To tell H I will leave him if he ever says this again?

[FuckedOff11]

Background is we own a business together. We are very busy at the moment and so it's a bit stressful.

As always kids have the worst timing and I was rang today to collect our child from nursery because he's unwell.

H has flipped out (in front of other people who work with us) shouted at me that there's no way I'm being off tomorrow and if I don't ring nursery and refuse to pick DC up then he's not "paying me" (as if that's up to him when it's my business too).

Now I'm not actually worried about the money. I don't need his permission to pay myself, he's not my employer but I am absolutely raging about the way he spoke to me and the fact he thinks, whether he could do it or not, he can threaten me with money. It is not the first time he's threatened not to "pay me" if I don't do what he thinks is reasonable. I'm also appalled he thinks I should be refusing to pick our child up. I told him if he wants to go ahead and ring nursery he can get himself reported to SS but I'll be going to collect our child.

Now I'm at home stewing.

I know I'm not unreasonable to be mad. But my head can't stop going to immediately leaving, stressed or not, he acted so unacceptably.

This is all very lovely, but this behaviour is one way.

Op is not behaving or speaking this way to him. In spite of being a co owner, co-worker, coparent etc. with the same stresses.

If you say you will leave if this is repeated, you must be prepared and have a plan 100% to go through with it. Otherwise it is a hollow threat and will not change your OHs behaviour.

Wiser than you - who can't recognise abuse.

Telling women to stay to take it and to try to reason with their abuser.

Disgraceful.

@FuckedOff11

Running your own business is incredibly stressful, especially with things as they are at the moment. Plus, working as a husband and wife team brings a whole different dimension into play (not always in a good way). I speak through experience. So, getting irritated with each other at times is going to be a fact of life. But, humiliating you in front of staff is an absolute no no and saying he won't pay you is unforgiveable controllery.

I find I get the best support and advice from people who love me and love my husband, too.

They only love her husband because she hides this side of him from them.

Dh and I are business partners, he’d never speak to me like, never mind in front of employees. You do need a serious conversation about your ongoing relationship.

Are you on the wind up?

Parental alienation is very sad and far too common when families break up.

I would say to you that you mental the mothers mental health issues in a certain way and if that was my mother and she was vulnerable, I would have a big problem with that.

However, taking your post at face value as this type of thing can happen, I suggest you continue to pay for your daughters phone whilst she is in eduction but cut it off thereafter

I meant , Mention the mothers mental health issues - not mental the mothers mental health issues !

H has flipped out (in front of other people who work with us) shouted at me that there's no way I'm being off tomorrow and if I don't ring nursery and refuse to pick DC up then he's not "paying me" (as if that's up to him when it's my business too).

He’s made himself look like a wanker in front of your employees apart from anything else.

I hope you shouted back and let everyone else who was there know that he cannot speak to you like that and that your child comes before any money considerations. I might have also thrown in that he could run the business by himself and good luck with that. (But that might not be helpful.) although it might focus his mind.

Oof OP! I wouldn't accept that from my employer full stop. Child needs picking up cos they are poorly, it ends there. If it were my husband...oh there's just no chance. There are so many levels of disrespect here I don't know where to begin. You wouldn't know where to look for the amount of shit hitting the fan. Kids come first, that's it.

And to do it in front of other ppl?! Absolutely the Fuck not. This cannot be a lone example of unacceptable behaviour from him.

For context - DH & I are SE & at one business we worked together for 4yrs (businesses are split now). He also employs ppl & if there is a need for someone to leave, they leave. Especially when it comes to children.

You'll find life much better for your mental health as a single mum even if the daily grind is harder.

This, brilliantly put.

That is terrible behaviour. You are lucky that you can just ignore him but does he also talk to your staff like that? Is so he sounds the worse kind of employer and you are lucky anyone is working for your company.
Apart from anything else I find it hard to believe that a parent would put work ahead of your sick child. When you have a child you have to accept that child is your first responsibility. If sounds as if business and not your child is your DHs main priority.

Wow!! I would be seething too. At the very least I would not be going to work tomorrow whether your DC is off or not. Firstly to let the employees know that despite what he thinks, husband isn't your boss and doesn't get to tell you what to do. And secondly to have a real think about how you want to move forward with this disrespectful piece of work.

What????!!!

He's a disrespectful fucker.

You should have told him, fine, you will be at work tomorrow, as he will be taking the day off to mind your little boy!

I would be incandescent with rage. I am actually raging here on your behalf. What a wanker.

Totally unacceptable behaviour from him. As he’s done this before I’d be inclined to leave as I could no longer feel love for someone like this. He’s a nasty prick and you deserve better from a husband/business partner.

My advice was to talk to her mother as she was already inclined to do. Yours is to blow up her life. Do you really think you are being helpful or respectful to this woman?

Well, it's clear that he thinks he owns the business and doesn't see you as an equal but to speak to you like that when you need to fetch your child is dreadful!
I wouldn't stand for this at all!

If he does that in front of your staff I wouldn't expect your staff to hang around long (particularly if they have children). He's just demonstrated to them that they will not be expected to take emergency leave for their children.

Hopefully he'll apologise later and will explain himself to your colleagues, but I can't say I'm holding out much hope as it doesn't seem that it's a one off.

If you did leave him, how would the business work? Does it require both of you to run it? Which one of you would do better running the business without the other? If you, I'd say if you split, let him buy you out, then set up on your own and pinch all his work and pick up the pieces when it all falls apart!

As opposed to you, an all-knowing stranger on the internet.

I really hope you wont be bearing any more children from him
Id leave him and the business and find a job.
Have some peace and respect

Text him.

If you ever speak to me like that again, I'll leave you.

If you ever speak to another team member like that, you will be pulled up on a bullying claim.

If you ever imply I'm not an equal partner in our business, I will be moving on and taking my investment with me.

If you ever try to leave our poorly child in nursery because its more convenient, I will report you to social services.

Think about how you've treated your wife, your staff and your child today.

He needs to issue an apology including the staff who were there. To humiliate you in this manner is completely unacceptable.