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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parent missing last day of primary?

283 replies

Knickerbockergrolia · 16/10/2023 15:08

I have a week away with friends most years, which I love. This is usually towards the end of the summer term before schools break up. When my oldest left primary a couple of years ago, I made sure I was back before his last day of school. Now next year's is being planned and it looks like it will fall over the last week of term, so if I go I would miss DD's last day of primary. My instinct is to not go - finishing primary will be a big thing for her, she'll likely be going to a different school to lots of her friends, and I want to be around to see her in on her last day and give her a hug afterwards. DH thinks I'm being daft and should go. AIBU to not go?

YABU - yes, she'll be fine, go on holiday
YANBU - no, be there for her on her last day

I know some people wouldn't entertain going away for a week from their primary aged DC at all - so the question is really aimed at those who would, since the former would consider it BU to go in any circumstances 😊

OP posts:
notahappybunny7 · 18/10/2023 17:52

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DappledThings · 18/10/2023 18:13

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Oh come on, that event sounded dreadful. Even if the bit for your own child was bearable having to sit through that for 29 others sounds excruciating

crumblingschools · 18/10/2023 18:23

@DappledThings why does it sound dreadful? Sounds pretty similar to leavers' assemblies I have been to and the children all participated and enjoyed them and had fun with their mates.

Megifer · 18/10/2023 18:26

DappledThings · 18/10/2023 18:13

Oh come on, that event sounded dreadful. Even if the bit for your own child was bearable having to sit through that for 29 others sounds excruciating

Show quote history

We had similar, only lasted about 1hr. Well worth sitting through to see my DS's face and see him and his pals all laughing together and the pics of stuff they got up to😍

Megifer · 18/10/2023 18:29

Loving the competitive "I didn't give a shit that much I just chose to die instead of going to the last day stuff" posts. Good work 🎣

DappledThings · 18/10/2023 19:03

crumblingschools · 18/10/2023 18:23

@DappledThings why does it sound dreadful? Sounds pretty similar to leavers' assemblies I have been to and the children all participated and enjoyed them and had fun with their mates.

Because it sounds really long and over involved. How interested are people really in 29 other children and their photo montages?

I went to a leavers' service accidentally in the summer. It was a normal Sunday morning but the attached primary had a special bit of it. All 30 of them read out one memory of their time at school. All of them mumbled and rushed it so I couldn't hear a word. And that was a long 20 minutes

SpudleyLass · 18/10/2023 19:38

Megifer · 18/10/2023 18:29

Loving the competitive "I didn't give a shit that much I just chose to die instead of going to the last day stuff" posts. Good work 🎣

I try to make things as meaningful as possible for my autistic daughter, but no, in 2004, this just didn't happen.

Doteycat · 18/10/2023 19:42

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HAHAHAH I have 3 fabulous kids actually.
Dont feel sorry for them, they have a fabulous life thanks to me and my husband. They adore us.
Ive been to many many finishing days, none quite as excruciating as the one described, but then im not a look at me "mom" like some twats are these days,
I mean if your not "making Memories" for insta, then whats the point.
Sigh.

Megifer · 18/10/2023 20:06

SpudleyLass · 18/10/2023 19:38

I try to make things as meaningful as possible for my autistic daughter, but no, in 2004, this just didn't happen.

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I imagine lots of things didn't happen in 2004 in some schools that do now, what with it being 20 years ago 😬

Megifer · 18/10/2023 20:08

I mean I never thought Turkey Twizzlers would be banned yet here we are 🤣

sprigatito · 18/10/2023 20:11

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Oh, jog on. I know some posters just love to put the boot in, but you're not even making an effort 😂

Girlontherailreplacementbusservice · 18/10/2023 20:15

Doteycat · 18/10/2023 19:42

HAHAHAH I have 3 fabulous kids actually.
Dont feel sorry for them, they have a fabulous life thanks to me and my husband. They adore us.
Ive been to many many finishing days, none quite as excruciating as the one described, but then im not a look at me "mom" like some twats are these days,
I mean if your not "making Memories" for insta, then whats the point.
Sigh.

