to say mum or dad will need to take the day off

[lilyloleth]

I'm unwell at the moment. Suspect maybe covid. I'm very tired, feel nauseous, sore throat, blocked nose, coughing up suspicious looking stuff... blugh. Basically I feel like utter shit. I'm off work and have been since the start of the week. I can just about move from bed to the sofa and stay here most of the day apart from to drag myself to drop and pick up my toddler at nursery who so far seems to have avoided this plague!

DH is working until later on this evening. He has rang me this morning to say that older SS (12) is also now unwell and his mum was asking to drop him off here as she needs to go to work this afternoon.

I've said no unless DH is planning on coming home to look after him or his mum can take the day off.

Aibu saying either DH can come home or his mum can take the day off? DH is saying he can't come home and his mum is also saying she can't take the day off because they are understaffed.

I don't feel up to caring for myself let alone a sick child. And I may soon have a sick toddler to deal with too so need to rest whilst I can.

What would they do if you were well and had been at work?

'I'll be in bed the whole time so no'.

Wind your neck in!!

i didn’t mention having actual ‘parental control’ I just suggested as she is the step Mum that she probably is part of parenting the child.

An unwell 12 year old really doesn't need much looking after. I'd be inclined to say yes, he can come, on condition his mum makes/brings you any lunch either of you might be feeling up to. If she can make sure you're both set up to sit under a duvet with a drink handy, that's probably all that's needed. It would be very frustrating for them to have to take the day off to watch a child sleeping/watching youtube, given that you are there.

If D&V seems likely, it's a bit different, but give him a bucket, and agree which of the parents will come if needed.

It may pay back - if the toddler comes down with it tomorrow and SS is still off but feeling better than you are, you might have some help!

Why on earth would she expect her partners ex to help with her own child in the future? And why is the toddler only her responsibility in this? Just because she isnt willing to help with a child that isnt hers whilst she is ill, doesnt mean her OH is only dad to the eldest and therefore doesnt have an equal responsibility to his youngest. What an utterly bizarre thing to say.

If he’s ill he won’t be wanting lunch surely ?

and he can make his own drinks

Why should op need to be owed a favour for her husband to take care of his own child if he gets ill?

Personally I'd say yes on the understanding that mum brings a packed lunch, snacks/drinks etc, sets child up on couch with a blanket, sick bucket and the telly remote and that child is absolutely not to bother you unless he is bleeding profusely or on fire.

Tbh at 12 (secondary age yes?) I think they can curl up on the sofa themselves without an adult... assuming no SEN

@MardiLisa

this! Why exactly?! The toddler is just as much his child as OP’s!

one word - MISOGYNY

Surely at 12 they can stay at home by themselves?

When someone says they can't take the day off, it's basically saying they won't. Of course 1 of them can take an emergency day off to look after their sick child.

@TogetherWeLearn he is the dad of the toddler. if that toddler gets ill, how is it that he's "helping her out" ?! Or do you not expect the dad of a child to PARENT?

And bring more germs into the house ensuring the toddler comes down with it. I wouldnt do it. If child is that self sufficient, he can manage at his mums in his own bed for a couple of hours while shes at work.

I would say no, if you are feeling sick already and then this child is vomiting too and then you need to look after a toddler also, no way!

why can't the 12yo stay home alone for a few hours? And even in your case, make his own lunch and drinks? It's not a toddler we're talking about here.

Stand your ground OP - its a simple NO

Technically you don't have to do it but I like my DH and would let his 12 year old come and sit in our living room and watch TV or play on his phone whilst I was in the house so my DH didn't have to waste leave for nothing.

HE is 12 for goodness sake, you're at home anyway, why can't you all just get on the sofa under a blanket and watch a couple of films, what exactly will you need to do for him?

The parents of the 12 year old need to do what they would have done if op was well and at work. Parent their kid!! Which means working from home or taking time off to be there for him whilst unwell. No doubt your husband has said oh new wife is at home Ill she can look after him - cheeky bugger

I do not expect anyone else to care for my children whilst unwell except me or their dad you also don’t want the toddler potentially catching something else if what his brother has isn’t what op has. Even mum could take morning dad afternoon with older child. Feel better op and hope you get time to rest and recover

My other line of thinking would be if you save your dh having to take time off for a sick child this time it means when your in work and your toddler is sick he will be in a better position to take time off.

What’s the plan for the next few days given the 48hr rule means he won’t be back at school?

if he’s well enough to be left at his mums house he may prefer that to being transported to from his dads house when feeling ill. Not sure of household at his mums but at his dads he’d have to contend with a toddler too.

Presume the OP has told them no by now anyway.

How does your DH's ex even know you are ill at home i.e. what led her to even asking your DH whether she could drop her unwell son at your house?

Did your DH maybe suggest this as an option when his ex asked if HE could care for their child?

I read it as being your step sons grandma and thought her expectation was unreasonable but holy shit,what planet does this woman think she's on that she reckons sick stepmum has to do her childcare for her! As for your husband, nice that he puts you behind his exs job expecially when you're ill.

I think people who are saying it’s not a big deal to look after 12 y.o probably just were lucky so far and they or their 12 y.o. haven’t been really unwell.

OP is in bed and unwell she can’t look after anyone, she probably just want to sleep in
a quiet house after taking paracetamol.