To tell this girl to go away

[amidsummernightsdream]

More a wwyd

My dd (2.5) and I attend an activity once a week and have done for over a year and my dd loves it.

Recently there has been a new starter who is very disruptive of the class and spoiling my dd, and in turn, my enjoyment of it.

Behaviour mainly includes running around the class at inappropriate times and going over to the other children when she should be sat with parent. Because of nature of activity, this is disruptive. Teacher does pick up on this and guides child back to parent but still disruptive.

I’ve put up with it for a few weeks but we’ve had a temporary teacher and today she actually hit another child.

On top of this she is continually coming over to my dd (when she is trying to get on with activity) pulling at hair, clothes and toys. This starts as soon as she enters the class.

My daughter has mentioned as we were going in today- will X be there, I don’t want X to touch my hair

Where I was trying to be friendly previously, I just dont want this girl near my little one.

AIBU to tell this girl to go away? And if I’m not how do I word/ tone it in an appropriate way

All your replies are helpful
I do want to stick ip for my daugher and that’s why I started this thread as I’ve been feeling guilty all afternoon.

When dd said on the way into class ‘will X be there? I don’t want her to touch me.

I said, she will be there but dont worry if you dont want her to touch you, I wont let her.

On the way in the girl came over and went to touch her. In all honesty I cant remember what I said but moved my dd away quickly and sat down.

This afternoon my dd was chatting to her dolly and I heard her mention the girls name. I asked her what she was saying and she said ‘mummy why did you let X touch me, you didnt tell her not to touch me’

I was quite taken a back at first that she had took all this in and was able to articulate it. Then I felt so guilty and ashamed that I had let her down.

The girl didnt hurt her and only touched her for a second (a complete non event in ordinary circumstances) but my dd obviously noticed it and more than that she remembered I said I would tell her not to touch her and I didnt AND enough to bring it up 2 hours later

I feel really guilty, that’s what brought me to write the thread all your replies are helpful

They're 2 years old ffs - not sure why anyone isn't pointing out this is completely normal behaviour.

@AnneLovesGilbert this was particulary helpful, thank you

So sorry to hear your experience @ledderwei it’s terrible you had to leave

At that age I would physically place myself between child and my DC and say in a firm but cheerful voice "No thank you". I would repeat it every time in exactly the same way until the mum got the hint. Others will probably follow your lead.

@QueenofTerrasen non of the other kids in the year I have been have acted this way, so it cant be that normal

and regardless, she’s upsetting my dd so im not going to let it carry on

its a structured activity, so maybe this activity isnt right for her

This, no need to be nicey nicey too. Firm and stern. This child is hurting your child, definitely complain. I can assure you others feel the same. I complained about a child in ds swim class. Tbf he sounded completely not ready and terrified so he just screamed the entire lesson. After the 3rd lesson I spoke to the teacher and she said they will deal with it as they are not enjoying the lesson too. The next lesson they were not there anymore.

Another class, a really annoying child that couldn't sit still. Teacher had to keep stopping and focusing on getting this child to behave. Many many parents were annoyed. As usual it's always the parents who think it's cute and funny. After one lesson, he was behaving really badly running around and the teacher stopped the lesson and asked the parents to come and get him as he needs to sit this lesson out because he is spoiling it for everyone else! Well done to him for calling them out. They were really embarrassed and never returned.

Definitely bring this up, you all are paying to be there. Don't let one child ruin it for others.

Normal but undesirable behaviour, and should be redirected by the parent.

It’s not “normal” for one child to be permitted to run about hitting and pulling the hair of the others. That is just shitty lazy parenting.

Tbh, this should be managed by the teacher. Just like you would do in a school setting, you would ask the teacher to intervene and sort the issue out. The teacher should be supervising the activity, and needs to take the mother to one side and let her know there has been a complaint, and that she needs to keep her child under control. It’s not fair that you should have to,police someone’s behaviour when you’re going there to enjoy a managed activity.

Agree with speaking to the teacher.

I'd go for firmer/clearer language and I would address the child and the mother

"Please leave X alone. You need go back and sit with your mummy now"
"Don't touch her hair. She doesn't like it"
"Pay attention to the teacher and go back to your spot"
Physically return the child to her mother.

"Can you come and get your daughter please"
"Can you ensure you are keeping an eye on your daughter she pulled my child's hair (again)"
"Can you ensure your child doesn't come into contact with mine. She's touching my daughter. It's disruptive and my child doesn't like it"

I fucking hate parents like this. Your child is NOT cute

Water pistol.

@newYear10 yes there are definitely other mums in the class who feel the same

@TofuCat 🤣🤣🤣

@Totalwasteofpaper great phrases, just what I needed, that you!

21 % think Op is BU?!

how and why?!

Telling a 2 year old to go away perhaps.

She should be telling her mother to control her child instead

How old is the other child? Im really surprised that every other 1 and 2 year old in the activity sits quietly with their parent and gets on with it for a whole session. Also I don’t think these lengthy explanations are appropriate at that age, I think you have an unusually articulate 2 year old from what you say she says. But it’s unlikely the other child has as much comprehension so a simple ‘no thank you’ every time she tries to interact when you don’t want her to and make eyes at the parent might be better.

I had this when my DC was little - other child would hit and push, and I mentioned it to the course leader, who had a word with the mum. One week he deeply scratched my DC’s cheek (drawing blood, screaming child), so I again mentioned it to the course leader, and that I cannot attend a class where my child is hurt (I also mentioned that child hurts others) - she asked mum of other child to stop her child approaching others in class and to actively manage him as she cannot have children getting hurt in class. Mother then left in a huff (leader showed me the text exchange).

Is this other child verbal? Does she engage in the activities herself or does she seem oblivious? Immediate thought special needs, learning difficulties, spectrum disorder which lead to disruptive behaviours in early childhood. Parents can be oblivious to this or prefer not to think it. I don't think labelling all difficult children as 'brats' or troublemakers is very helpful.

They are toddlers
Find another class

Ffs, I think most are assuming the lack of age specification for this child is because she's a similar age. I.e. TWO

Your "immediate thought" of a two year old who is being allowed to touch and interact with other children without being pointed towards personal boundaries is that they must have learning difficulties or "spectrum disorder"?

This. OP is coming across as very PFB, toddlers run around and grab hold of each other.

I would put yourself between your daughter and the other child so that she physically cannot touch your dd.

If she does try to touch her be quite firm 'do not touch xx she does not like it' and 'please go back to your mummy we are busy with -insert activity-'

Send the teacher a message explaining how your dd is feeling too and that you are thinking of leaving.

@AnneLovesGilbert @amidsummernightsdream
I'm still livid about it a year later! He was very physical tho, he tried to push her off a balance beam one week. It was only my daughter he did it too as well.
I am well aware of what is and isn't normal behavior. Running around, invading physical space etc, is expected, walloping my kid is a no. Redirecting fine, creating a safe space fine. Being nervous your child will be physically hurt is not.

I agree two year olds might try and interact but they are also old enough to understand 'no'.

So in the first instance 'please don't touch Lucy'

2nd time 'no thank you'

3rd time 'no' with my masterfully perfected evil stare. I'm not great with kids, I can make them go away by glaring. Sometimes it's useful.