you are on.