To tell this girl to go away

[amidsummernightsdream]

More a wwyd

My dd (2.5) and I attend an activity once a week and have done for over a year and my dd loves it.

Recently there has been a new starter who is very disruptive of the class and spoiling my dd, and in turn, my enjoyment of it.

Behaviour mainly includes running around the class at inappropriate times and going over to the other children when she should be sat with parent. Because of nature of activity, this is disruptive. Teacher does pick up on this and guides child back to parent but still disruptive.

I’ve put up with it for a few weeks but we’ve had a temporary teacher and today she actually hit another child.

On top of this she is continually coming over to my dd (when she is trying to get on with activity) pulling at hair, clothes and toys. This starts as soon as she enters the class.

My daughter has mentioned as we were going in today- will X be there, I don’t want X to touch my hair

Where I was trying to be friendly previously, I just dont want this girl near my little one.

AIBU to tell this girl to go away? And if I’m not how do I word/ tone it in an appropriate way

I have quite sternly, on occasion, told other children to stay away from my DD. I want her to learn that she doesn't have to put up with other people's shit.

@TheOccupier yes got lots of friends in the class and I suspect most feel the same but haven’t openly discussed with them.

of course it's normal...and normal parenting would be to stop the 2 year old from doing it. Like running in the road or eating chocolate all day or anything else some 2 year olds would do if not prevented

Impressive toddler ballet class.

Ours was pink fluff filled carnage. The scramble for the gold pompoms was Hunger Games-esque.

Just read through your posts OP and honestly your a better woman than me. Speak to the group leader about it in private if possible. Next time the child comes near DD say nah ahh gentle hands, in a nice but firm voice. Turn to mum and let her know what happened. That way you letting your wee DD know your sticking up for her and other child kniws that an adult is watching, hopefully mum can see this too.

Suppose it's like going back to the days of protecting your newborn when they can't themselves, same kind of situation. If teacher and child are not listening, mum isn't stepping in, take it further. 2yrs old she shouldn't be dreading activities and way too young for her to defend herself. All down to the adults here.

It's a communication issue with adults here I think.

Put your child first not the other parent's feelings. It's tough luck if she's offended but she's not your priority here. I would physically block the child from reaching yours and firmly say don't touch x.

I wouldn't do that to every chld who approached mine obviously but if a child is repeatedly upsetting my child and physically attacking her and the parent does nothing then yes I will intervene instead.

Usually I find that if a child snatches a toy, hits or pushes another child or even looks as though they might, the parent is right in there sorting out the situation and I do not need to do anything. It's unusual that people let their children annoy others during unstructured playgroups let alone during a structured class.

It’s normal for a 2 year old to slap another child around the face and also constantly (week on week) target another child by pulling their hair?

It’s unacceptable. The child’s parent needs a rollicking. And contrary to some comments on here, a 2 year old does understand cause and effect.

OP: stand in front of your child and block this other child’s access to yours when she approaches. Firmly and loudly say no if she tries to touch her and try to engage eye contact with the fuckwit parent. Thwn approach the teacher and ask her what she intends to do about this situation as your child cannot enjoy her activity with this nonsense going on.

Sounds like baby sensory?
Tell the child firmly "no, go back to your mummy" and just "no".

You can tell her nicely to not do whatever it is she's doing and to go and find her mummy.

You can tell the mother that your DD doesn't like it so please could she stop her DD doing whatever.

You tell the teacher

You use your firm voice and tell the child to stop it *now^, please and go back to your mummy accompanied by 'the Look'

It is annoying behaviour and I would feel the same in your position but the child is probably just trying to be friends. There was a child in my sons class like this. Perhaps your daughter is too young still but when my child was about three we taught him to tell the child politely that he didn’t want to play. He was taught with his friends to respect others’ space by the nursery but this child would still do it - this child is a lovely lively child - some children are just more tactile than others - his parents were great parents. I know it’s tough but try not to blame the mother - there may be a context there you are not aware of

It's all coming back to me, OP. I had this at a similarly structured activity with PFB who was the same age as your DD. There was a child in this class who couldn't keep his hands to himself. Whatever any other child had, he had to have. Mama stood there smiling indulgently and saying "ohhhh Billy...". My DS was getting into a state about going because of Billy. I talked to the class leader, who tried all the 'redirect' and 'gentle hands' thing to no avail. I talked to the mother, who said Billy had a right to do whatever he liked. DS telling him "stop that, I don't like it" had no effect.

