To tell H I will leave him if he ever says this again?

[FuckedOff11]

Background is we own a business together. We are very busy at the moment and so it's a bit stressful.

As always kids have the worst timing and I was rang today to collect our child from nursery because he's unwell.

H has flipped out (in front of other people who work with us) shouted at me that there's no way I'm being off tomorrow and if I don't ring nursery and refuse to pick DC up then he's not "paying me" (as if that's up to him when it's my business too).

Now I'm not actually worried about the money. I don't need his permission to pay myself, he's not my employer but I am absolutely raging about the way he spoke to me and the fact he thinks, whether he could do it or not, he can threaten me with money. It is not the first time he's threatened not to "pay me" if I don't do what he thinks is reasonable. I'm also appalled he thinks I should be refusing to pick our child up. I told him if he wants to go ahead and ring nursery he can get himself reported to SS but I'll be going to collect our child.

Now I'm at home stewing.

I know I'm not unreasonable to be mad. But my head can't stop going to immediately leaving, stressed or not, he acted so unacceptably.

Well you found out he regards you as an employee and an errant one at that. It's the not the words but the attitude; not much you can do to adjust that, is there?

I think he got what he deserved by being called names in front of others.

WTF have I just read!

What was he trying to do? Play make believe he's the boss and can speak to you like shit? Was this some weird elaborate role play? No husband or partner of mine would speak to me like that without consequences. It was completely unnecessary and disgraceful.

This is a deal breaker OP I hope you've handed him his arse.

Why on earth would they want to reduce their income by half, and have her trapped, dependent on him, without any income………….?

YANBU! Even if he was your boss that’s no way to speak to anyone.

@Silvers11 Thank you, you are right.

I’d pay myself twice and tell him to swivel

Any chance he’s trying to put the fear of god in other staff members? If he can speak to his wife in such a way, how does he treat staff?

Don't blame your 'old fashioned' attitude on your age as it reflects poorly on those of us in your same generation. It also encourages ageism.

And it wouldn't be 'her husband paying someone', it would also be HER. It is NOT his business, it is theirs.

I'm in my 60s and certainly don't feel the OP should 'stay at home with her child' to keep her husband from being an asshole. She should assert her equality and demand her DH's respect. If he isn't able to treat her as an equal, then she should leave the relationship.

Do it back to him in front of colleagues over the next small thing and see the reaction?

I don’t think this is fair to the others working there.

I also don’t think responding with name calling is great, though I can certainly understand the reaction.

I would want to know, as someone else posted up thread, how he feels about his behaviour now. Does he recognize the idiocy of it and feel regretful? Did he apologize?

What a massive bellend. What have you said since?

Name calling 😂

I would exercise caution when contemplating calling him out in public -- too many men react very badly if they feel a woman is emasculating him and later resort to violence. I'm not saying that's what OP's partner will do, but it is a possbility.

I stayed home with the children and worked part-time for my husband while I raised our children. I experienced similar disrespect, though perhaps not as blatant in public. This will not get better. He is showing you who he is - believe him. Get yourself some legal counsel and see how to best protect yourself and your child, then get out. There is NO shame in getting out of a relationship that does not work for you (or your child, if he honestly believes it's acceptable to leave a sick child at nursery). It took me a long time to realize that I was in an abusive marriage, and it took an awful toll on my children.

Good luck, OP!

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I don't think anybody should be making the OP feel bad about calling him a fucking dick.

They probably wanted to applaud her.

Not meaning to pour petrol on the flames, but @FuckedOff11 you yourself said this was not the first time, and I’m sure you were clear with him then too.

you do need a proper conversation now, serious lines drawn and yes perhaps you ought to go stay with family for a while

show him what life looks like without you in it.

I wouldn't leave him. I would kick him out and sharpish.

I work with my husband (we own our own business) and it would never even occur to him to say this. He sounds awful, OP. Have you asked him why he said that? What on earth was he thinking?!

However you dress it up, a husband and wife disagreeing in a professional work environment is highly unprofessional, disruptive and unpleasant for their workforce. If they can't get on and have their disagreements in private they shouldn't be working together in the first place.

I didn't see that one.