to say mum or dad will need to take the day off

[lilyloleth]

I'm unwell at the moment. Suspect maybe covid. I'm very tired, feel nauseous, sore throat, blocked nose, coughing up suspicious looking stuff... blugh. Basically I feel like utter shit. I'm off work and have been since the start of the week. I can just about move from bed to the sofa and stay here most of the day apart from to drag myself to drop and pick up my toddler at nursery who so far seems to have avoided this plague!

DH is working until later on this evening. He has rang me this morning to say that older SS (12) is also now unwell and his mum was asking to drop him off here as she needs to go to work this afternoon.

I've said no unless DH is planning on coming home to look after him or his mum can take the day off.

Aibu saying either DH can come home or his mum can take the day off? DH is saying he can't come home and his mum is also saying she can't take the day off because they are understaffed.

I don't feel up to caring for myself let alone a sick child. And I may soon have a sick toddler to deal with too so need to rest whilst I can.

This is ridiculous. OP is ill can hardly look after herself or her child. She can't be expected go look after a other sick child!
Her DH has a responsibility too it's not about him helping out his own wife or child!
One of the 12 year olds parents need to put their child first
OP you are not being unreasonable at all I hope you feel better soon

If the child is too ill to be at school, I'd hope his Mum wouldn't take him to McDonalds!

... and it doesn't sound like the OP is anywhere near well enough to go to Mcdonalds either

Why? he is no Ops child if his mum thinks the 12 year old is ill enough to need someone to look after him then she or his dad should take the day off OP is ill.
If the argument is that he won't be any trouble can stay in his own room etc then he can stay home alone

Not misogyny at all. Coming from a place of assuming 50/50 on care of sick children, so doing a day now when I'm off anyway will save me a day's leave at some point in the future.

Nothing to do with being a default parent, just an expectation of 50/50.

Anyway the decision has doubtless been made by now.

Personally I would say yes but mum needs to bring him a packed lunch and some form of entertainment and he's welcome to crash out on the sofa or in his bed if he has one at yours....
And make it clear to DH that should either of you take a turn for the worse then one of you needs to make yourself available to come and take over!

Reasonable for her to ask, totally reasonable for you say no. Your DH should have told her you are sick.

Hope you feel better soon x

It isn't the mother in-law it is the 12 year olds mother and her sick child is her responsibility or his Dads certainly not OPs who is sick

the 12yo will surely not need anything?

give him a sick bowl and leave him on sofa? tell him if hungry get a pack of crisps/some sort of grab snack as you are ill in bed?

YANBU

It is absolutely DH or his ex who need to take time off to look after DSS.

Stick to your guns.

I think they were suggesting the Mum of the 12yo take them to McD's on the way to dropping them off to ill OP.
Bleugh....the last thing I'd want is someone to arrive with eau de McD's on them while I'm ill.

I do apologise OP; I thought you meant your dhs mother!

Where is all this judgement of OP coming from?

The poor woman is sick and can barely look after herself. How on earth is she supposed to take care of a 12 yr old?

That requires an adult running on all four cylinders, not an adult hardly firing on one.

12 YEARS, not 12 months.

You are giving step parents a bad name. He's 12, not 2. You literally don't have to do a single thing for him other than be in the same house in case of an emergency. Stick the telly on and let him get on with it and stop being such a drama queen.

He’s got parents for that.

YANBU.

Perfectly reasonable to say no.

You are off work as ill

Not capable of looking after as if no need

The ex/mum or dh/dad need to take a day off if he is that poorly

Why won't he be ok on sofa /bed at home alone

He's 12

What would they do if OP was not an option? They should do that.

Sod that. I think his parents are giving themselves a bad name. Neither of them willing to take time off to care for him.

Why does a step parent have to be more of a parent to their SC than their own parents.

nb I am not a step parent.

That sounds like parenting!?!

Don't tell anyone to wind their neck in, its very crass.

Why on earth should she do this for a future favour from the SS mother? Why would she even be looking after their child? Silly comparison that doesn't make sense!

If the ops toddler is sick then it's up to dh and her to sort, not the SS mother. Same works for op. She is NBU.

This, but on MN you have to be the skivvy and do absolutely anything and everything if you're a SM.

If she knows you are ill she's got a cheek asking.

12 is either old enough not to need care, and so can be left alone, or not old enough, so Op is too sick to care for him.

He cant be old enough to be no bother to a sick OP - who needs all her energy for whenever toddler gets in (until her DH gets home) - so can be left alone, or he needs care, which OP can’t provide.

Some pps seem to want it both ways!