The next time Billy tried to trap my DS in a tunnel thing, I had a private word with Billy, accompanied by The Look, and he never went anywhere near DS (or me) again.

You could say “ stop” and put your hand next to your daughters head, palm facing the little girl
you could say “ No Thankyou “ “ it’s finished” and do a sign for “finished”
say “ kind hands thankyou”
saying “Thankyou” is like the end of the “conversation” -it’s over, no more type of
discussion
worked in pre-schools for 18 years so familiar with little ones
maybe her mum is young? Inexperienced in social situations with others ?

Because she's talking about a 2 year old who has very little control over her behaviour at this age and her tone was plain nasty. All I've read is a bunch of nasty judgy comments from I assume pperfect mother's who have perfect children.

@Duttercup sounds like all the ballet classes I've attended with my children and it also sounds much more fun. Plenty of time for structure once they get to school

This child may be neuro diverse, you have no idea what the parent us dealing with. Perhaps a quiet word with them saying your daughter is struggling with the direct attention may be helpful

You definitely need to have a word with a teacher. Your DD has the right to enjoy things without fear of being touched or hit.

If the parent is failing the child, then the teacher needs to intervene. It is not cutesy to run around a ballet class annoying or injuring other children so perhaps this child isn't emotionally ready for this class yet.

When she runs over to your child if you can either move inbetween them or pick your child up, say very loudly "x doesn't like you touching her so please don't do it" call her mother and say the same to her, smile sweetly as you say this but be firm and say you must respect that not everyone likes being touched by your child and boundaries need to be respected. If she doesn't like it tough, her child is the one that will end up being ostracised by the others.

@supersonicginandtonic you’ve made it very clear you dont like the sound of the ballet class. Totally fine but not the point of the thread at all, so not sure why you’re still hanging around here

@Adam1630 This could be a possibility and of course will bear that in mind

Does it matter? If she won't sit still it's not the right class for her.
I tried monkey music with DS2 - he was a typical little boy, didn't want to bang his drum in time, was not interested when monkey came out of the bag and wanted to run around. We just did something more active.

DD loved it and sat and banged her drum in time.....

OP - if the child comes near your daughter again, just taker her by the hand and lead her away.

Be ready. Hand out like you are stopping traffic, loud, firm, controlled 'No.' Repeat as needed.

This isn't a toddler group, it's a class that I bet isn't cheap!

Protect your daughter, care less what other people think. First time is the hardest. Good luck

Am I the only one thinking 'hello...they're 2!' This kid's behaviour sounds like standard 2 y o behaviour to me. I take my 2 y o to various classes where at different points every child (including my own I hasten to add) take off and run around when they're not supposed to, occasionally there is pushing or hitting, often there is cuddling and over friendly-ness. They're two! This is to be expected!! As long as any pushing or hitting or dangerous behaviour is disciplined just let two year olds be two year olds. If you're that obsessed with another child's behaviour take your kid to a diff class, it's your problem not the other child's. There may be so many reasons this child's behaviour and maturity doesn't quite matchup to your own DCs - please don't ruin their experience. I think your expectations are just way too high for a class of toddlers tbh, but I haven't seen anyone else saying similar so maybe I just go to classes full of demon two year olds (including my own 😂).

Why would the teacher hit a child?

Two year olds get restless, that’s to be expected. However, repeatedly pulling at op’s daughters hair, clothes etc, thats not good behaviour, and two year olds can be taught not to do this.

Could you maybe sit between your child and that other girl when she approaches? Blocking her of a bit? Maybe telling her in a gentle way to please go and join the activity, pointing her in the right direction?