To tell this girl to go away

[amidsummernightsdream]

More a wwyd

My dd (2.5) and I attend an activity once a week and have done for over a year and my dd loves it.

Recently there has been a new starter who is very disruptive of the class and spoiling my dd, and in turn, my enjoyment of it.

Behaviour mainly includes running around the class at inappropriate times and going over to the other children when she should be sat with parent. Because of nature of activity, this is disruptive. Teacher does pick up on this and guides child back to parent but still disruptive.

I’ve put up with it for a few weeks but we’ve had a temporary teacher and today she actually hit another child.

On top of this she is continually coming over to my dd (when she is trying to get on with activity) pulling at hair, clothes and toys. This starts as soon as she enters the class.

My daughter has mentioned as we were going in today- will X be there, I don’t want X to touch my hair

Where I was trying to be friendly previously, I just dont want this girl near my little one.

AIBU to tell this girl to go away? And if I’m not how do I word/ tone it in an appropriate way

Your child seems to be quite articulate for her age. Is the other child able to communicate verbally as well as your daughter?

Although her mother/the teacher should be stepping in I wonder if it is a communication issue.

Social services always think that about SN kids. Whether it's ARFID or PDA, they always think they're fabricating stuff.It's pathetic. Sending people off to early help and all that crap.making already stressed out parents jump through hoops like they think they're doing something wrong.

Keep plugging. The sooner the bairns in the right setting the better. It's horrible, I feel for you.

How old is your child OP? It doesn't sound like an age appropriate class for your child (who is being disrupted) or indeed the child in question. (Who isn't developmentally able to sit still)

I am surprised at the comments levied towards this poor baby who is displaying entirely age appropriate behaviour. This is a parenting issue, not a child issue. The child should be diverted and moved away from your child. You are over reacting OP. It's par for the course in toddler groups.

I find it very very sad that there is a class for 2-3 year olds, where they are expected to sit, shut up and listen.
Thankfully most normal Baby ballet classes are fun and the kids are encouraged to move around and interact.

@Flamingos89 honestly the kids sit with mums 99% of the time. If they get bored they might mess around on their mat and occasionally run off but it’s never interfering or disruptive to the rest of the children.

It’s been really stressful . I almost feel I have ptsd, when you know something is wrong and you’re scared and want help and answers to then have people think you cause the issue is terrifying.
Hopefully can get off CIN get a SEN nursery place and get on with life soon

@Cuttysark4321 if this had been my experience from the outset, I would accept that but that is not my experience over the last 12 months

@Butterflybluepink im so sorry to hear about your experience. It sounds really hard and puts my ‘problem’ into context. I hope you and your little one get the provisions you need soon. I hope my thread hasnt caused any further upset for you

In my experience some children are just horrible little shits. Not all toddlers are cute. I’ve had a fair few come to play with my children. Bad behaviour and ineffectual parenting is a nightmare scenario. You are not being unreasonable.

Are you guys having a laugh?? Did anyone read the age of the child.

speak to the mother not the child. I do not expect anyone to take any sort of tone with my child, block them with arms or touch their arms.

That child is a toddler same as your child . I would move my child but I wouldn’t want touch someone else’s child. Just speak to the mother ffs

@supersonicginandtonic ive probably not explained very well but I promise it’s not sad, it’s a very fun class!!

my little girl just doesnt want her hair/ clothes pulled, doll taken off her while she is wanting to clap, sing and dance. Every lesson since this one girl started

I would try

This is not your space, please go back to your Mummy

and use your body to block her from getting close to your DD by standing in the direction she is coming from

Try that two or three times and she might move on to other children that are easier to get to.

But if she continues try

This is not play time, its ballet time, go back to Mummy and listen to the teacher.

And if it keeps going

Go back to Mummy now, I dont want you here.

And keep going with the body blocking

So say that to her mum. Don't be nasty to her. She really doesn't get it and her mum should be told not her

One of my pet peeves when parents don't parent their kids and expect other people to be ok with them bombarding other kids.

My children are older now but I used to go to soft play on a set day every week and there was a granny who also seemed to attend the same time. Her grandson was completely feral and used to hit and push any child that came near him. One day he pulled my daughter out of one of those little tike cars by the hair and a handful of her hair ended up in his hands. I went absolutely nuts at the woman and she just looked up and said "boys will be boys" I nearly threw the scone at her head in rage!

@amidsummernightsdream nobody would want that but it's typical toddler behaviour and the parent is at fault not the child.

I was just commenting on the class. A toddlers attention span and e development level is not meant to pay attention for long periods of time

if this girl's behaviour were typical for toddlers, the rest of the class would be doing it.
But they aren't.

Again: why are people in the UK so absolutely allergic to telling other people's kids to go back to their parent?

@supersonicginandtonic i agree up to a point. It may be normal behaviour to have isolated incidents, i dont think it’s ok to be continually doing these things throughout every lesson. I dont agree that’s acceptable and for the parent not to step in

im going to speak to the teacher and keep my daughter away

Not ideal but I’d be on red alert to physically shield DD from this child. Be firm and clear every time. “No thank you - we’re just enjoying the class. Go to your mummy”.

it’s totally unacceptable so I’d definitely be talking to the usual teacher, as well. Tell her it’s spoiling the class for your DD.

What’s wrong with these parents?!

Can you carry your DD in and then position yourself between her and the brat. When she approaches block her and firmly tell her to go back to her mum. If she doesn't call the mum over and ask her to take her away as your daughter doesn't want to 'play' at the moment and perhaps her 'brat' could 'play' with someone else.

@Brefugee thank you! That’s just it. Not one of the other children are behaving like this

Absolutely stand up for yourself and your daughter! You can be clear and firm to the child, without being unkind. And if necessary, intercept the other child before she reaches yours.

I have a friend who went through the nightmare. She went through every letter of the law and her rights with a fine tooth comb. She refused all the early help crap and the hoop jumping. She just needed the understanding and what part of the law applied to her situation. Her bairns in the right setting now but it took a while.

It's awful what they do to parents just wanting help. Have no respect for SS in that regard.

I hate parents like this. Then they get upset because no one wants to be around their child

I would show your dd the boundaries song on YouTube. Then get her to say 'stop I don't like that I need more space' and put her hand up when the girl comes too close. Keep repeating that then you join in again if needed then escalate to the leader / mother if you have to.

Heaven help us if you are actually a mother. You lack empathy and emotional maturity. It is a small child not an animal.

toddlers are not fair game and are still getting their heads around societal norms … might be an idea to speak to someone else’s child with the same sensitivity you would afford your own.

gosh, imagine someone spoke to your child with the same level of disdain