Parent missing last day of primary?

[Knickerbockergrolia]

I have a week away with friends most years, which I love. This is usually towards the end of the summer term before schools break up. When my oldest left primary a couple of years ago, I made sure I was back before his last day of school. Now next year's is being planned and it looks like it will fall over the last week of term, so if I go I would miss DD's last day of primary. My instinct is to not go - finishing primary will be a big thing for her, she'll likely be going to a different school to lots of her friends, and I want to be around to see her in on her last day and give her a hug afterwards. DH thinks I'm being daft and should go. AIBU to not go?

YABU - yes, she'll be fine, go on holiday
YANBU - no, be there for her on her last day

I know some people wouldn't entertain going away for a week from their primary aged DC at all - so the question is really aimed at those who would, since the former would consider it BU to go in any circumstances 😊

I would go and come back early for her last day.
the last day is a big deal all round, my son was very emotional and so were all the other kids. It was covid time and we all gathered in a big field, the kids played games and we had a picnic and the grown ups had Prosecco. It was really lovely and a really nice way for them all to say goodbye. I would have hated to have missed it. I have barely seen a lot of those mums since that day because life moves on. It’s a goodbye for everyone involved in my opinion.
so if you can leave the getaway early I’d do that. If you can’t I would probably skip this years. There’s always next years.

For those saying the DD will be fine, I’m sure she will but I wouldn’t have wanted to miss DS’s leavers’ events

I'm not sure what people are imagining but it's not like the parents and kids are wailing all over the place and kids just sat in corners terrified of growing up because a presentation and a party and mum picking them up has ONLY just made then realise that 🤣 its genuinely a lovely thing with some bittersweet tears and having a lot of fun with pals at the end of an era.

Tbh yea, if a kid is anxious about this thing - parties and assemblies etc - then they'll be anxious anyway, so give them the option to take part in the stuff, its not difficult. Otherwise a few pics, hoodies, songs and pizza won't make them anxious 🙄

This thread has become really weird now though with people trying to out "not-arsed" each other so I don't know why I'm still answering seriously 🤣

Carry on 🎣

Another one here who found the actual assembly/ leavers events utterly boring and naff but to each their own.

OP your point is being there for the general period of time where dd might be emotional or worried or whatever which is slightly different. The fact that you describe yourself as torn would err on the side of not going, to be emotionally available for dd. Mind you, a good old FaceTime might be all that’s needed, especially if she has her dad.

I wouldn’t have missed it but I wouldn’t have done the holiday so your family will work differently anyway. Hope it works out 😊

I wouldn't say they're silly it's a big milestone for a child, one of the first they have. I'm 30 and we had a big leavers assembly with the parents when I left primary and I can still remember the words to the song we sang and have the speech I gave written on a card that we kept and a book where all the other kids and parents wrote messages. It's one of my favorite memories from primary school and obviously made an impact if I can remember it all 20 years later.

Most of the time I’d say there’s always another xyz (school play etc) but this is the last day of primary school. You can never get that back ever again. Other people who have commented missed it and didn’t think anything of it and that’s absolutely fine aswell, but I think by you even questioning whether you should go means you know deep down that you want to be there.

Surely a lot of parents will be working, you’ll not be the only parent not there. Do something nice when you get home with her, get your nails done together or something. I certainly don’t remember if my mum or dad even picked me up on the last day of school, I probably got the bus home with my pals. I do remember my mum taking me out and doing things together though.

Depends entirely on your daughter. If she'd be upset you weren't there then obviously be there. If she'd be fine with daddy being there, or wouldn't care if her parent wasn't there, then it's fine and go. Don't think anyone can advise more than that, because it depends entirely on daughter's feelings about leaving primary and her relationship with you and her dad.

I wouldn’t miss it personally. Rather momentous occasion for children as you know and often quite upsetting, she will want you to be there.

Calm down! How the hell is she selfish 🙄

I go away as much as I can with friends, sadly doesn’t seem to be every year but I’d love it to me!
my eldest has just started school but I probably wouldn’t want to miss it. Can they adjust the dates or make it so you go for less time and be back for it? X

I wouldn’t want to miss it. However I also only have one child so will only get to experience it the one time. As such it’s as much for my memories than for him, when the time comes.

I think it depends on your child however.

I'm someone who would leave my kids (not for a week tbf) but definitely for weekends away.

However my children come first, there is no way I'd miss any of the big moments for them or anything that is important in their lives. They're only little for such a small amount of time. I just can't imagine prioritising a trip with friends over something for them.

DH feels the same, we both go to plays, assemblies, Parents Evening, Harvest Festival etc DS and DD (currently in nursery) would be very sad to not have us be there for them.

Im not an emotional mam about school events (also prinary teacher for 16yrs) and i dont get the whole 'end of era etc' with tears (from parents)but I think it's important day for the kids and I'd want to be at home even if it was just to see them off for their last day.

I would go away; however, I wouldn’t miss mile stones to go away. I also wouldn’t be comfortable leaving the kid’s last day at primary to a parent who can’t see why you would want to be there.

It’s an emotional day, my son started at reception at just over 4 years old, and finished at about 11. Saying goodbye to his teachers and others who helped him. Was a special school, he was very sad.

If child not bothered then absolutely up to you.

For me I would want to be there for last day so would probably skip holiday. But not needed there so if benefits of holiday are what you want go for that.

It is ok to skip last day, ignore the mum guilt. Equally it is ok to duck out of this holiday if that is your preference don't feel guilty about that either.

Exactly. No one expects the men to take time off for stuff like this, and no one would give them a hard time if they didn't. Sick of these double standards.

@MsRosley DH took time off as did many dads at DS’s school. Bearing in mind many mum’s work they too have to take time off.

Surly it depends on how you feel or how your kids feel? There is no right or wrong. Personally I wouldn’t have missed it but I feel all these little milestones very acutely and I was I tears when my youngest left primary because i was no longer part of that little community. I don’t think the kids can remember if I was there or not now- definitely not a life changing milestone that particular day. I don’t even remember my last day at primary school so couldn’t tell you if my parents were there or not!

I wouldn't go away with my friends if it meant missing an important event for my chid. My daughter would have been upset if i hadnt have been there for her last day. Or maybe she wouldnt have cared but, she didnt need to think of it as i was there.

I think far too much is made of the last day of primary. My kids school did all they could to whip the poor kids up in to a frenzy and it made me really cross. However, given that’s the way of things these days, I’d have found it hard not to be there because I knew it had been made in to such a big deal for them. Dh on the other hand was away on work trips for both of their last days. Truth is, in a few years time they probably wont remember it either way but if you think your child is going to struggle and if there isn’t anyone else to pick up the pieces, I’d give it a miss (or come home a day early).

I would not go on holiday, there will be a leavers ceremony and maybe even a party, all these saying “oh in my day it want a thing” well it is now. My last one left school 7 years ago, they had a ceremony, my eldest left 24 years ago and there as nothing done, times have changed, the childs face when they see a parent there is so worth it. I went to a play once and my youngest did not see me, she was upset, she saw my eldest daughter who was stood next to me. So i thought she had seen me

I wouldnt miss my dd last day at school. I am in Scotland and the school get a piper to pipe them out of the building. The bagpipes always make me emotional. I will be a wreck.

It’s probably already been said but couldn’t you arrange to fly home a day earlier? Best of both worlds, you get to go on your trip but you’re back on time for leaving day and the associated events/emotional support.