Grandparents who can't lead their own lives because of Grandchildren?

[girlfriend44]

Why should grandparents have to run their lives round the grandchildren?

Talking to someone today, they have family coming to stay this week. Its the only time their visitors can come because the grandkids are away on half term and they've gone away as a family.

Seems the grandchildren rule some people's lives.

My sister retired early at the end of last year. She has 4 grandchildren (good effort there), who all live close to her.
She is directly engaged with them a lot of the time, Thursdays in particular. She told me that her husband, not the father of her children, hadn't picked up (yet) that Thursdays were a thing. I think he has and lets it go as he is 10 years younger and seems to like to engage with the smalls.
My sister also volunteers for the Samaritans, including the odd night session.

My in laws live a couple of houses down and don’t often have our children or ask to see them. My parents come from the other side of the country as often as they can to see and have the children. My parents would love to swap with my in laws which in turn would make our lives easier. It’s down to the grandparent as to how often they want to see and have their grandchildren. Personally I can’t wait to be like my parents and have them as often as possible! I was always at my grandparents house but my dads mum never bothered that often and in turn we weren’t that close to her growing up!

MotherOfBengals
like your granddaughter our granddaughter loves us just as much as we love her i know everyone is different but i think those grandparents that choose not to be involved are missing out xx
Well done for being there for her and your son wishing yous all the best xxx

I hope one day grandchildren rule my life

Bollocks have you fixed it. Why are grandkids the responsibility of grandparents?

I think that I would have aged more if it wasn't for my GC. I keep my fitness levels up and drink less than I probably would. Some plans have to evolve around any children in the family, because of school, bed time etc. Or family don't see the little ones. I'm my DD's childcare, four days a week. It's a case of that, or seeing them live on benefits. She got out an abusive relationship. I made myself permanently available so she could recover. In our family it works well. My GPs, my Mum was never lonely or without care. I like still going to bounce/soft play Halloween/Christmas/Easter events. Booking stuff in December means I'm conscious of my health and keeping energy levels up etc. Being an involved GP is good for you.

It isn't just about the GC. Your child has a need and you are helping, while gaining an important relationship. Children do best in extended families.

And also about the GP’s circumstances. I’m 56 but still working and will be for the foreseeable as will my husband. Because of several redundancy situations, retirement isn’t an option for us. If it were I would love to help my daughter out by looking after her LO. I’d also value (and need) my own time too. GP’s have been parents too.

I have talked to pissed off grandparents on holiday abroad because they have to holiday during school holidays and pay nearly double because of caring for grandchildren in order to save nursery fees for the parents. One grandfather said he’d had enough of it.

I spent half my life with my grandparents.
I had the luxury of being raised by two different generations.
My grandparents loved me, doted on me and treated me like one of their own.
I spent the rest of their lives devoted to them.
It’s a low down dirty shame@girlfriend44that you didn’t have that in your life, but don’t take it out on those of us who did.

My mum lives for her grandkids! She would drop everything for them if needed. They make her the happiest she’s ever been. I cannot wait to be a grandma.

now the people I worry about are those who have their lives ruled by their dog 😂

It appears on this thread that the problem is the DC’s not the GC. Which in turn means it’s their upbringing!

My DC never take advantage or expect me to have them, I just love spending time with them

Yes!

Live your life the way you want and let other people get on with theirs. Some grandparents adore having their grandkids and it can’t be considered ruling their lives.

It quite be quite tough on older grandparents especially who need to keep working. Hard to juggle work/ relationship/ maybe several sets of grandchildren and other interests or hobbies that frankly they should now be able to enjoy. Health and sleep issues.

yes me too they keep us young and are so much fun xx

No matter how many times I read this OP it still makes no sense. You ok?

There’s nothing wrong w going away with your GC. We went away w DC and GP a few times but they had their own life too and had a holiday home so we’re away a fair amount themselves.
If here they babysat occasionally, when the DCs were old enough they’d stay over occasionally but only one at a time! Also they looked after DC when we had a v rare night away for anniversary of whatever.
i think I would be similar if lucky to have DGC. They wouldn’t rule my life but I’d help if when I could.
We have MIL left now and the DGCs are all adults but still see her.

My Grandchildren are the greatest joy i have ever had in my life - i am not going to waste this time working when i can spend much of my life with them.

In the last week i have taken my 8yo DGD to a theatre production of The Adams Family and my 14yo DGS to a punk gig. They stay with me every Friday night where we are 9 months into watching Dr Who all the way through. We go away together in my campervan 10/12 times a year.

I am lucky in that they are HE so have so many exciting and wonderful events and activities most children never get the opportunity to do - i really am living my best life. I often take them to regular groups where i can sit curled up in a chair drinking coffee and reading whilst they are doing their thing.

In a few years they will have grown up and i will have all the time in the world to do my own thing. As someone once said (no idea who) You are a long time dead - I can sleep then.

Each to their own - i get many people would not want this life but I do.

I agree, it makes no sense

what makes no sense

I’m a grandma and adore looking after my grandkids 2 days a week - I wouldn’t have the energy for more as at 1 and 3 they are a handful but it is a commitment I’m happy to make before they grow up - I don’t resent it - it’s so much more fun than looking after your own kids 🙂

I think the point is that some grandparents feel emotionally blackmailed into childcare. Or they are sent on a guilt trip by parents who need to work but can’t afford huge nursery fees. That’s the point the OP is making. I am sure anyone can recognise that it isn’t the same for everyone. I don’t know why people feel the need to point out the obvious - “Oh I LOVE having my GC!” - yes, ok, but that’s not what the OP is talking about.

But it is her choice. No one is forcing her to do this. She can say no.
I presume she is doing it to help her child but that's because she wants to.
Sometimes I can't meet friends because of grandchild responsibilities and sometimes friends can't meet me for the same reason. But that is our choice no one else's.

i have friends who have two grandaughters and was ask to have them just once a week but they said no in a roundabout way well thats up to them wouldn’t be for me not to have mine but it’s everybody’s choice or it should be xx