Grandparents who can't lead their own lives because of Grandchildren?

[girlfriend44]

Why should grandparents have to run their lives round the grandchildren?

Talking to someone today, they have family coming to stay this week. Its the only time their visitors can come because the grandkids are away on half term and they've gone away as a family.

Seems the grandchildren rule some people's lives.

Yanbu. My parents are very involved with their grandchildren and play a very active part in their lives. But primarily they live their own lives first and fit us in around that. Seems fair to me.

Yeah they were brilliant but mum took it as a rejection of child no 4 when they wouldn't help out . Mum took it out on me saying I was favoured by them . But I was with them all day everyday for 5 years from birth so what did she expect ? I think she was actually very selfish .

@CornishClott I would probably agree with you that your dm was selfish and she was definitely wrong to blame you for the fact that the GPs wouldn’t provide care for baby no 4. In my opinion you just can’t keep on having babies and just assume that someone else is going to sacrifice their life to look after them.

Good point xx

Caring responsibilities are not the grandparents. That's a choice

Some of my friends behave appallingly with their parents when it comes to wanting childcare. They get so very entitled and don't take into consideration the grandparents own lives or health issues. The grandparents seem to put up and shut up because they're too scared to upset their children.

Completely agree with this. Watching same happen with siblings. Not fully to extend you’re describing but my parents having siblings’ kids (more than one sibling) several times a week, including sleepovers etc, throughout holidays etc. reliant on the free childcare. In addition, they care for elderly parents. The childcare can be ad hoc, involving them dropping everything to help siblings out. Parents being unable to do things for themselves due to having to check with siblings that it’s OK in case required for childcare. My parents then moan to me! We’ve never relied on grandparents for childcare - I reduced my work hours & left a promoted post when we’d family. In turn, due to their childcare commitments, we don’t often see them as they’re taking this one to this extracurricular activity or they’re having to take x to this as my sibling can’t take them.

I find this to be a bit misleading.

Yes some people absolutely choose to do so and enjoy their lives that way. Others get guilt tripped into it and threatened with not seeing their GCs at all if they don’t provide endless amounts of free childcare.

How many threads are there from people who are complaining that their parents won’t provide childcare as and when they demand it? How many posters respond that the OP should threaten to withdraw care from their parents if they don’t?

The idea that all GP’s are offering CC completely freely of their own will and desire is wrong.

No it isnt wrong for some! want to but do think they should say no if they dont want to i dont think you can compare with years ago when we looked after our own kids things are so expensive now they need a little help xx

It should be made clear at the start. Find it with friends in their 60s they very tied. My friend had to cut back a day. My sister vowed she doing none she had to pay creche. Fair point!! Nobody helped her. Its a massive commitment. I would help but not full time of it.

yes day or two a week is perfect i think