To tell this girl to go away

[amidsummernightsdream]

More a wwyd

My dd (2.5) and I attend an activity once a week and have done for over a year and my dd loves it.

Recently there has been a new starter who is very disruptive of the class and spoiling my dd, and in turn, my enjoyment of it.

Behaviour mainly includes running around the class at inappropriate times and going over to the other children when she should be sat with parent. Because of nature of activity, this is disruptive. Teacher does pick up on this and guides child back to parent but still disruptive.

I’ve put up with it for a few weeks but we’ve had a temporary teacher and today she actually hit another child.

On top of this she is continually coming over to my dd (when she is trying to get on with activity) pulling at hair, clothes and toys. This starts as soon as she enters the class.

My daughter has mentioned as we were going in today- will X be there, I don’t want X to touch my hair

Where I was trying to be friendly previously, I just dont want this girl near my little one.

AIBU to tell this girl to go away? And if I’m not how do I word/ tone it in an appropriate way

There’s a time and a place though. A class with a teacher where all other children are with mum on their mat listening and copying dance moves isn’t time and place for another toddler to approach yours and want to play. That’s behaviour for a toddler group.
I get a class isn’t for everyone but it sounds like Op and her daughter enjoy it.

I would be really annoyed with this behaviour.
It’s not a playgroup situation, it’s a ballet class, and in my experience these classes are not cheap. And a child going up to others and being a nuisance will cause disruption.
I would get to class early and have a word with the teacher. Say you don’t want to leave but this little girls continued behaviour is becoming too much and mum doesn’t seem to have noticed…
Why should your child have her ballet lesson ruined by constant interruption from this child.
I would also very firmly tell her to please go away when she comes near your child and tell mum that your daughter doesn’t want to be hit again.

If you pay for the class i would be straight at the leader to say that this is going to stop you coming if its not dealt with.
I would suggest she starts the session by making sure all the children are seated and going over the expectations of how to treat each other..
If they are wise they will pull this parent ahead of time and clarify that their behaviour isn't OK.
And then if the child approaches again during the class you are well within your rights to ask them to just go away.
If mum wants to take the huff she can but either you're living in an alternative universe or other parents are probably feeling the same so just go for being firm and see how it goes.
Boundaries can feel hard to establish but it's a good opportunity to model for your own child.

Put your hand up or arm in the way of your DC look at the child and say ‘no thank you’. If she is able to put her hands on your DC then loudly say ‘please stop. DC doesn’t like that’ and then glare at the mother. In fact I would glare at the mother in both situations.

I totally agree; it sounds like a lovely activity for the dd who enjoys it, and as if the other child is in totally the wrong activity for her. And I’m sure it isn’t cheap and is affecting everyone. I agree I’d go early and talk to the teacher. The mum isn’t doing her job, but nor is the sub teacher, and she needs to.

I swear if I hear 'kind hands or 'gentle hands' one more time to deal with aggressive kids, making yet another generation ready for absolute fuck all, I'll scream us all to hell

Full class of two year olds and all but one can sit down nicely? Yeah right. My DD had excessive energy. There was no way she would have sat down for anything.

Not condoning it but that parent might be struggling with the behaviour and sometimes you can just feel like "sod it" as it is exhausting. Just remember these children are two. Next year your child could be causing the trouble.

DS has ASD and ADHD (although we didn't know at that age). I used to take him and his twin sister to groups and he was a nightmare. DD would sit still, join in, sing songs and he would just leap up and run around and fiddle with stuff.

It was embarrassing but I always followed him about and ensured he didn't cause any issues - other than being distracting and probably annoying. He didn't interact with other children but if he had tried I definitely would have stopped him. YANBU to be fed up, and absolutely need to ask the play leader/s to intervene.

You are doing your "really out going toddler" no favors. OP and her daughter have every right to attend class in peace

I’m guessing people with toddlers that won’t sit still when engaged in this kind of activity probably wouldn’t normally attend!
I used to take my DD to a music class where mum/Dad and toddler engaged in singing and clapping etc with musical instruments and all the kids stayed with their parents and were engaged in the activity. If it’s engaging enough 2 year old are capable of behaving…. Only when they’re not engaged do they get bored.

Exactly it isnt a compulsory class!!!
it’s a paid for class for kids to be introduced to ballet!!

If you have a toddler that wants to run around and do what they want, it probably isnt the right class for them!

And no I @ginandtonicwithlimes I shouldn’t have to put up with
my kid being harassed in a class she loves because some parent is exhausted and thinks ‘sod it’ - we’re all bloody exhausted!!!

