To tell this girl to go away

[amidsummernightsdream]

More a wwyd

My dd (2.5) and I attend an activity once a week and have done for over a year and my dd loves it.

Recently there has been a new starter who is very disruptive of the class and spoiling my dd, and in turn, my enjoyment of it.

Behaviour mainly includes running around the class at inappropriate times and going over to the other children when she should be sat with parent. Because of nature of activity, this is disruptive. Teacher does pick up on this and guides child back to parent but still disruptive.

I’ve put up with it for a few weeks but we’ve had a temporary teacher and today she actually hit another child.

On top of this she is continually coming over to my dd (when she is trying to get on with activity) pulling at hair, clothes and toys. This starts as soon as she enters the class.

My daughter has mentioned as we were going in today- will X be there, I don’t want X to touch my hair

Where I was trying to be friendly previously, I just dont want this girl near my little one.

AIBU to tell this girl to go away? And if I’m not how do I word/ tone it in an appropriate way

You have to be firm. Your choice is let this continue and ruin your daughter's experience, or put a stop to it.

To the girl at the first approach to you: go back to your mum

To the mum at the second approach: take your daughter away, she's disturbing my daughter

If it happens again, to the teacher: stop this or we have to cancel

I’d absolutely hate it. A future school bully who will make countless lives a misery in the future

i don't know why parents in these situations in the UK are so allergic to directly addressing the child with a firm "no".

Dear God. She's 2. Calm down

Fgs not all bad behaviour means SN.

Bet I’m right tho

Ask the OP to update you in 10 years.

Did you mean though?

Fgs not all bad behaviour means SN.

Can the other mother 'get through' to the child? Does she understand boundaries and instructions to begin with?

Children need clear direction.
”no”
”Go to your mummy”
Spoken firmly,
Should be enough from you.
Then let their mummy do the explanations, if she has enough common sense to do so.
Your responsibility is to look after your own child’s safety.

Considering the OP has suggested that the other mother doesn't attempt to diffuse any situation, why on earth have you jumped straight to "omg, bet this kid has the autism"

Mumsnet is so tedious at times.

I did, because the OP is gossiping with other parents, slagging off there and on here, a 2 yr old child.

Yes I meant though. She’s 2, yes but she will start in reception at 4 so only 2 years. The mother seems uninterested in telling her to leave other kids alone. She will be the class pest

Do you think every post on mn is gossiping and slagging off?

She isn’t. She’s asking for strategies to stop her young child from being upset. And PFB is such a dickish thing to say. I’ll be just as happy to intervene to stop my younger being accosted as I was my older child. It’s dismissive and patronising. OP’s DD’s feelings matter whether or not she ends with no siblings or 5. So do OP’s.

You need to advocate for your child, and use the phrases suggested early on in this thread to the child, speak to the mum, and speak to the teacher if these measures don’t work. Don’t be passive and nice - this approach hasn’t worked, and stick up for your daughter.

The mother and child mean nothing g to you.

You owe them nothing.

Her kid is annoying your kid.

You put your hand out in a stop manner and say loudly, "Go back to Mummy, you're disrupting the class!"

Kid won't know what that means but as you've said it loudly, the mother will and if she doesn't pick up on that you and get her kid back over to her pronto, you directly address the mother loudly, "Can you come and get BRAT'S NAME, she's spoiling it for my daughter!"

Have a word with the teacher as well.

This thread is actually quite depressing, so far we’ve had a 2 year old called a future bully, future pest and brat (multiple times). Seriously what is wrong with all of you? This child is 2! And likes to toddle around and touch things (as many toddlers do) and my god stop the press but actually once hit. I get that you don’t want her constantly disrupting your time with your child and are looking for advice but the dramatics on this thread over a 2 year old is shocking.

What a strange question.

you're all talking about a 2 yr old. A tiny child, some of the posts on this thread are borderline vicious.

Never thought I'd see the day on here like.

I had a conversation with someone from MNHQ about a similar situation where people on thread were making derogatory comments about a child. Their line was that its acceptable to say what you want about a child, because they're not here to defend themselves or read it.

So that's the Spirit of Mumsnet, just for information going forward.

There's no point telling a not even 2-yr-old that they're 'disrupting the class'. They're 2. Most of them are just learning to walk and talk. They have no concept of cause and effect or consequences.
You speak to the teacher. And you ask if the DCs are supposed to be able to wander around and touch others. I appreciate you say it hasn't been like that since you joined but that doesn't mean that the class hasn't in the past (or on other days) had DCs who do wander around, etc. It's up to the teacher to set the parameters and rules for the class especially since they should be aware if there are any extenuating circumstances for the other DC and parent.

I'd second a very firm "time to go back to mum now" or "that's enough, where is your mummy, go back over there"

Kids often respond OK to instructions from other parents, not always mind!

Yy, I think there are a lot of non-parents on here now. Who seem to hate DCs and mums. The language they use to talk about them is appalling and their advice shows they have no understanding of child development. I seriously doubt they have DCs of their own because if they did, they'd know what a 12-month-old or a 2-yr-old is capable of doing and understanding.

These kids are 2, little more than babies. Am I on a different planet. What activities targeted at 2yos are designed for them to sit still and quiet and not interact with eachother. And your daughters speech is incredibly advanced if that's what she's coming out with. My 2yo is raved about by his own teachers and family members who are also teachers and have raised their own kids that his speech is excellent, he wouldn't come out with that "why did you let kid touch me, you didn't tell her not to touch me" line. Nor would he sit still quietly in a room full of toddlers.

We go to a weekly music group and my dd is like this girl constantly at other children, taking ALL the things to herself to line up in the corner of the room and making others upset I have to keep explaining to her and she keeps doing it , I have to keep apologising to other parents , it’s a nightmare, my dd has autism and I feel like we are ruining it for all the others as she screams if she can’t line everything up and screams if anyone tries to play with her or looks at her lines and it’s honestly a nightmare. I want to give up but it’s a requirement for me to take her and it’s honestly so so stressful. I wonder if the little one you describe has similar issues ? We were told we have to go to the groups to show we are engaging as it was recommended by professionals but I dread it

No! Why should the OPs child move to another class that she is really enjoying and not hindering others enjoyment!

The disruptive child should be the one to leave the class FFS!

Tell this other child to go away and leave yours alone.