Show quote history

Bugger you've outted me - I mean I'm not a Mom (but there is nothing wrong with being one of that's the local pronunciation don't hate on the Brummies), I don't have 'Insta' or any 'socials' I've never use the phrase 'making memories' and I would never claim that my children adore me because that would make them roll their eyes so hard that it would sprain the sockets. It was 30 minutes in total with photos for less than 5 minutes - about 5 pictures of each kid and some general class ones. We weren't forced to watch with our eyes pinned open Clockwork Orange style. They aren't an endless stream of random kids, they are children your child has been in class with for the last seven years even DH who works away and has barely set foot in school could recognise them all.

Doteycat · 18/10/2023 20:28

Ah bless "you do you".
Is that what they say?

Housebuyer22 · 19/10/2023 06:42

Can you not ask your friends to do it on another week? Surely if they are your friends they would understand?

Even if your DC says they are ok for you not to be there, I’m sure when the days comes, they will be- seeing everyone else with their parents.

Hate Mum guilt! Have the best time, what ever the decision!

Casperroonie · 19/10/2023 06:50

Depending on dates, is it feasible to come back early for her last day?

Otherwise I would say no on this occasion. They get so emotional on the last day, I really think they need that support from parents. It's not a big deal for us but for them it's such a massive event.

Frazzled83 · 19/10/2023 06:57

Yeah, it’s a big deal and endings are important. Your DC would probably be fine but it sounds like you’d be preoccupied and not enjoy yourself so probably not worth it 😂

gezelligheid · 19/10/2023 07:01

The last week is usually when they do their end of primary school production so I wouldn't want to miss that. I'd try to get the friends to go a week or two earlier if you can.

Jcf1977 · 19/10/2023 07:10

Wow, what a lot of pressure for the last day. Our school did lots for leavers but mostly the week before. If your kid is vaguely stressed about going up, making a huge song and dance about leaving primary is one way to ramp up that anxiety.

Anyway OP, this is a very personal situation. Some mums will have to work, some mums will have been planning their outfit since Easter. Most dads will work. If that’s not you and your daughter needs you then you know what to do. Have you no say in the dates? Can you not suggest as it’s still not booked that you all come back before the day? Or just book your flights to suit yourself. Sounds like you don’t want to speak up in front of your friends.
To those who say you are selfish, you will find life very tough when your kids leave home if you never prioritise yourself.

Daffodil18 · 19/10/2023 07:14

I felt the last day was more important than the first day. It’s the end of an era for DC.

SoTiredOfAllTheSh17 · 19/10/2023 07:24

Do they do something on the last day like cheer/clap them out with all parents there, all sign their shirts etc, if so then go to the school as it’s a very emotional day for them. I definitely wouldn’t miss being there

JRM17 · 19/10/2023 07:28

I'm sorry but you need to get a grip. She's finishing primary school not curing cancer. Kids go to different secondary schools all the time and survive not having mammy to hold thier hands, she will still see her friends on weekends and evenings if they really want to stay in contact with each other, and it's not like we're in the 1800's with the way social media is these days kids are never more than a few thumb clicks away from each other.

zeibesaffron · 19/10/2023 07:39

I wouldn’t go - leavers assembly, leavers disco / prom etc…. On the last day all the parents bought picnic food and we just relaxed for a few hours outside school (there was a large open space) while the kids continued playing! We then did a prom (parents not school). It was lovely 😊

ConcernedMum22 · 19/10/2023 07:44

Oh this is tricky! I'm one who would usually go on this sort of trip but having had a child just leave primary this year, I wouldn't have missed it. They had a few things on in that last week that I'd have been gutted to miss.

Loz2323 · 19/10/2023 07:58

I would go away, sometimes we can make too much of things as adults which causes the kids to become anxious and upset, just treat it as just another day.

DangerousAlchemy · 19/10/2023 08:03

I've got lots of lovely photos from when my kids left year 6. Depends how good your OH is at that sort of thing? The parents hung around on the green outside school too so that was nice. Think a few of us went to the pub in the evening etc. My DD is almost 20 now but I can still remember how nice (& emotional) that day was. I personally wouldn't miss it but speak to your DD & see what she thinks?

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