I realised I posted in AIBU and I am reassured that most people think I’m not. However, some of those that think I am are the ones that have reassured me even more to be honest, as some of the excuses about excessive energy etc and think im being precious have just fulled my view that im not being unreasonable to expect someone to parent their child on this sort of environment.

And next year if it was my child causing the trouble, I would deal with it and if that meant removing her from the class temporarily or otherwise I would!

Thanks @Teenagehorrorbag I do realise it must be difficult in those circumstances with a child with additional needs and those children should be able to participate too of course and like you have explained they absolutely can when the adult proactively parents like you do. It must be hard though and I probably dont understand the full extent to which it is.

I would firstly talk to the teacher and express your concerns.
When she comes over just keep saying we need to concentrate go back to your mum please. Or we are busy but your mum isn't.
If it continues just say to the mum can you get your little one please.
Some people need to parent. My child would do the same but I tell her to sit down and not annoy people 😂
And my daughter has ADHD and suspected autism and I dont just let her run wild.
If it's baby ballet it's a lot more relaxed and they do let them play more. This is why we chose it but I still will say no go listen and dance now and encourage her out of peoples space.

I have 4 kids ..... I used to think I was a 'good' parent as my children 'behaved' 'listened' then I had no.4. He is like this girl. I've stopped going places because of the way other parents make me feel. Yes I do stop him running around l. Yes I do remind him to have kind hands etc... However, some days I'm exhausted and that class might be the parents only respite of the week. I don't think you would be unreasonable to remind the girl to have kind hands. Or to go back to her parent. But often distraction and praise can work to and maybe her parent would be super grateful for that support.

They are two. Do you want to smack them around the face to learn the lesson?

Indeed. My daughter was like this. It is pot luck if you get a perfect darling that sat perfectly well or a Tasmanian devil who would never do that. The presumption that parents aren't parenting is very annoying.

@amidsummernightsdream Complain to the teacher, I'm sure they are already well aware of the issue, and it is up to them to either tell the parent to control the child, or that perhaps the class is not suitable for her as she is clearly not yet ready to join in and take instructions like the others.

You and the other parents are all paying for this class, and it isn't fair on any of your dc if this disruption continues. Whether or not this child may have additional needs of some sort is irrelevant, because her needs should not be prioritised ahead of everybody else.

Tots ballet classes are like herding cats at the best of times!

Sounds like the girl is just not developmentally ready for this kind of activity or there may be issues where she genuinely finds it hard to engage with others, even at a toddler level. Either way the class is not the right place for her and the teacher needs to make it clear to the mum. If this was a setting like a playgroup, there would be Words, Discussions by now, I'm sure. But it sounds like the teacher doesn't care much as long as she's getting paid!

But the teacher is going to lose money if other parents start taking their kids away because of it.

When my dd started ballet just before her 3rd birthday, the teacher made it very clear beforehand that she could come to a trial lesson, but she might not be ready for it yet. So after the first lesson she might advise to leave it a while and come back again when dd was older.

@ginandtonicwithlimes im not presuming she doesnt parent, i’m literally watching her look at her child and do nothing. You presuming I’m presuming is very annoying.

Ugh. Can’t believe the crap you’re getting, OP. Some people are in a real hurry to find any way to excuse this mother for doing absolutely nothing while her child hurts others every single week.

Was nothing said by the mum of the child who was slapped?

Do you plan to speak to the teacher?

It's not about shitty parenting...some children are hyper and has some sensory issues... Sometimes despite parents warning their children not to touch other children the senses and sensory overload makes them behave like that... parents who have neurotypical children never understands what additional needs children are going through... They feel they got the perfect children and expect every child to be like that... By these discussions we can understand the level of empathy you all have

@Moosakareem then the parents just warning their dc isnt enough. They have to actively parent to intervene?

So according to you the only solution would be let these additional needs children and parents stick to their homes ...it feels like you have absolutely no idea about additional needs children... I'm Mum of 3 children; 2 boys 1 girl... One of my boys is like obsessive about hair touching, despite many efforts to stop him doing that he never listened..finally I went to a homeopath who diagnosed OCD after series of medicines and therapies this touching hair stopped...I'm the same parent who got the praises everywhere about my daughter for raising a sensible child; at the same time I am the same parent who got complaint from the school about son touching other children's hair.. so it can't be parent's mistake... sometimes parents doesn't want to make a scene in public...after going home definitely that parent might have made her daughter understand

@Moosakareem who are you directing that at?
How is saying 'you need to prevent your child slapping others, saying the only solution would be let these additional needs children and parents stick to their homes ...?